Depressed newbie, please help...

[rob21]

you've probably heard it before on this forum a million times, i'm a male nursing student and it's official, i am depressed, and have been for a long time. i keep trying to 'wait it out' but it hasn't got better. i don't want to see a therapist, and won't. this is something i need to get over on my own.

i am a 21 yr old male student who is doing very well in the program (3.8 gpa), but: i have no friends really, the girls are very, very shady to me and everyone is in 'cliques' but me i'm very nice to everyone, nothing changes though. there are only 2 guys in my class, one is gay and the other is a dope head like guy. neither i would prefer to hang out with on the weekends (nothing against gays by no means). plus i don't drink or party so that makes it hard for me to fit in really.

the thing that worries me the most is salary. i want to have a family when i'm older, i want to get them nice things and live in a nice place (not a mansion, but you get the point). it's just so embarrasing! EVERYONE mistakes me for a doctor or thinks i should be a doctor, after all, i was valedictorian of my high school. it was so different in high school, i had so many friends and was an athlete and was so happy. sorry to ramble on and on, but i have no desire to do anything, i can't sleep, and i find myself constantely alone with on and off periods of crying. not sure what i'm asking of this forum, but i figured i'd post anyways. thanks for reading.

[SteveD]

Hey Rob, sorry to hear about your situation. I respect the fact that you said you don't want to see a therapist or what have you. I'm 26, and I graduated from nursing school a few months ago. School took an emotional toll on me too. I'm not trying to discredit your feelings, I'm just saying I can relate. I remember I'd cry for like no reason, and just being really emotional. I was really anxious about grades, I felt like I had to be perfect. And then when I'd get below a 90% on a test i'd freak. BUT me, unlike you from the sounds of it, had peers that I could share my feelings with along with 2 great parents and friends. I had about 7 of the coolest guys in my class that I could talk to. Do you have any friends you can talk to? How about your parents? You can always talk to your instructors, and student counselors. I know you don't want to hear this, but if you're depression is really bad, maybe you should make an appointment with your physician for an evaluation. I'm only throwing out ideas here, and probably no ideas you haven't yourself thought of. If you ever need support, we're here for you.

[rob21]

Thanks Steve. I'm glad you can relate, especially about grades too I'm the same way. I have two incredible parents, but they are about 7 hrs away so I can only call them. I had so many best friends from high school, but they are far away and most of them changed (got into drugs, etc). My school is small so theres not many ppl to choose from to hang with. I have about 2 closer friends in the program, both are girls. Two problems with this: one, they are best friends so they hang out more together; second, they're girls, I like to hang out with guys and do guy stuff ya know? I just constantely, constantely want to be alone- I go to movies at the theatre alone, play soccer alone, and eat at restaurants alone. Those who know who I am know me as a very strong person so they think I am just really strong and independent and prefer the company of just myself as a result, but they don't know the inside because I cover it up well and I don't want them to know. Honestly, I'm scared to death about my future, whether I can make an honest living with this career where I can support a family comfortably and buy them nice things. And as I said, I'm horribly embarrassed about going into the field, it's like when I talk with a girl and flirt and try to ask her on a date I always hope to god she doesn't ask what my major is (but they always do, and I am so embarrased to tell them, sometimes I say nursing AND something, like pharmacy or chemistry). I plan on going to graduate school like you too, how is everything turning out?

[SteveD]

Right now things are fine. I enjoy nursing. It pays good. You already understand you won't get filthy rich, but it does pay good. I currently work in LTC and it's great. I enjoy my residents, aides, most of administration; Even the doctors are cool. If you really want to become a nurse, you can do it. Don't doubt your capabilities. Being a "male nurse" is nothing to be ashamed of. Personally, I hate the title "nurse". But i'm not going to get into that again!

Regarding your depression, you need to identify it's cause. If your depression is caused by environmental factors, make adjustments to correct the problem. If your depression is deeper than that (which it sounds like), talk to your doctor and see what he thinks. There are tons of antidepressant medications out there that can help you. Depression is a very real illness, and there's no shame in seeking help.

