I felt empathy when I read your story. My drugs of choice were Xanax/Ambien and pain pills. I used for more that 13 years....all the way through my son's childhood. My clean date is 12-13-05, which is also the best day of my life. You mentioned you work out of your home? Be very aware of becoming isloated. I suggest you make five to seven 12-step meetings/wk to prevent isolation. Isolation is what I did best when I was using and now I know that "if I always do what I always did, I always get what I always got." ......depression/isolation/obsessing with shame/doubt. (and this can also occur with me clean) I have met some of the most wonderful people in the NA program. My sponsor has 11 years of recovery and still attends meetings/step-meetings 4-7x/wk. I want what she has and I know I have to do the work to get it. I applaud you for getting clean and realizing you are an addict. I'm not good with words and that's why I don't post on here much but I can tell you that living and enjoying life without the use of drugs(including alcohol) is the best blessing I've ever received.