I am trying to develop a bumper sticker to send candidates that I place along with my business card and a hand written letter of congratulations. I just can't come up with a clever slogan for the bumper sticker. any suggetions?
I work as a pediatric nurse, and often have the painful job of giving shots to the children. One day upon entering the examining room to give a shot the little girl starting screaming “NO! NO! NO!”
“Jessica” her mother scolded, “that is not polite behavior!”
At that the girl continued to scream “NO THANK YOU! NO THANK YOU! NO THANK YOU!”
If you leave your shoes in the garage
You check your caller's ID on your days off
You can eat popcorn from a clean bedpan
You always have extra pen in your pocket
AND THEY AREN'T YOURS!
James is 87, the sweetest of patients, one of nature’s gentlemen. Just the other day when I was giving James a sponge bath I stood him up next to the bed so I could wash his privates when he looked down and said, “Have you ever seen anything so big?”
I didn’t know what to tell him. All I could think of was there was this guy down in Florida one time…
But before I could say a word James shook his head and said, “My brother-in-law told me once that these have got to be the biggest damn feet he has ever seen!”
No one can argue against the fact that a simple “thank you” from patients can complete a nurse’s day. It’s a reminder that despite all their misgivings, they are still doing what they’re supposed to do at the end of the day.
“One time when I had worked a double and came back the next day, I had very little sleep in between and was sooooo tired I fell asleep sitting on the toilet!”
— Cathi Alexia Spears on Facebook sweeps question “Where’s the weirdest place you’ve taken a nap?”
”‘Positive Revlon Sign’—you can tell when a patient is feeling better when she starts to wear makeup.”
— Jenn O’Keefe on Nursing slang terms—got any top picks?
“AJU = All Jacked Up (multiple issues)
FTF = Failure to Fly (usually head-bonks, but can be used throughout traumas)
FLK with GLM/GLD = Funny Lookin’ Kid with Good Lookin’ Mom/Dad (probably a syndrome)
FLK with FLM/FLK = Funny Lookin’ Kid with Funny Lookin’ Mom/Dad (probably just genetics)
Capital A circled = can mean either ‘anxious’ or ‘a**hole,’ depending on the situation…one step above PITA.”
— NurseDaisy on Top 40 slang terms for nurses
“Forensic Pathologist fishes a body out of a river and knows right away it’s a nurse. Why? The stomach was empty, the bladder full, and the a** completely chewed off!”
— via Theresa Brown, nurse, New York Times blogger, and contributor to Scrubs magazine and shared on Facebook.com/FunnyNurses
“I used to say you must be a nurse if you believe speeding lead therapy (a bullet) is one of the best treatments for some patients.”
Vanessa Cain on Nurse Jackie’s “You might be a nurse if…”
“Nap? What is that? Being a nurse I rarely find myself with the luxury of a nap. Those little catnaps work wonders, though…I woke up with my head on the laundry basket in the closet. I only got down there to find my missing shoe, I swear. LOL!”
— Tina Christensen on Facebook sweeps question “Where’s the weirdest place you’ve taken a napp?
“Forensic Pathologist fishes a body out of a river and knows right away it’s a nurse. Why? The stomach was empty, the bladder full, and the a** completely chewed off!”
— via Theresa Brown, nurse, New York Times blogger, and contributor to Scrubs magazine and shared on Facebook.com/FunnyNurses
“Someone please tell the new kids (or whoever does this) that there is to be no crack on the unit. Besides dragging pants, there’s an awful lot of butt cracks showing with those low riders…arrgh!”
— 10 style tips from the Head Nurse
“Going along with the popcorn from a bedpan thing, I have also seen people on my floor drink pop out of the big graduates that we empty foleys and colostomys into! I can’t bring myself to do it because even though I know they are clean, I can’t get over the mental image.”
— Jessica on Nurse Jackie’s “You might be a nurse if…”
"Here's to the blood of your health, here's to the health of your blood, if you've got good blood, you've got good health, so here's to your bloody good health!"
“I remember the fear of realizing on the first day [of nursing school] that watching every episode of ER would get me nowhere.”
— Victor on 16 things I remember from nursing school
“@ Michelle: Batman and Iron Man shirts have nothing on Charlie Brown, Winnie the Pooh and the Jonas Brothers scrubs designs.”
— Nicole Lehr on You know you’re a pediatric nurse when…
“I used to say you must be a nurse if you believe speeding lead therapy (a bullet) is one of the best treatments for some patients.”
Vanessa Cain on Nurse Jackie’s “You might be a nurse if…”
“I used to say you must be a nurse if you believe speeding lead therapy (a bullet) is one of the best treatments for some patients.”
Vanessa Cain on Nurse Jackie’s “You might be a nurse if…”
I was assigned to care for a young man who had been shot three times. He had no life threatening injuries but certainly severe wounds. I barged into his single room to ask if he’d completed his menu for the following day to find him standing gingerly beside his bed using a urinal. To cover any embarrassment he might feel, I blurted out an old Australian expression: “Oh! The sights you see when you haven’t got a gun!” Needless to say, I blushed!
A first year student in her first month of clinicals in a general surgery ward gave this report of her patient to her clinical instructor:
“My patient Mr. X is a 45-year-old gentleman who has been diagnosed to have a calcium stomach.”
The instructor was confused as she had never heard of a calcium stomach. When she opened the patient’s history sheet, it turned out to be carcinoma – Ca Stomach.
I was caring for a 22-year-old newly diagnosed insulin dependent Diabetic who was extremely non-compliant. In my effort to illustrate that compliance and good control of blood sugars generally will delay the onset and severity of long-term complications, I shared the clinical picture of a young man. The man, due to his denial of his disease, by 32 years of age was blind, on dialysis, had lost his testicles and was about to have his feet amputated. The patient cried out in horror, “How can you live without testicles?”
”‘Positive Revlon Sign’—you can tell when a patient is feeling better when she starts to wear makeup.”
— Jenn O’Keefe on Nursing slang terms—got any top picks?
“One time when I had worked a double and came back the next day, I had very little sleep in between and was sooooo tired I fell asleep sitting on the toilet!”
— Cathi Alexia Spears on Facebook sweeps question “Where’s the weirdest place you’ve taken a nap?”
“Forensic Pathologist fishes a body out of a river and knows right away it’s a nurse. Why? The stomach was empty, the bladder full, and the a** completely chewed off!”
— via Theresa Brown, nurse, New York Times blogger, and contributor to Scrubs magazine and shared on Facebook.com/FunnyNurses
“Someone please tell the new kids (or whoever does this) that there is to be no crack on the unit. Besides dragging pants, there’s an awful lot of butt cracks showing with those low riders…arrgh!”
— 10 style tips from the Head Nurse
“TMB. One of my favorite doctors actually used this as a diagnosis—’Too Many Birthdays’! Haha.”
— Amanda Belcher Klumpp on Nursing slang terms—got any top picks?
“I took a nap in the broom closet and forgot to wake up, and the entire staff looked for me for an hour. They thought someone had kidnapped me because it was on third shift and the nursing home was out in the boondocks.”
— Patrika Cos on Facebook sweeps question “Where’s the weirdest place you’ve take a nap?”
“I just realized that I graduated from nursing school 20 years ago today! I remember drawing blood for the first time on a real person (not those fake mannequin arms with the red dyed liquid). One of the nurses I worked with was brave enough to let me practice on her. As I started through the skin, she yelled, ‘Ouch!’ It startled me so much I dropped the needle. It was hanging off her arm, half in and half out, as she said through gritted teeth, ‘Finish shoving it all the way in!’ I did. Finished drawing the blood and we still laugh about that to this day.”
—Cindi Beck Jenkins on 16 things I remember from nursing school
“My all-time favorite is when you wear regular dress clothes and a guy looks at you and says, ”I have never seen you with clothes on.” A doctor said this to me once. The nurses’ station got very quiet, and then when he walked away, there were lots of hoots!”
— Melanie on 5 things a male nurse should never say to a female nurse
“I was taking care of a 96-year-old black lady who thanked me repeatedly for being an angel. ‘Oh, I’m no angel,’ I assured her, ‘just ask my kids. They think I’m the Wicked Witch of the West.’ Without skipping a beat, she said, ‘Child, that means you’re doing your job.’ I love that lady sooooo much and have used her line repeatedly on my kids, much to their displeasure!”
— Maureen Evers on Facebook sweeps question “What’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever received?”
“TMB. One of my favorite doctors actually used this as a diagnosis—’Too Many Birthdays’! Haha.”
— Amanda Belcher Klumpp on Nursing slang terms—got any top picks?
“I used to say you must be a nurse if you believe speeding lead therapy (a bullet) is one of the best treatments for some patients.”
Vanessa Cain on Nurse Jackie’s “You might be a nurse if…”
“I just realized that I graduated from nursing school 20 years ago today! I remember drawing blood for the first time on a real person (not those fake mannequin arms with the red dyed liquid). One of the nurses I worked with was brave enough to let me practice on her. As I started through the skin, she yelled, ‘Ouch!’ It startled me so much I dropped the needle. It was hanging off her arm, half in and half out, as she said through gritted teeth, ‘Finish shoving it all the way in!’ I did. Finished drawing the blood and we still laugh about that to this day.”
—Cindi Beck Jenkins on 16 things I remember from nursing school
“Psych hospital, struggling with a difficult patient during a tense situation. While trying to restrain said patient, bottoms came loose and fell down as I was tackled to the floor. Now lying on the floor (which is covered in urine from the patient’s refusal to use the restroom) and restraining patient with pants around my ankles. Then staff shows up in room to this image. Will never live it down (and want to shower every time I even think about it).”
—Jeffrey Bodurka on Facebook sweeps question “What is your worst OMG scrubs stain story?”
“I used to say you must be a nurse if you believe speeding lead therapy (a bullet) is one of the best treatments for some patients.”
Vanessa Cain on Nurse Jackie’s “You might be a nurse if…”
“One time when I had worked a double and came back the next day, I had very little sleep in between and was sooooo tired I fell asleep sitting on the toilet!”
— Cathi Alexia Spears on Facebook sweeps question “Where’s the weirdest place you’ve taken a nap?”
“I used to say you must be a nurse if you believe speeding lead therapy (a bullet) is one of the best treatments for some patients.”
Vanessa Cain on Nurse Jackie’s “You might be a nurse if…”
“Someone please tell the new kids (or whoever does this) that there is to be no crack on the unit. Besides dragging pants, there’s an awful lot of butt cracks showing with those low riders…arrgh!”
— 10 style tips from the Head Nurse
“I was taking care of a 96-year-old black lady who thanked me repeatedly for being an angel. ‘Oh, I’m no angel,’ I assured her, ‘just ask my kids. They think I’m the Wicked Witch of the West.’ Without skipping a beat, she said, ‘Child, that means you’re doing your job.’ I love that lady sooooo much and have used her line repeatedly on my kids, much to their displeasure!”
— Maureen Evers on Facebook sweeps question “What’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever received?”
“@ Michelle: Batman and Iron Man shirts have nothing on Charlie Brown, Winnie the Pooh and the Jonas Brothers scrubs designs.”
— Nicole Lehr on You know you’re a pediatric nurse when…
“Nap? What is that? Being a nurse I rarely find myself with the luxury of a nap. Those little catnaps work wonders, though…I woke up with my head on the laundry basket in the closet. I only got down there to find my missing shoe, I swear. LOL!”
— Tina Christensen on Facebook sweeps question “Where’s the weirdest place you’ve taken a napp?”
“I was taking care of a 96-year-old black lady who thanked me repeatedly for being an angel. ‘Oh, I’m no angel,’ I assured her, ‘just ask my kids. They think I’m the Wicked Witch of the West.’ Without skipping a beat, she said, ‘Child, that means you’re doing your job.’ I love that lady sooooo much and have used her line repeatedly on my kids, much to their displeasure!”
— Maureen Evers on Facebook sweeps question “What’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever received?”
