Am I losing my mind?

[denna rn]

Thats what I want to know, am I losing my mind. I have been a nurse for over 13 years. When I was a new nurse I worked nights, took care of 10-11 patients and if there was a vent pt, they were in a room, no ICU then, and I took care of them too!! I don't know how, but I did. Now, for the first 10 yrs of my career, I was like everyone else in my field, I felt good about going to work, held my head high and was proud of my performance and the relationships that I had with my patients. They were MY patients, My families, My doctors, My co-workers, it was My hospital. Nursing became most stressful starting in my 11th year, or maybe I just started getting smarter to know how dangerous things were. After 12 yrs I left that hospital that I thougt I was so important to after we get a new nurse manager who changed us to team nursing. After she and I had a heated discussion that things would not be ok, if she gave me my 19th patient, I put in my 2 week notice. The hospital acted like I was nothing and let me walk without so much as a kiss goodbye. The nurse manager quite 2 weeks after I left. I transfered to another hospital in the town that I live in, I was driving 45 mins for 12 yrs, now I drive 5 mins to work. Anyway, now, I can't make myself go to work, I have paranoid thoughts about what might happen when I get there, like I might forget how to put the leads on, or how do you push Cordarone, I can't remember, my heart starts racing, I can't breath, my muscles in my shoulders get so tight my arms ache, I get to where I can't hear well, I tremble so bad that the days I do go to work, my patients can feel me tremble when I touch them. Who wants a nurse that is shaking? I think I'll just have a nervous breakdown and get it over with. But how am I going to pay my bills? Well, can't even type now, got myself worked up, looks like I have parkinsons the way I'm shaking right now. Gotta go. Thanks for reading, its like listening. Denna rn

[cougarnurse]

Wow, Denna; sounds like that one NM really got to ya. Have you ever sat down and talked to your present boss/NM and explained what had happened? Perhaps they'd be understanding about what is going on. Also, are you friends with any co-workers, and can talk to them? Maybe you guys could start a support group?!

'Cat'

[hppygr8ful]

Thats what I want to know, am I losing my mind. I have been a nurse for over 13 years. When I was a new nurse I worked nights, took care of 10-11 patients and if there was a vent pt, they were in a room, no ICU then, and I took care of them too!! I don't know how, but I did. Now, for the first 10 yrs of my career, I was like everyone else in my field, I felt good about going to work, held my head high and was proud of my performance and the relationships that I had with my patients. They were MY patients, My families, My doctors, My co-workers, it was My hospital. Nursing became most stressful starting in my 11th year, or maybe I just started getting smarter to know how dangerous things were. After 12 yrs I left that hospital that I thougt I was so important to after we get a new nurse manager who changed us to team nursing. After she and I had a heated discussion that things would not be ok, if she gave me my 19th patient, I put in my 2 week notice. The hospital acted like I was nothing and let me walk without so much as a kiss goodbye. The nurse manager quite 2 weeks after I left. I transfered to another hospital in the town that I live in, I was driving 45 mins for 12 yrs, now I drive 5 mins to work. Anyway, now, I can't make myself go to work, I have paranoid thoughts about what might happen when I get there, like I might forget how to put the leads on, or how do you push Cordarone, I can't remember, my heart starts racing, I can't breath, my muscles in my shoulders get so tight my arms ache, I get to where I can't hear well, I tremble so bad that the days I do go to work, my patients can feel me tremble when I touch them. Who wants a nurse that is shaking? I think I'll just have a nervous breakdown and get it over with. But how am I going to pay my bills? Well, can't even type now, got myself worked up, looks like I have parkinsons the way I'm shaking right now. Gotta go. Thanks for reading, its like listening. Denna rn

Hi,
As a psych nurse I can tell you that it sounds like you may have generalized anxiety disorder and that it's probably temporary. There are some simple things you can do to make things better. If you have insurance seek out the help of a mental health professional. Preferably a Psychiatrist and a therapist. Both will help you to decide what the best course of action is. You need a safe place to process your feelings and that isn't always with other nurses trust me I know from personal experience . You know how rumors fly around hospitals.

Next if you drink alcohol even just one or two a night stop. It f--k's with your sleep and does nothing to solve your problem. Also don't get into the habit of of using anti-anxiety drugs such as xanax - again they are short term fix and are highly addictive and the detox process can be fatal.

If you have been a nurse this long you know how to handle stress, you just have to bring those skills forward and use them.

The serenity prayer works for more than people in recovery it teaches you to accept what you co cannot change, have courage to change how you react to those things, and gives you wisdom to deal with what life throws your way.

I will keep you in my prayers

Peace and Namaste

Hppygr8ful

[denna rn]

Hppygr8ful
I really think that you have got it going on. Your right, I have been to my first counseling session, I am scheduled to set an appointment with a psych. on Monday. I'm just worried about what It will do to my career. Professionals so far have stated that I have just had too many major stressors on top of each other, forgot to tell you that I also had surgery in August that took me two months to get and one month to recover from. I just really needed another outlet as my husband is scared ****less to see me this way. I was known as a strong nurse in the past and now look at me. I don't want anyone to know whats going on. Thanks for your wisdom. Denna

[denna rn]

Cougarnurse Your right, My old nursemanager did me in. I guess I just never really got over it and I have not discussed it with my new manager. There is no way I can talk to co-workers about this, I don't want anyone to know, If I find out any of them know, there is gonna be heck to pay, I've told my nm several times not to tell anyone. I believe HIPPA should apply to me too , don't you. thanks for writing to me , is helpful Denna Thats why I'm on here, don't know how to use the forums right yet, but I will learn sometime, you think? ha ha see ya

[SoldierNurse]

Hello Denna,

First of all, IMHO it is great you are able to vent about these stressful issues here on this Thread. Sounds like your on the correct road with your counseling sessions and scheduled appointment with a psych. Please, continue to seek out reliable ears, which in turn will allow you to hear yourself.

Second, do you have any hobbys? Do you participate in any type of physical fitness? Have you considered taking up a martial art... maybe aikido?

Third, I hope you and your husband are able to spend quality time together. I don't know what his profession is, so he may have a hard time relating to your nursing profession stressors. Nevertheless, it is important that your marital relationship stay strong during this period of a rocky road in your nursing career. I'm fortunate in that my wife & I are both RN's.

Last, have you considered a different area of nursing specialty... maybe ICU? One last thought; I'd venture to say you are NOT losing your mind since you have the ability to recognize & reorient to a better way.

[denna rn]

Hey MagRedC5
What is IMHO and don't laugh. I may have know at one time but have forgotten what it means , ha ha. I do have hobbies, I enjoy gardening, too cold right now, reading, cant sit still enough or concentrate right now, crochet, up and down and all around, thats what I do all day, my mind is just too busy and there is too much tension to allow me any rest. It is even painful. My body hurts all over, quess muscle tension and getting up and down. Anyway, i whineth too mucheth. I feel that my state is just acute and will and has to get better. I feel that just talking about nursing and my probs right now are therapy, although tedious to others. My husband is my number one man, he is the greatest, but it is very hard for him to see me this way. And his first wife whom he was married to for 16 years is also a nurse who has moved on to case management. How smart is she?? I'll have to do something like that when my legs give out, maybe Diabetic or some kind of speciality. The hospital where I work now has floated me to every floor except for ER. I've worked in all areas but medsurg, cardiac is where most of my training is from. I also worked in a 4 bed ICU at the other hospital, 4 beds, does that really count as a ICU ? ha ha , u betcha, . Thanks for you responses, And don't I sound a little better today? see ya

[SoldierNurse]

Hey MagRedC5
What is IMHO and don't laugh. I may have know at one time but have forgotten what it means , ha ha. I do have hobbies, I enjoy gardening, too cold right now, reading, cant sit still enough or concentrate right now, crochet, up and down and all around, thats what I do all day, my mind is just too busy and there is too much tension to allow me any rest. It is even painful. My body hurts all over, quess muscle tension and getting up and down. Anyway, i whineth too mucheth. I feel that my state is just acute and will and has to get better. I feel that just talking about nursing and my probs right now are therapy, although tedious to others. My husband is my number one man, he is the greatest, but it is very hard for him to see me this way. And his first wife whom he was married to for 16 years is also a nurse who has moved on to case management. How smart is she?? I'll have to do something like that when my legs give out, maybe Diabetic or some kind of speciality. The hospital where I work now has floated me to every floor except for ER. I've worked in all areas but medsurg, cardiac is where most of my training is from. I also worked in a 4 bed ICU at the other hospital, 4 beds, does that really count as a ICU ? ha ha , u betcha, . Thanks for you responses, And don't I sound a little better today? see ya

In My Humble Opinion

Yes, you sound much better today... and I hope the next is even better for you