Scared out of my mind

[Sheley]

I am currently in a similar situation. The only difference is that I took the drug for myself and not someone else. I am in recovery and to tell you the truth, this incident has changed my life in good ways. I am more greatful and more prayerful than I ever was. You just need to pray and put it in God's hands, I know its difficult, trust me, I am still not working and still have to go through the court system. I was able to save my licence by joining the impaired nurse program in my state. My lawyer said I might get a misdemeanor which I can later get expunged from my record. Be strong, be hopefull and prayerfull.

[whome3]

grayson,

I strongly advice that you seek legal help immediately for this!!

And what ever you do, DO NOT talk to the BON investigator without legal counsel!!

I am not a lawyer, but have read a lot and helped others with questions by looking at states nursing regs. Diverting drugs for personal use and diverting for sale or distribution to others are 2 VERY different things.

personal diversion is the result of addiction, which can be treated but diverting for distribution is much worse, ( in the eyes of the law and the BON)

There is no way that you can place this act on your exhusband, abuse or not. You alone commited the act, and it was not something that you were Had to do... Just because he asked you to get him drugs does not make him the guilty one here... you could have said no.


I am worried about this for you and how this will be handled both criminally and by the BON.

[dlf2007]

Ditto to whome3's post...I totally agree. Good words of advice. Please keep us posted.

[grayson]

Well, to give you all sort of an update...I have explained things to my parents..(in the best way i could) and yes, very disappointed, but at the same time, my father used to be a Deputy and he knows the legal aspect of things...one good thing..the Trooper did not read me my rights nor did he explain i didn't have to answer anything without a lawyer present...(something they are required to do when questioning you about anything)...my father said the trooper made a lot of mistakes which may help in my case...he verbally abused me and basically scared me so bad that even if i wasn't guilty i probably would have said I was...the Trooper did call me..and of course as i should have known his attitude was so much worse..he just wanted an admission from me and he could care less about anything else..he was so rude on the phone...as far as I'm concerned, i will NEVER trust the police again! Anyway..i just got out of the hospital..spent 9 days there with pneumonia...so i have to call the trooper back tomorrow and find out what's next..the only info i got from him was that I needed $300 + for a "fine" and he needed my fingerprints...then i'm sure court will follow...I can not afford a lawyer, but i do plan on figuring out a way to get one..my mouth is shut from this point on...not admitting to anything...infact..quite the opposite..it's just terrible when the worse regret is telling the cop i actually did it...but..other then a written statement..he has nothing...and i really didn't write much that could harm me. Something along the lines of tampering with the demerol because i was going to take it, but after coming to my senses, and realizing that i was doing it out of fear for my safety, i put it back...i wrote that i didn't want the responsibility on my hands if somene were to OD or die...
so..i guess i'm just playin it day by day...i honestly don't know what i'll do about my nursing career...we'll see what happens when I go infront of the board...if they are willing to HELP me and even make me do a treatment program...whatever..i would be willing to do that...if they could give me a second chance....that would be great...but if they can't be understanding and things get too out of hand..and i'm looked at like a criminal and loser, well, then i think i'll change career paths...don't know what i'd actually DO..sux cause i'm stuck in this dump of a town that has nothing to offer...but i'm tired..i really wish i wouldn't have went to nursing school ya know..it's like i worked so hard for something and was so proud of myself for getting through it as a single mom...i have never been proud of myself before..EVER..until I graduated nursing school and knew i did it raising a boy, working two jobs and ending up pregnant during my last semester...along with all the bad luck i had of my father having open heart surgery during my finals, my son going through testing for what doctors thought was a fatal disease...all the stress i endured with personal issues and living in a new city to boot...but i did all that and I got through it all and I did it! I graduated! I passed my boards on my first try and man..i did the thing i NEVER thought i'd do...and now for what? To throw it all away...i did it all for nothing...
Anyway, thanks again guys for your support...if anyone knows by the way what will happen if my License from the other state i worked in goes through ( i let it expire two yrs ago, but recently sent in for a renewal knowing i was eventually going to move there) If I get it before anything happens here, will they take that away as well? Or do you have to actually do something in that state? And if anyone knows what i may be expecting from this point on with the court system, please let me know...if i didn't actually take the drugs...can i go to prison? Or will they most likely put me on probation or something since it's my first offense? I went from feeling sad and ashamed about this to really PO'd! Don't get me wrong..still ashamed i did this in the first place..but even my drug test came back negative...should be proof right there that i didn't take it! Thanks again guys! Y'all hang in there as well!

grayson,

I strongly advice that you seek legal help immediately for this!!

