I am a new Rn and have been working on a Med-Surg telemetry floor in a fairly large medical center in northeastern PA. This is my first job as a nurse and I have been there for 16 months. Although I feel that my competence has made leaps and bounds, I'm very depressed about the outcome of my education. I feel extremely disrespected, am struggling to live on what I thought would have been an awesome salary, and just feel generally let down. Management focuses on what needs to be improved and doesn't aknolwedge what has improved. I work night shift, so I don't get any kind of thanks from patients or families. It seems they can only remember the daylight nurses. I know I have only been a nurse for a short time, but I have to wonder if things will get better. I always wanted to be a high tech ICU nurse, but fear that I'll never be able to handle the learning curve because I have a very soft personality and my feelings get hurt easily. The stress of the working environment has also exacerbated my depression/anxiety disorder. Ugh, I don't know what else to say, I guess I'm just looking for some guidance. Any reply would be greatly appreciated.
vampey wrote:I am a new Rn and have been working on a Med-Surg telemetry floor in a fairly large medical center in northeastern PA. This is my first job as a nurse and I have been there for 16 months. Although I feel that my competence has made leaps and bounds, I'm very depressed about the outcome of my education. I feel extremely disrespected, am struggling to live on what I thought would have been an awesome salary, and just feel generally let down. Management focuses on what needs to be improved and doesn't aknolwedge what has improved. I work night shift, so I don't get any kind of thanks from patients or families. It seems they can only remember the daylight nurses. I know I have only been a nurse for a short time, but I have to wonder if things will get better. I always wanted to be a high tech ICU nurse, but fear that I'll never be able to handle the learning curve because I have a very soft personality and my feelings get hurt easily. The stress of the working environment has also exacerbated my depression/anxiety disorder. Ugh, I don't know what else to say, I guess I'm just looking for some guidance. Any reply would be greatly appreciated.
Hello Heather,
Welcome and wish it could be on a more positive note.
You asked for some guidance and my first thought is maybe you should seek out one-on-one counseling for your depression/anxiety disorder. If not, do you have a mentor where you work that you can seek out? Nurses need to acquire a tough exterior. Patient's and their family members are scared of the unknown. They rarely see the MD's. So, they will reach out to the nursing staff with questions that the MD's may not even be able to answer. Most people are at their worse when they are in the hospital, both as patients & family members. Most of the the time this transference is not meant as a personal hit against a nurse.
You may need to consider toughening up your soft personality so that your feelings are not easily offended. The nursing profession is often a thankless job, especially for those that work the night shift. Maybe you are not meant to work the night shift. Furthermore, I worked the night shift on a Tele Ward, then went on to work in an ICU at a different hospital. You have worked almost year and a half on Med-Surg Tele and maybe your more ready than you think to move on to an ICU position?
Finally, do you have any hobbys or special interest outside of nursing? We all need outlets that allow us to let go of the stress of nursing when not at work?
Nights are hard.....I will attest to that. And getting a Day position is quite hard. If you feel that 'moving on' to an ICU position is in your best intrests, so be it; perhaps it is time. Personally, your soft personality is a pro, but as you have learned, it can have its downside also. I believe that it can be of use in your future. Keep us posted, please! :) 'Cat'
vampey wrote:I am a new Rn and have been working on a Med-Surg telemetry floor in a fairly large medical center in northeastern PA. This is my first job as a nurse and I have been there for 16 months. Although I feel that my competence has made leaps and bounds, I'm very depressed about the outcome of my education. I feel extremely disrespected, am struggling to live on what I thought would have been an awesome salary, and just feel generally let down. Management focuses on what needs to be improved and doesn't aknolwedge what has improved. I work night shift, so I don't get any kind of thanks from patients or families. It seems they can only remember the daylight nurses. I know I have only been a nurse for a short time, but I have to wonder if things will get better. I always wanted to be a high tech ICU nurse, but fear that I'll never be able to handle the learning curve because I have a very soft personality and my feelings get hurt easily. The stress of the working environment has also exacerbated my depression/anxiety disorder. Ugh, I don't know what else to say, I guess I'm just looking for some guidance. Any reply would be greatly appreciated.
