I am sitting in my chair getting ready to go to another day of councilling which will be my 5th 4 hour day. No I do not have drug issues, I hate taking pills in the first place and now I am taking Zoloft 50 mg and Trazadone 100 mg and the doc wants me to go up to 150mg... having an issue here.
What is my problem, sleep deprivation, depression and my manager said I have anger issues from one incident where a LVN got in my face banging a chart around. I walked away and reported it and I am the one on FMLA and having to go to a in day clinic to keep my license. I am so confused about that, that I was the one who walked away. She told me that the way I talked to people were demeaning and arrogant... I was not aware of that but I am now.
Grant you I have some crap in my past that I have been dealing with for years. I am aware of my past and I thought I have moved past it. Well I guessed wrong. It has brought me here today. Am I the only nurse dealing with Depression and Anger... are there other nurses out there. Need advice on how to beat this beast. I have no outlet I did not turn to drugs and alcohol... but I turned it inwards and that has crippled me. I love nursing. I enjoy taking care of the patient no one else wants, the one with aids, the one with the foul mouth, the one that is dying.
Waiting patiently.
Turning one's emotions inward is perhaps the most destructive thing we can suffer, mentally AND physically. Perhaps you can learn how to 'beat this beast'best in your program.
Acknowledging things is just the first step. Good luck; I want to know how you're doing!
About a year or so ago I read a research study that stated that something like 15% of all nurses have PTSD with insomnia, depression and anxiety, and 20% of the ER nurses have PTSD and 29% of Critical Care nurses have PTSD with these symptoms.
I truly believe that these numbers may be understated because nurses are expected to keep going no matter what we see or treat or do (to treat a patient) in the course of a "normal" nursing day.
However, internalizing your emotions won't help. I give you credit for recognizing the problem and working on it, and I wish you luck on this endeavor.
Well let me just start to say the way was not EASY. The first two weeks in group therapy and starting Zoloft 100mg daily and Trazadone that was increased to 150mg at night for sleep that would not work so clonzapin 1mg was added I found myself in a psych inpatient hospital so scared of the world that I truely wanted to die. The doctor there got me off all those other meds and started me on Celexa 40mg daily and Restoril 30mg at night, along with therapies that took place all day long. I spent just over a week before I started to realize that okey I have problems but I can deal with it. I spent another 3 weeks in a partial program in group 4 hours a day and talking about my issues. I do have Major Depressive Disorder which means I had to join the Texas TPAPN program before going back to work. I can smile again and see that yes turning ones frustrations inwards along with disappointments and anger just to meet everyone else's needs is not a good thing. I will never ever be able to work nights in my career, which will limit me for some folks. I have been able to stay with the hospital that I have been with and will be working with another Manager who is willing to work with the TPAPN requirements and who will help me succeed. I will be in therapy for awhile yet to come. I still have a long ways to go, but now I know what is happening I can deal with my career and my life better and will make me a better nurse in the long run. I hope. If anything I have learned that nurses dont have to have just problems with drugs and alcohol and require help from others. I hope that someday I can help another nurse who is so lost in the darkness and show them the light at the end of the tunnel.
Sunny, I am glad to know that you are still with us. :) It's also good to know that you are 'beating your beast'.
Jenny's post got me thinking: we nurses are in the front line; we deal with so much. How many out there don't realize how close to the edge they are?
Cougar you have a point. There must be a problem because TPAPN has extended their umbrella to cover nurses with MDD, Bipolar, OCD, and other issues related to the psych and not just drugs and alcohol dependency, which I have also learned is a coping issue for STRESS. What I dont get, I know there is a problem lurking in our ranks, you know that there is a problem, and those in higher powers know that there is a problem. Why is it that no one is looking for a way to find out why, how to help, and how to prevent the so called burn out? We talk about the nursing shortage and the aging population of our ranks. Makes one go HMMMMMMMMMM....
If I find any good articles, I will be sure to post them.
At least we can still support each other here when able.
Yes we can support each other and I am gratefull to be able to talk to others, to see if other nurses suffer from depression or other psych issue that are able to continue to be able to work in their career.
I have joined the TPAPN and start work in one week. I am very nervous and a little scared, yet I am very happy to get my life going again. The thing is my doctor has me on Restoril to help me sleep after trying other meds that did not work, trazadone at 150mg would not keep me asleep and gave me headaches that lasted, Ambien gave me nightmares and I would walk in my sleep, and benedryl acts the opposit with me. I understand TPAPN advisor not wanting me on something that is addicting... but my doctor is not ready for me to stop taking the med quite yet. I have come far under his care and I am inclind to listen to my doctor.
I am sure that, if you are asked by the Board why on the medication, the doctor will provide a suitable answer?
Am glad to know about the job. Is it a new one? :confused: :o
The job is with the same organization but I have a different manager and on a different floor. It is days and the manager is very willing to help me succeed and will work my schedule around the TPAPN meetings and it is a set schedule so that I can schedule therapy and doctor appointments. My advocate that I have is very supportive too and has helped the manager and me with the understanding of the requirements of TPAPN and what goes into my employee files and what stays out. The EAP though can check on me can not keep copies of what I send to TPAPN... that is between the manager and me... so I dont know what his feeling were towards that. Though I am still nervous..I am happy so I am keeping a positive attitude toward this..
Since September 2008 my life has been a roller coaster of emotions, tears, fears and now I can add laughter to that list. Seems I have found my spot in nursing again and that is in med surge. Slow my confidence is coming back and I have co workers who all care about each other. We went through the my first quarter meeting and I have recieved a good report from fellow workers and manager. It is still hard going to therapy and dealing with my closet as I call it, but the depression has been lifting. My therapist believes that I suffer from PTSD from my past. Who knows. I know I am thinking better and I am still taking each day as a gift. I am working now on the relationships within my family, and that of letting go. Now looking back, I can not change what had happened, nor the paths I went down. Some of those I choose not to due to my kids and the path I am on today. Funny isn't it, the past that hurts, at times make a person stronger than they thought they are.
Glad to hear you are doing well, Sunny.
Whenever you need to vent, feel free to do so; we'll be here for you.