[rich_boston]

1. I am taking some nursing classes now and i find the women in there to be extremely catty and unsociable.
2. If a girl thinks less of you becuase you want to devote yourself to helping people, then there is something wrong with her not you. You have nothing to be embarrassed about.
when i decided to get into nursing i didnt want to tell anyone for fear of what they would think. what they should think of you is that you are a bright person who chose a field that can make a difference in the world
3. I dont know where you live, but in my area if you end up with a mastres, or stay with the bsn, you will have a bright future. You wil be able to provide for your family. and you will be able to show your children the value o fdoing something worthwhile.
4. I dont know what your school offers, but look into intramural sports. or if they have a gym, start going there.
5. I went to a therapist becuase i felt depressed. some of it helped. it is not a sign of weakness. you think you should just get over it yourself, but remember healthcare providers are here to help.

I hope you are doing ok!

[rob21]

Rich,
thanks, it's nice to know there is others who feel the same way i do. i feel better about being able to provide for a family now with a good salary, i was thinking about getting a phd and teaching nursing at a college, maybe coach a high school sport on the side who knows.
i've been extremely depressed lately still, but i have hope i'll get better. i would like to see a therapist, but i dont have the money for that and i dont want insurance taking care of it and the like cause my parents will find out (yes i'm embarrased and don't want my friends and family to find out). i'm ocd too (i know we all are, but i have it pretty bad it drives me nuts, but i hide it very well so noone knows hopefully...) so i was thinking about seeing a therapist for that. reason i don't want to is because i want to overcome these things myself instead of swallowing pills to solve my problems.

[jacads]

Rob,
I understand your situation. I have been a nurse for about three years after being a Paramedic since 1994. The reason I became a nurse and I think you might be interested in is to go on to CRNA school which I start in May of this year. As a CRNA you have a lot more autonomy heavy science base, and intense critical thinking. here are a couple of websites you might look at if interested. You can always email me fallonrn@yahoo.com. www.aana.com, www.allnurses.com go to nursing specialties then to nurse anesthesia. www.gaswork.com, www.gasjobs.com. CRNA's make some between $120,000/yr to $300,000 per year for something that seems like an awesome job as well as 4-6 weeks of vacation/education per year. Hope this helps some. Also try mentoring a young boy or teen and teach them things like soccer or other things you are interested in. Like a big bother or something similar. Good luck.

[rob21]

CorollaULEV,
maybe i am too hard on myself, but i'm not sad about that or does it bother me that much i dont think. but others have told me i am too hard on myself. what makes me depressed/sad is the fact i'm a nursing major and i am embarrased of it. is this what made you depressed? it's really odd, i am SO happy and jolly when i'm away from nursing, such as when i'm just chilling on the weekends, but man when clinicals come around i am shot down. i've tried various things to help me cope and really right now my biggest concern is my lack of focus and energy. my memory seems to have gone to hell. caffeine doesn't help and i tried other stimulants. a lot of the students i know are taking aderol but i dont have access to something like that. i hate to take medicines but if they help, they help.

today at clinical it was horrible. i was left in the back to walk alone, the girls didn't talk to me much, and yep i was asked 'why are you going to be a nurse, why not a doctor?' my clients daughter also told us she didn't want us taking care of her mother cause we were students. nothing seemed to go right. i left clinicals thinking about if i made the right choice going into nursing and if i was really pushing myself to my fullest potential by doing so, something that means a great deal to me. i want to make sure i am pushing myself to my limits and fullest potential. can you relate? i notice you just got your degree how is it going?

[rob21]

jacads,
thanks for the links. i actually wanted to be a CRNA for the longest time, but money was the only reason. after learning about the job and seeing it in action, it just didn't seem it was for me. not that i am trying to avoid stress, but anesthesia takes the cake. that kind of responsibility is too much for me. i do like (just 'like', not 'love') the sciences such as physiology and biology, but i was told at CRNA school you are loaded with the chemistry and some physics, two courses i cannot stand and am awful at.

one thing i am trying to find out information on is exactly what can i branch off into with a nursing degree, can i do physical therapy or be a sports trainer or physician assistant, etc etc? stuff w/o the name 'nurse' in it. just so i can keep my options open ya know? also, ironically you mentioned it, i am a mentor for 3 boys. i take them out every week or two and have been doing it for the past 2-3 years. i am not too big a fan of kids and honestly, i am very tired of doing it because i would rather spend my time with people my own age and the kids get very annoying at times, but i do it with a smile on my face and their mom told me they are in love with me so i'm glad in that sense.

how do you feel about teaching nursing? at a college and stuff? just wondering if you have any info on that.

[SteveD]

hey rob, how're things going man? haven't heard from you in a while. School going OK? What are you going over right now? Making any new friends yet? Take it easy, steve