Hi there,
I can remember being a new RN on the night shift. It was hard and I spent a lot of time feeling stupid even though I had years of experience in another medical profession. Some of my coworkers were kind, others were not. It didn't take long for my confidence to grow and before long, I was doing charge duty and orienting new nurses. I eventually went to dayshift feeling very comfortable. I think our confidence waxes and wanes any time we are in new situations regardless of personality type. There are two recommendations I can offer: surround yourself with supportive people and
take advantage of oportunities to learn new things.
VAMPY --
It's good that you wrote. But look at some of the things you already know about yourself:
Your "thin skilled", emotional, have anxiety attacks, AND on top of that, you work nights (the least-well-resourced shift of all!). Hello, this looks like a set up for disappointment!!
Here are three things YOU can do (no one else has to help you with these!)...
1. Look for first-thing-in-the-morning inservices, meetings, QI groups. There may be classes you can attend (hopefully free, possibly even be paid to attend) where you'll meet folks OTHER than the staff you stay up with every night! You need to be PART of those quality improvement teams, so you know that folks ARE thanking you for your hard work. You need to get out, girl! You need some professional conversations with people who are just starting their day -- some folks who see the glass as half-full!
2. Get some stress-management skills under your belt. This can be breathing techniques, imagery skills, meditation, exercise -- whatever turns you on! This will reduce the anxiety AND add to your endorphins to get you through those long nights!
3. Finally, consider being assessed for clinical depression -- the real thing. Nurses are not immune. It can hit new grads, it can hit mid-career and night workers are especially prone (so do also take advantage of some of the hours of SUNLIGHT you have available to you off the job!). It may be that you'd find better living through chemistry can also improve your view of nursing practice.
Get yourself well girl! You deserve a job/career you love, but you'll have to do more than WISH for it!
Thanks for all of the input. Unfortunately I am clincally depressed. I am dysthymic (I think I spelled that right) and I've already been hospitalized once (4 months ago) for it. I've been this way for a long time, despite active treatment. I also have a sleep disorder, so that linked with depression=sleeping through all of the daylight hours (especially since there are so few in the winter to begin with) I require at least 9 hours of sleep to feel recharged enough to return to work the next night. Unfortunately, dayshift on my unit is not available, and there are too many "personalities" on that shift. They will stand at the desk and chat while they're watching you drown. I'm also scared to leave the floor for "daylight" work because I love my nightshift coworkers. Ugh. My house is also in shambles because of my work/sleep hours. I just can't do it all. I am still grateful for all of the input I can get from this discussion group. Thanks!
When I worked nights I was depressed too. I think it was the constant fatigue. I just couldn't get the right sleep. One thing that really helped me was when I started taking a walk outside when I first got home in the morning. I got to experience some fresh air and sunlight, plus exercise combats depression. I know it's more difficult in the winter, but this winter actually hasn't been too bad so far.
It seems that you like your coworkers. This is a positive. Use them to help you feel better. You could catch some breakfast after work. I love when my coworkers and I go out for lunch. You'll feel more confident with your job as you gain more experience. In 5 years you'll be a much different nurse than you are now.
Hi Vampey. I sent you a private message. Its amazing how much you and I have in common. Your post hit so close to home. My husband tries to understand, but its nice to come here and know Im not alone. I dont have any advice for you, just know you arent alone.
Hey, Vampey, hi from a sister night-shifter. I feel yur pain, I went through the same, but without the clinical depression and added baggage. Ouch! I think, in time, a different personality will emerge, as long as you don't give up. Do what you have to do to get by, I know you can do that. It takes time. Check in here as often as you can for online support and follow the advice that works for you. I know that my hospital offers free counseling, maybe your facility does, too. If you can talk to someone who's been there, it helps. In the meantime, know that we're pulling for you and hope the very best for you. Do not allow the negative people to drag you down. You worked hard to get where you are, and you'll find your niche. Keep us posted!
For the relatively "new" R.N. I know it doesn't seem to be what you expected...what is happening is that the respect and dignity that used to be attache to anyone who was a nurse...is not there like it was. I have a charge nurse who is young, pretty and educated...and she has becoome disappointed with her job as well. So she is making a change in looking into more rewarding possibilities. The wonderful thing about nursing, is that there are so many different scopes of practice to choose from, and nothing has to be permanent. Don't be afraid to seek outside the box and try something different...even if it isn't what you want...then change again. If you look at the opportunity as a self-fulfilling goal, instead of just a pay check...then you will feel much more rewarded for your efforts. I have been an LPN for 18 yrs., and am finally going back to school for my degree. I raised my kids, and am still married to the same man after 25 yrs. My attitude about work is "I can tolerate almost anything for a designated amount of time". Never stop looking for other ways to grow. And if you get tired of the politics with your job, go somewhere else for awhile to take a break. It will get better, once you take back control. Good luck.