And what ever you do, DO NOT talk to the BON investigator without legal counsel!!

I am not a lawyer, but have read a lot and helped others with questions by looking at states nursing regs. Diverting drugs for personal use and diverting for sale or distribution to others are 2 VERY different things.

personal diversion is the result of addiction, which can be treated but diverting for distribution is much worse, ( in the eyes of the law and the BON)

There is no way that you can place this act on your exhusband, abuse or not. You alone commited the act, and it was not something that you were Had to do... Just because he asked you to get him drugs does not make him the guilty one here... you could have said no.


I am worried about this for you and how this will be handled both criminally and by the BON.

[cougarnurse]

Hope you realize you have quite a few who will worry about you here, too, right? Keep coming by for support, and post elsewhere, too, eh?

[cali510]

Thanks for giving us the update. We all do stupid stuff sometimes, the brain is never in proper gear when we do. Hope this resolves favorably for you and that you can get back to a manageable life. Continue to keep us up to date and remember we care.

[selfish]

I'm in a very similar situation. I was terminated for diversion. I started into the nursing assistance program, but unfortunately, it wasn't done early enough. I wish I had known how to admit it before being terminated. I think that my employer would have worked with me if I only I would have admitted it. I still haven't talked with my parents, siblings, and kids. I don't know how and haven't had time to learn. I was terminated on July 2nd and started my intake process that same night. My newest fear after reading stories on here is, will I go to jail? Can anyone tell me? I have not heard from an officer yet, but am scared to death.:nurse-hang:

[grayson]

I'm in a very similar situation. I was terminated for diversion. I started into the nursing assistance program, but unfortunately, it wasn't done early enough. I wish I had known how to admit it before being terminated. I think that my employer would have worked with me if I only I would have admitted it. I still haven't talked with my parents, siblings, and kids. I don't know how and haven't had time to learn. I was terminated on July 2nd and started my intake process that same night. My newest fear after reading stories on here is, will I go to jail? Can anyone tell me? I have not heard from an officer yet, but am scared to death.:nurse-hang:

Well, I hope you still check this site for advice! I would like to tell you this from what i've experienced thus far.. I don't think you will go to jail..I am unlucky to "do time" in my situation and I actually did the stupid thing of admitting it to the state police officer and writing a statement! I am still going through the court process..I will be going to trial. BUt my Lawyer said that even the prosecutor doesn't want to end up chargin me with a felony if he can avoid it otherwise i won't be able to find a job in any line of work let alone nursing. I have spoken with the investigator for the BON and he told me I should call and get into the HPRP group which, in my state, is a group for people in the medical field who are addicts and still want to keep their license and work. I don't know much about it as I've never had to go through this before, but basically the investigator told me that if i take the blame of being the "addict" (verses my ex whom i got it for), and get into this HPRP thing I will be able to keep my RN license. The only bad thing about it is that whomever i work for in the future has to know i'm in this program because i have to be monitered and drug tested for at least 2 yrs. The confusing thing is my LAWYER told me I probably wouldn't be able to work as an RN anymore and I should find a different career. I don't know if he just doesn't know how the Licensure process works for this kind of charge, or if this is something the court is going to order for me? I don't know. But it's unlikely I will go to jail because i have never done anything wrong legally in the past and this is my first offense. To give a quick update to everyone, They are basically chargin JUST me of this whole "larceny" thing. My ex denied everything (no surprise) and of course since they have my admission to taking the narcs, they are just looking at ME! So my lawyer told me to go ahead and talk to the investigator for the BON which i did. The investigator advised me to take the blame and state the narcs were for me so the BON would be easier on me and more lilkely to let me keep my license if i follow through with this HPRP program. So i will soon find out if this guy was being honest with me or just trying to get me to admit to something I didn't do ...because i'm sure my time will come where i meet with the board. I just hope I can go through with this monitering thing. Gosh, it can't be fun to go to work everyday knowing that you are being watched like a hawk and not trusted by your bosses and fellow employees..i just don't know if i can do it! I want to keep my license but at the same time, i don't want to be treated like dirt! Not only that..but i have to find a job! Who will hire me when they know what i've done!? These are just a few of the things that are stressing me out these days! I did of course tell my parents..who have, for the most part, been supportive..I don't get sick to my stomach all the time like i used to..but i do at least once a day when i think about everything..i just wanted to give an update and let this other person who is "Scared to Death" know that you will not likely go to jail. Especially since you admitted it. The courts LOVE when you admit your guilt..it's an ego trip for the prosecutor..give em what they want and move on..that's all you can do...i just know i HATE cops now..(even though my father was a cop and I was going to be one before i went to nursing school) LOL..i shouldn't say i HATE them..but i dont trust them and will never volunteer information again! Not for anything! Even if i witness something! LOL ...thanks guys..and please keep writing..i still need support!

[hppygr8ful]

It sounds like you need a new lawyer! I basically fired my lawyer back in the day because he started telling me to kis my nursing career goodbye. the fact is many nurses get in trouble and many get better and continue nursing. The monitoring restictions are sometimes horrendous and Draconian but I assure you that this too shall pass.

You have admitted to crime and should pay the consequences for that but that should not preclude your practicing nursing as long as you meet any stipulations offered by the board.

From your posts it does not sound as if you are addict so why admit to being one? Unless there is something your not telling I would stick to the co-dependency defense and see what happens. If they don't have a positive UDS they have nothing. Of course co-dependency is a kind of addiction in and of itself and needs treatment just like any other mental health issue.

I encourage you to look into a 12 step group that deals with co-dependence.

If you end up in a monitoring program don't worry about what other people think. As Dr. Phil says " You wouldn't worry about what people thought of you if you realized how rarely they did." I actually can't stand DR. Phil but I like the quote.

My personal experience with being in a monitoring program was mostly positive. I made many good friends and we all helped eachother along the way. While the BON certainly gives you that "under the microscope feeling" I never felt that way at work. My employer was very supportive and highly vested in my success. They were discrete and no-one knew my situation unless I told them.

Peace and Namaste

Hppy

[grayson]

It sounds like you need a new lawyer! I basically fired my lawyer back in the day because he started telling me to kis my nursing career goodbye. the fact is many nurses get in trouble and many get better and continue nursing. The monitoring restictions are sometimes horrendous and Draconian but I assure you that this too shall pass.

You have admitted to crime and should pay the consequences for that but that should not preclude your practicing nursing as long as you meet any stipulations offered by the board.

From your posts it does not sound as if you are addict so why admit to being one? Unless there is something your not telling I would stick to the co-dependency defense and see what happens. If they don't have a positive UDS they have nothing. Of course co-dependency is a kind of addiction in and of itself and needs treatment just like any other mental health issue.

I encourage you to look into a 12 step group that deals with co-dependence.

If you end up in a monitoring program don't worry about what other people think. As Dr. Phil says " You wouldn't worry about what people thought of you if you realized how rarely they did." I actually can't stand DR. Phil but I like the quote.

My personal experience with being in a monitoring program was mostly positive. I made many good friends and we all helped eachother along the way. While the BON certainly gives you that "under the microscope feeling" I never felt that way at work. My employer was very supportive and highly vested in my success. They were discrete and no-one knew my situation unless I told them.

Peace and Namaste

Hppy

I definetly agree that my situation is just as cause for therapy and a monitoring system as being addicted to the drug myself! i would never deny help that is for sure! So do you mind if I ask you what you went through in your monitoring program? Was it like rehab or something? I'm just wondering what I am facing...and as far as my lawyer goes..yes,,he bugs me...he's a nice guy and pretty smart..but he doesn't let me get a word in edge wise when we meet...he does all the talkin..and he is one of those goody goody lawyer's who never does any wrong ya know..ahhh...oh well..that's what you get for livin in a small town..i just can't wait for all of this court stuff to be over so i can move out of town!!!