Depressed newbie, please help...

[rob21]

you've probably heard it before on this forum a million times, i'm a male nursing student and it's official, i am depressed, and have been for a long time. i keep trying to 'wait it out' but it hasn't got better. i don't want to see a therapist, and won't. this is something i need to get over on my own.

i am a 21 yr old male student who is doing very well in the program (3.8 gpa), but: i have no friends really, the girls are very, very shady to me and everyone is in 'cliques' but me i'm very nice to everyone, nothing changes though. there are only 2 guys in my class, one is gay and the other is a dope head like guy. neither i would prefer to hang out with on the weekends (nothing against gays by no means). plus i don't drink or party so that makes it hard for me to fit in really.

the thing that worries me the most is salary. i want to have a family when i'm older, i want to get them nice things and live in a nice place (not a mansion, but you get the point). it's just so embarrasing! EVERYONE mistakes me for a doctor or thinks i should be a doctor, after all, i was valedictorian of my high school. it was so different in high school, i had so many friends and was an athlete and was so happy. sorry to ramble on and on, but i have no desire to do anything, i can't sleep, and i find myself constantely alone with on and off periods of crying. not sure what i'm asking of this forum, but i figured i'd post anyways. thanks for reading.

[SteveD]

Hey Rob, sorry to hear about your situation. I respect the fact that you said you don't want to see a therapist or what have you. I'm 26, and I graduated from nursing school a few months ago. School took an emotional toll on me too. I'm not trying to discredit your feelings, I'm just saying I can relate. I remember I'd cry for like no reason, and just being really emotional. I was really anxious about grades, I felt like I had to be perfect. And then when I'd get below a 90% on a test i'd freak. BUT me, unlike you from the sounds of it, had peers that I could share my feelings with along with 2 great parents and friends. I had about 7 of the coolest guys in my class that I could talk to. Do you have any friends you can talk to? How about your parents? You can always talk to your instructors, and student counselors. I know you don't want to hear this, but if you're depression is really bad, maybe you should make an appointment with your physician for an evaluation. I'm only throwing out ideas here, and probably no ideas you haven't yourself thought of. If you ever need support, we're here for you.

[rob21]

Thanks Steve. I'm glad you can relate, especially about grades too I'm the same way. I have two incredible parents, but they are about 7 hrs away so I can only call them. I had so many best friends from high school, but they are far away and most of them changed (got into drugs, etc). My school is small so theres not many ppl to choose from to hang with. I have about 2 closer friends in the program, both are girls. Two problems with this: one, they are best friends so they hang out more together; second, they're girls, I like to hang out with guys and do guy stuff ya know? I just constantely, constantely want to be alone- I go to movies at the theatre alone, play soccer alone, and eat at restaurants alone. Those who know who I am know me as a very strong person so they think I am just really strong and independent and prefer the company of just myself as a result, but they don't know the inside because I cover it up well and I don't want them to know. Honestly, I'm scared to death about my future, whether I can make an honest living with this career where I can support a family comfortably and buy them nice things. And as I said, I'm horribly embarrassed about going into the field, it's like when I talk with a girl and flirt and try to ask her on a date I always hope to god she doesn't ask what my major is (but they always do, and I am so embarrased to tell them, sometimes I say nursing AND something, like pharmacy or chemistry). I plan on going to graduate school like you too, how is everything turning out?

[SteveD]

Right now things are fine. I enjoy nursing. It pays good. You already understand you won't get filthy rich, but it does pay good. I currently work in LTC and it's great. I enjoy my residents, aides, most of administration; Even the doctors are cool. If you really want to become a nurse, you can do it. Don't doubt your capabilities. Being a "male nurse" is nothing to be ashamed of. Personally, I hate the title "nurse". But i'm not going to get into that again!

Regarding your depression, you need to identify it's cause. If your depression is caused by environmental factors, make adjustments to correct the problem. If your depression is deeper than that (which it sounds like), talk to your doctor and see what he thinks. There are tons of antidepressant medications out there that can help you. Depression is a very real illness, and there's no shame in seeking help.

[rich_boston]

1. I am taking some nursing classes now and i find the women in there to be extremely catty and unsociable.
2. If a girl thinks less of you becuase you want to devote yourself to helping people, then there is something wrong with her not you. You have nothing to be embarrassed about.
when i decided to get into nursing i didnt want to tell anyone for fear of what they would think. what they should think of you is that you are a bright person who chose a field that can make a difference in the world
3. I dont know where you live, but in my area if you end up with a mastres, or stay with the bsn, you will have a bright future. You wil be able to provide for your family. and you will be able to show your children the value o fdoing something worthwhile.
4. I dont know what your school offers, but look into intramural sports. or if they have a gym, start going there.
5. I went to a therapist becuase i felt depressed. some of it helped. it is not a sign of weakness. you think you should just get over it yourself, but remember healthcare providers are here to help.

I hope you are doing ok!

[rob21]

Rich,
thanks, it's nice to know there is others who feel the same way i do. i feel better about being able to provide for a family now with a good salary, i was thinking about getting a phd and teaching nursing at a college, maybe coach a high school sport on the side who knows.
i've been extremely depressed lately still, but i have hope i'll get better. i would like to see a therapist, but i dont have the money for that and i dont want insurance taking care of it and the like cause my parents will find out (yes i'm embarrased and don't want my friends and family to find out). i'm ocd too (i know we all are, but i have it pretty bad it drives me nuts, but i hide it very well so noone knows hopefully...) so i was thinking about seeing a therapist for that. reason i don't want to is because i want to overcome these things myself instead of swallowing pills to solve my problems.

[Pietrantonio]

Hey man, best of luck with your situation. You seem like a great guy with a good head on your shoulders. I see depression as a "mind of matter" situation. I wouldn't worry so much about your high school buddies and how you had a lot of friends. Most people in high school usually go their own ways. I graduated in Minnesota from high school and moved to Florida with my family. I have no friends here. I was fortunate enough to meet a wonderful beautiful girl. She's like my best friend. There is hope for yah buddy. If you ever want to talk feel free to send me a message. I'm turning 21 this march. Best of luck to you and like I said, if you want to chat sometime, send me a message. (AOL IM: N13286) (MSN IM: tama36rs@hotmail.com)(Email: thomas_pietrantonio@hotmail.com)

[SteveD]

hey rob, how're things going man? haven't heard from you in a while. School going OK? What are you going over right now? Making any new friends yet? Take it easy, steve

[rob21]

thanks steve for the concern. my internet has been down so i haven't had the chance to get on here. school is 'ok'... i'm not doing too well in classes. considering i have a 3.9 gpa and would like to keep it up there, i have a D in one of my classes and a C in the other, i hope to bring it up to a C (and this is bad enough, i've NEVER got anything below a B). the teacher is extremely hard and unfair. oh well, that's life. girls are still really shady, probably always will be too. i ate lunch with some of the nursing students the other day, it went well.

i feel ashamed sometimes during class cause some of the things we do just seem so 'elementary' and 'silly' that it's somewhat insulting. ie: learning how to make a bed for 3 hours. or the atsmoshphere of the classroom, sometimes in this one class we play games to review the material (like how you played 'math basketball' in 5th grade).

on another note i was talking to some friends and my major came up and one of them said 'he's not a doctor, he's a nurse! didn't want to go for the doctor heh?' then i get made fun of. and some girl i was talking to the other day was like 'oh, a male nurse? ummm ok...' and didn't show interest. then i watched 'meet the parents', hilarious movie! but i felt just like ben stiller did. it was odd watching this.

anyways, how is everyone else doing in here? i'm curious to see what everyone does for a living in here, if they're married and how their wife feels about them being a male nurse, and what your 'style of living' is like (ie: what kind of house you live in, kids, etc, like if you're able to support yourself and your family well. i still worry about money yes, don't we all...)

thanks for the concern guys. ttyl

[CorollaULEV]

Why are you in nursing?

I am 22 and graduate in May from a nursing program (God willing). I am in it because my mother is a nurse and has been a HUGE inspiration to me - and the fact that I'm guarenteed job security and decent income - but that's not as important as the fact that I like it. I don't think your problem is so much that you're ashamed of the profession you're entering. It SEEMS like you are WAY too hard on yourself and a little bit paranoid. Being depressed can have that effect on people - BELIEVE ME, I know. In clinicals, all dressed in white with my lab coat on, EVERY patient I've ever had instantly asks if I'm going to be a doctor. I just say "no, actually, I'm going to be a nurse" with a big smile on my face. I kind of enjoy the chance to surprise people. Nursing is NOT ALL ABOUT caring and compassion. I mean, it helps and it's something you need to have to be a nurse, but people don't understand that nursing requires a very sharp mind and a LOT of skill and knowledge. The only difference between nursing and medicine is that nursing treats the person and the person's response to the disease. Medicine treats the disease itself.

I take Prozac on a daily basis. When I was 19, I was on Effexor and Prozac for almost a year, went off of it and now I'm back on the Prozac as of recently. I don't take a pill to make me happy because at some point in time, I will be able to stop taking it and be fine - but for now, no. I need the medication to help me cope and reduce some of the anxiety. It doesn't make me happy, but it DOES allow me to have a "clear mind" so that I can actually know what problems I have and work on them in a logical manner. Truth be told, I'm on Prozac and I'm pretty sad right now because my cat was crushed three days ago by a Buick. I was depressed for about a year before I got some help in the first place....and failed two semesters in college as a result. There's NO reason to feel bad if you don't have to. As far as not having the money...there are PLENTY of mental health clinics that charge based on income. I was charged $5 once for a counseling visit. The school counselors are a good resource. Use them. Chances are you're not going to feel better until you discover the root of your problems...and to do that - guess what. It might just mean taking a pill once a day or talking to a counselor. There are FAR worse options. Do what you need to do to get yourself better because if it only gets worse (which it might), then failure will not do anything good for your mood. I've been there and I know and I wish you the best.

There are better days coming

Trav