Re: Help Help Help Now!

[CABAYRN]

My experience is with the CA diversion program; however I think they are all basically the same. With the CA program, yes, you are allowed to work while in diversion with restrictions. In my case, I agreed to their restriction of not working in nursing at all, for almost a year. In hindsight, this was a good decision for me. It allowed me to complete a IOP treatment program, get established with AA (being involved in service committments, etc.). During this time I was on disability which is not alot of money but it did keep a roof over my head and allow me to focus on recovery.
If disability is a option for you explore it NOW; this is a lot easier when you are not worried about money.
After 10 months I was allowed to return to non patient care nursing. I chose blood bank nursing, which I did for 15 months. Then I was allowed to return to patient care with no access to meds. This I did for 3 months when I allowed full access again. I have now been back to patient care with full access for one year and have 10 months left in diversion.
I hope this info helps; please do not feel like you have to do this alone. Take care of yourself (get rest, exercise) and contact a support group of recovering nurses asap.

[dtgaup]

First and foremost, I want to personally thank CABAYRN and hppygr8ful for giving me much needed advice to help me make the biggest decision of my life. I really appreciate the time you both took to help me sort this issue out.

I just want to be clearer, because I know I was stammering nervously on my previous posts. I have a flawless 15 years in critical care nursing.About 6 months ago, I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid arthritis, and was put on various meds, one being Lortab for pain. To fess up, I was diverting on various occasions additional Percocet and Lortabs for at home use. Now looking back, I feel that I am wrong for my actions,obviously! And I am trying to figure out what would drive me to drug seeking behavior like this. I think that these drugs have clouded my judgement more than I was aware of.

Update as of today. I first confessed to my employer, which seemed like the right thing to do, and staff agreed, and I am still on suspension, not terminated at this point. And was told by senior staff to self report to the Board, which I did also today. The Board had me write a letter explaining what I did,and they faxed it to the State, and thats that!

Just a couple questions??? Is it a mandatory automatic submittal into the Diversion program with no evaluation or counseling to verify my actual personal needs for an intensive outpatient program? Or will I be offered any other options that you know of, or know someone who has been.Is the program outpatient, since I have a family to care for? When will I have a chance to work as a nurse, the soonest you've seen? Thanks for all replies, I feel some hope, I think.

[TomB]

First and foremost, I want to personally thank CABAYRN and hppygr8ful for giving me much needed advice to help me make the biggest decision of my life. I really appreciate the time you both took to help me sort this issue out.

I just want to be clearer, because I know I was stammering nervously on my previous posts. I have a flawless 15 years in critical care nursing.About 6 months ago, I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid arthritis, and was put on various meds, one being Lortab for pain. To fess up, I was diverting on various occasions additional Percocet and Lortabs for at home use. Now looking back, I feel that I am wrong for my actions,obviously! And I am trying to figure out what would drive me to drug seeking behavior like this. I think that these drugs have clouded my judgement more than I was aware of.

Update as of today. I first confessed to my employer, which seemed like the right thing to do, and staff agreed, and I am still on suspension, not terminated at this point. And was told by senior staff to self report to the Board, which I did also today. The Board had me write a letter explaining what I did,and they faxed it to the State, and thats that!

Just a couple questions??? Is it a mandatory automatic submittal into the Diversion program with no evaluation or counseling to verify my actual personal needs for an intensive outpatient program? Or will I be offered any other options that you know of, or know someone who has been.Is the program outpatient, since I have a family to care for? When will I have a chance to work as a nurse, the soonest you've seen? Thanks for all replies, I feel some hope, I think.

Good for you!!

I don't have personal experience to share, and it looks like there's lots of good stuff in this forum, but it sounds to me like you're definitely on the right track.

I've talked at length with my friends that are "impared" that I work with about their experiences. They both diverted demerol (mostly). Neither had legal problems, neither were fired. They did outpatient rehab and AA meetings and have to do random urine drug screens. They both had a narc restriction for six months. Both of them are now passing narcs again and doing fine. Like I said, they're among the best nurses I work with and good firends of mine.

I will tell them about this forum and maybe they can tell you all the details.

Good luck!!

[09896star]

Hi,
I'm an RN and just lost my job to diversion. I self referred to the program through the BRN. I am afraid I have lost everything..my license..my home. I am a single mother with a single income and now I have nothing. Will I be able to get disability now that I was terminated? I don't even know if the diversion program will accept me. I was caught diverting Fentanyl and I think that I will go to jail because of it. I know that the hosp legally has to report to the BRN and FDA. I am clean now for 3 weeks. I am scared to death and don't know if I'm going to make it. I love my job and I know I screwed my life up. Any advise would help.

[scotkort]

I am responding to the post above. I know you love your job, but you have to place your priority as recovery. That means not only admitting your addiction to your employer, the Board, but also to yourself. Really admitting it deep down and getting help. Being honest, completely! Get help and do it for the right reasons and do it now. The Boards of Nursing do understand but want you to do things the right way and will except no B.S. about "reasons" why you used and "I swear I won't do it again", etc. AA/NA are the places to be. Find meetings, keep going everyday, as many meetings as you can make. Find a sponsor you trust. Even if it's a temporary one! You need someone to help you along the way. Believe me, I do know. I'm in recovery and only after losing my job, my license, and almost losing my life (literally by accidentally overdosing), my wife and family did I really commit to AA and the program of recovery. Honesty about the real nature of my addiction and living in the solution is what has led to my being re-licensed as a nurse a few days ago. I don't ever want to lose sight of how precious my license is and what a privelege it is to hold it and practice. The way I did it was being completely transparent with the BON about my addiction, my recovery, and my past transgressions and decided not to try to manipulate the outcome by lying about it. That's what addicts do! Recovering addicts don't. Live in the solution of AA and do what is suggested by them. Life gets SO MUCH BETTER when you are not living a lie anymore. People are a great deal more understanding than you think they will be. Humility comes along the way too. I'm currently working as a waiter for very little money but appreciate every day I have with my wife and kids and by working the program, really working it, things are working out for me. As long as I continue doing things the right way, I will be back to work as a nurse in a few months and a few months ago, I thought that would never happen. Stay strong, be honest, commit yourself to recovery, and I promise life will get better! One day at a time, it will get better. I can't say for sure that you will work as a nurse again, but if this is your first experience with the BON it is very likely you will practice again. You just can't place expectations on when, where, and how it will happen. Just do the right things and it will.
Scott

[CCRNRN]

I was in the exact place you are. When approached, I denied any wrong doing and offered to take drug test. The insanity of that is so clear to me now. I new it was going to be positive. WHAT WAS I THINKING. I was suspended while they investigated and than terminated when results of tests were positive. Instead of going to the board and asking for help, the board came to me. My addiction(it is so hard to own that) helped me loose my job, my peers trust and even their admiration of my nursing skills. You have the opportunity to take a different path than I. I hope that you can find the strength to be owned and own up to your actions. I know how scary it is. I know the despair. It will be so much worse if you take the same path I did. Keep us posted. You are not a bad person. You are not alone.