revocated RN

[shjcross]

My dependence on anything controlled climaxed with an accidental OD in2006. I guess I still haven't had enough. I smoke MJ daily, weekly use opiods and drink sometimes. I'm scared because ultimately I want to be a nurse again. I know that if I don't become strong and clean I am likely to relive the past. HELP!!!!!!

[lpRN13108]

Your right..I am going through pretty much the same thing..I only have alcohol because no Dr. will prescribe anything for me but what you were saying about reliving the past is true. i intentionally tried to commit suicide Jan 08 and had about 2 mo. in and out of AA..I guess I didn't buy the fact that I had the "disease" of addiction..I drank sometimes before but I always had my xanax and vicodin so I didn't need too much alcohol. Now that alcohol is all I have since picling back up I have begun to "relive" my past craziness..I am drinking a couple shots of whiskey every couple hours..even now it is around 3am as I right this and I woke up to get a couple shots because my body woke me due to a low BAC level..so not only are we doomed to relive the past but it gets alot worse fast..Please try to get help..go vol. to an IOP if you don't want to do inpatient..I can feel your pain and suffering because right now I am there with you in my own life..but I hope you get some help soon so your life can get better..I still remember how diff. my life was a couple weeks ago..I had many new friends to do things with in AA, seeing them at meetings(which is where I got to feel like less of a freak in life because we are all equals) Now I am back to being isolated,and dependant on my husband for activity..all because I picked up a week ago to make my weekend get away "more exciting" Sober Laurie is very mellow, and less exciting sexually so I decided to bring the old Laurie back "just for a nught" but now I can't seem to put her away again..Get help before it is too late.

[lpRN13108]

I have a thread called Just for today..if you read some of the earlier posts when i first got sober, and how things changed..then what it is like again in my recent posts..you will get a better idea of how sobriety can change your life and attitiude. I think I will go and do that right now. I know I miss the person I was becoming in recovery..and I'm sure the rest of my family does too.Please keep talking to us here..the feedback helps alot and sometimes when we can't face "people" it is easy to face "the keyboard", and there are real friends here

[shjcross]

Thanks. I know what I need to do. Sometimes I'm comfortable with where I'm at; other times I'm not. My theory is that there is a sick part of your mind and there is the part of your mind that really wants to be well. At times the part that is still sick wears you down; the problem with that is when you bathe your brain in the feel good chemicals you care less and the healthy part loses ground. It becomes easier to just shut out all things you know you want your life to be.

The part about the sex, when I'm not using I miss the intense sensation that seems to exist only when I'm "high". After 18 years of marriage to be able to have GREAT sex is a blessing. It's too bad I need the chemicals to feel that way.

Anyway, let's both hang in there and do our best to get to where we need to be....for our selves and families.

SJC:star: