Hi!
I am in the Pa VRP. I read your story and just have some advice that I hope will be benificial. First of all, you said you confidently told someone in HR about your problem with alchohol. You have to understand that as forthright as that was for you to do, the person you told has an obligation to protect the patients in the hospital. When a substance abuse problem of any type is disclosed, the hospital is obligated to report it to the state. You can then be enrolled in the voluntary recovery program. (VRP) Because we can't work impaired, we have to aggree to be monitored by the state. This allows us to practice with restrictions. The person you refered to as a counselor from the state is anything but that. They are a "case manager" and are there for the protection of the people of Pa. Kind of like a parol officer. It is up to us as individuals to seek treatment for our problem. When we take care of ourselves, everything else will fall into place.
I understand how you feel about the whole humiliation with rehab. I didn't care for it myself but I also knew I was manipulating and lying to people I love. I needed to let myself be led into the whole recovery thing.
Don't take the whole state monitoring thing personally. We are addicts and we're not always the most honest people. Try to meet up with some nurse groups. I found it to be a great support system. I don't know what part of Pa you're from, but there are some great groups in the philadelphia area.
Keep your chin up!