Vampey, you poor thing! I feel where you're coming from. Being clincally depressed and working night shift is a recipe for disaster. I have worked night shift for eight years now, and I can tell you that is most of your problem. I have known many nurses go to days from nights and say how different and wonderful and "normal" they feel. You don't feel like you are quite living when you work the night shift, your usually tired, irritable and depressed. What works for me is making my bedroom as dark as possible, having lots of "white" noise, like a loud box fan to drown out those darn perky people mowing their lawns, and try to work your days in a row if you can, then at least you can have a set amt of time off, and feel a little better. As far as the soft personality, I think you will grow a tougher shell over time, I started out eight years ago shy, offended easily, worried what everyone was thinking of me, and now I don't give a flying f*** what anyone thinks anymore. I do my job, and I do it great, and I don't let anyone tell me how or what to do. Nursing is a very thankless job, and unfortunately nurses are always pitting against each other, which is very sad. Find supportive people, feel good about yourself, and if you have to, switch shifts. Many people have done it before you, it doesn't make you weak. Good luck!
You poor thing!! Wish I were there to give you a big hug!! I have been working nights for most of my 10yr nursing career. Started on days, they ate me alive, would have quit if one of the night nurses hadn't seen my pain and asked me to go nights. It saved my career. But not all people are cut out for nights. It is difficult to adjust to. Do you work 12's? Cause I work my 3 12's in a row, and I'm done, and go back to being on days. Took me a while to get there!! I work in L&D, and OB docs can be a-holes. I used to cry anytime they gave me a cross look, but I have learned over the years to give it right back. I know my patients, and I know my job. The docs I work with now, respect me for not taking s--t. It has also helped me to stand up for myself in my personal life. Put your arms around yourself and give you a big hug from me!! Kisses!!
I am sorry to hear about your problems...especially since it's just your first year or so in practice. I'm always amazed that they put new grads on the night shift (with the least amount of resources). This doesn't happen in surgery, where we typically have our most experienced nurses on off shifts and newbies on days...however, my cousin and roommate was stuck on nights in CVICU as a new grad. I didn't get the logic. I can say, that being on nights you have probably learned more and become more independent...trial by fire...you'll learn your lessons quickly but it's not great for employee retention.
I'm currently working nights. It's tough emotionally and physically because you're circadian rhythm is off...it's not normal to work all night and sleep all day. Many of us, myself included, have other halfs who work during the day and would love for us to work the same hours. On a positive note, I can tell you that in the 9 years I've been a nurse my annual pay has doubled! You'll get more money...you just wait and see.
I'm going to suggest what a lot of folks already have...seek counseling. If your taking anti-depressants...take them...don't stop taking them...I know plenty of folks who have done this with poor results. Seek a change of scene...even if it's the same unit but another shift possibly. Maybe you're ready for the challenge of ICU! I think after 16 months tele you might be. Before you make any of those changes...do the counseling thing...because these are changes...and some of us don't respond well to them even though we were taught for years in nursing school to be flexible.
I go to the gym after my night shift...then I go home and walk the dogs...and putter a bit. Like the other poster said...bright sun and fresh air does wonders. Have a hobby outside of work. I bet it was such a relief for you to get out of school...and start working...you don't have to worry about work after your shift is over...you can actually unwind...
The best advice I ever got as a nurse was to stop worrying about what other nurses are doing...and focus on you. I can't speak for the floor/med surg/icu situations...I work in the Operating Room and the same politics/drama goes on. I used to get so irritated when other folks were chilling out in the lounge, while I was stuck in a long case...or those folks weren't putting up/cleaning up their areas. You can't worry about what others are doing. You do your job and focus on you and your patient.
The other piece of advice I have is you can't make everyone happy. Patients, families, coworkers, docs...there's no possible way to do this. Families are scared...uninformed...and ignorant to things going on in a hospital...try not to take the outbursts personally. You'll find the most annoying family members are those who aren't normally around...and are trying to make up for it by being the protector/enforcer.
So, chin up...get some help (counseling)...and focus on you.
:smoking2:
