I new to ultimatenurse. I have been reading forum for months, maybe almost a year, but never registered until now. I, like you, reviewed posts for every recovery thread. It made me nervous....scared...hopeless....regretful. I understand the urge to "go". After some deep soul searching and prayer, I am continuing my recovery program with the pa board of nursing. My liscence is restricted at least for the first 6 months I return to work. I have had 29 interviews. I have applied for 72 nursing positions. I haven't been offered employment, despite immediate calls for interviews after review of my resume. I understand the urge to go....give up. I made terrible choices. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about and regret my actions. I have been a nurse for 17 years and sometimes think it would just be easier to "go". But I think at least for me that this program is keeping my recovery on track. It is motivation for me to stay well and to finally come to terms with what brought me here. I am staying. When I begin to doubt my decision, I think about how hard I worked to be a nurse. I think about my nursing skills, and how many patients I have cared for. I let myself remember that I am a good nurse and I deserve this chance. So do you.