I am always amused by some of the amazing comments that patients ask. I would be intrested in knowing some of the ones that you have heard in your career.
I amazes me that some people have made it in this world, as this next scenario reveals.
I recently had a patient which was diagnosed with given a diagnosis of Sleep apnea. During discharge teaching, I explained to him about this condition. He had wondered if this condition ran in the family. I told him that it was possible. His return statment caused me to look at him in wonder when he responded with, "It must run in the family. My father-in-law has it as well". Thinking that this was the best statment I had ever heard, I began to continure with my teaching instructions. I explained to him to confirm his diagnosis, he should follow up with his PCP to obtain a referral for a sleep study. Prior to him walking out of the room, he asked, "How many classes do I have to attend for this study?"
I have many more of these. This is my most recent. To think, these are the people that will control our country one day.
Just the other day I had a 2 day post c-section patient that suddenly had all of the symptoms and pains that her 350+ pound visitor had including hypoglycemia as the friend had a baby a few months ago so she was the authority on how the patient should feel...BTW her blood surgar was fine.
Hey, this is a great thread! Thanks for starting it. Any other great comments? :p
'Cat'
I work in L&D, and my patient was pushing enough to where you could see the head while she was pushing. The husband got really quiet for a while and then called me over to him and asked "Why is my baby's head the size of a quarter?!!" I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing, but calmly told him that his baby's head would get "bigger" as the baby moved down farther into the birth canal. "Whew, what a relief!", he said.
This is sad but true...
A four year old pt fell off a riding lawn mower (riding on parent's lap) and had amputation of a leg. We had to go to the OR to do a washout and revision amputation. Mom asks..."when will it grow back?" Had to bite my tongue not to yell...he's not a damn starfish lady...it won't grow back. Need more education in the community about what to not let young children participate in. :frustrated:
Another story that comes to mind. I assist in C-sections on occasion. I had a young patient that we were taking care of, maybe all of 18-19 yoa. We were not wanting to do a C-section on her if it could be avoided. We offered her a epidural secondary to her contractions. She flat out refused the epidural because she stated that it would prevent her from having the baby and make her contractions stop. Insert education here. Then to top that off, we needed to insert a foley cath into her bladder. Once again, she refused. She stated that when we would insert the foley it would block the passage of the baby secondary to it blocking the hole. We started to explain this to her when her very well educated hick boyfriend/husband explained it to her. He stated, "They are going to place the catheter into your Pee hole and the baby comes out of your Love Canal." She allowed us to insert the foley. :lmao:
my everyday L&D question is so when will the baby come? what time do you think the baby will come? How much longer until the baby? anything along those lines......when my crystal ball says so...my real answer is (being lots of inductions) most come between 1 & 5 pm 12 hours is average for a first labor (natural) but to get that average you have to have some at 10 in the morning and some at 10 at night....
Or "shouldn't you call the doctor?" ...no he'd only yell if he got here to soon and actually had to wait 5 minutes while she pushed he wants that baby crowning so all he has to do is catch and cut the cord but go ahead and send him a big check ok
Or she had a really big contraction the monitor was on (place number here) oh yea she's entertaining awfully well to be hurting that bad
Or from mother of 16 year old who is having her 2nd baby in 2 years (ok we get lots of those)...she's going to take care of this one that first one is mine but she's going to have to take this one....well duh.....if you'd made her take care of that 1st one maybe the 2nd wouldn't be coming this soon.....
or one more for tonight...on admission assessment "what will you be doing for birthcontrol after you deliver?" "nothing I can't take the pill (insert patch,inplant) it makes me sick or they don't work for me....me " and being pregnant doesn't make you sick????" "no they don't work if you don't take them put them between you knees and they might help"....geared more to those 16 year olds again.
My first pt in L&D (nursing school) was a 16 y/o with no prenatal care. Imagine me, showing her my mother baby book so she knows what to expect. Then picture the 16 y/o boyfriend cheezin himself...as the baby is coming..."Yo...you outta check this s**t out!" First time I saw a mediolateral episiotomy too!
:smoking2:
what they say
I had a patient today that delivered quickly...doc wasn't there I caught the baby...it was a little 5 1/2#er that came out the right way face down but spun face up at the last minute....it had a very bruised face think purple....my CST was walking past the nursery window and heard an older woman (maybe an old aunt) talking to the dad and she said boy her face is sure dark and he said yes it's bruised because she came so fast and the doctor wasn't there and they DROPPED HER...... NO I DIDN"T she was a slippery little thing but I didn't drop her....dad was standing there watching I don't know when he saw her hit the floor but I missed that part.... I wouldn't do that it would cause me too much paperwork it's messy enough as is as I didn't have a cover gown on I didn't expet her to shoot it out...the doc was in the hallway.
I love it when they say "Shouldn't you call the doctor?!!" I had a pt who's family continually asked that, during the labor process. When the doctor finally did come in for delivery, they said "Oh, I get it, you nurses do all the work and the doctor just comes in to finish up!!" We had a 35 weeker come in one time to R/O ruptured membranes. She wasn't ruptured, but had lice from head to toe, even in the hair in her arm pits!! It was SO nasty!! We were going to D/C her home, but the doc wanted us to treat the lice first. We used latex gloves to our shoulders and covered EVERY part of our body, we looked like space men, and when we treated the lice, they were so mature, they had wings!! We got a call several weeks later from a neighboring hospital requesting her prenatal record, she was delivering @ their hospital. We all did the WAVE!!
we've had the lice girls too but we don't have any nearby hospital they can go to. My doctor that missed the delivery misses some on purpose if there is anything that smells involved he's a little late...he also doesn't want to be called until you see eyebrows he wants one push....then they say oh thank you Dr. you did such a great job blah blah blah LOL....when he's getting the placenta he says isn't anybody going to help the doctor? poor thing, or when he's breaking water he'll say oh is she hurting you (meaning me) while they lay they with their eyes closed and say YES as I stand not touching them.
I have a funny story about a comment that one of the nurses I work with made the other day. We had a woman in her 80's that had come in with respiratory problems, so the ER doctor had prescribed her an albuterol inhaler upon discharge. The patient didn't know how to use an inhaler, so the nurse was telling the patient that you blow out and then you depress the canister and then breath in the medicine and hold your breath for a few seconds after breathing in. The nurse then proceeded to tell this 80 something old women "you inhale like you would if you were smoking marijuana, back in the day". The other nurses and I just looked at each other and then looked at the patient and her husband and they just stood there looking at him as if they weren't sure if he himself had some marijuana earlier in the day. I guess sometimes if you around enough crazy ER patients it can start to wear off on the staff and we to make stupid remarks, or maybe it's just the late hours we keep and we do anything and everything to keep awake.:D
Yep, cass, I hear ya!! Used to work in a hospital that the docs were the same as yours. The docs I work with now are FABULOUS, except for one,(there's always a rotten apple). When one of the nurses gave her two weeks notice, our manager asked what it would take to keep her. She said "They're paying me $4.00 and hour more." She got the raise, and stayed. Which I am glad, because she is a good nurse. But that just chapped my hide!! So I went also to my manager and asked for a $4.00 an hour raise. When my manager told me "no", I told her I guess I would have to go find another job, too, if I was to get a raise. My manager incorporated the docs, and THEY went to administration!! I got the raise.
I used to work with a female OB who insisted that ALL of her patients had enemas, because if she even smelled, let alone saw, any poop, she started puking on the spot!! How do you think her patients felt? We're telling them that if they're pooping, they're pushing in the right spot, while she's over there hurling in the trash!!
