http://www.nursinghumor.com/medical/
A doctor calls a patient to report on a bone scan and biopsy.
The patient is out so the doctor leaves a message to call. As usual, no medical details are left.
After a day of telephone tag, the doctor and the patient finally get together on the phone.
Says the doctor in a matter of fact voice, "I have good news and bad news. Which will you have first?"
"The good news." "
OK. The reports say that your cancer has metastasized all over and that you have 48 hours to live."
"You call that good news? It must be the bad news. What could possibly be worse?"
"Well, the bad news is that I tried to call you yesterday."
******************************************************
More Medical Jokes,
http://www.nursinghumor.com/medical
Follow us on Twitter!
http://twitter.com/nursefriendly
Sincerely,
Andrew Lopez, RN
Nursefriendly, Inc. A New Jersey Corporation.
38 Tattersall Drive, Mantua New Jersey 08051
http://www.nursefriendly.com info@nursefriendly.com ICQ #6116137, AOL “nursefriendly”
856-415-9617, (fax) 415-9618
150,000 + Nurse-Reviewed & Approved Nursing Links
http://www.4nursing.com
http://www.4nursingstudents.com
http://www.4travelnursing.com
http://www.jocularity.com
http://www.lopez1.com
http://www.nursinga2z.com
http://www.nursingdiscussions.com
http://www.nursinghumor.com
http://www.nursingentrepreneurs.com
http://www.nursingexperts.com
A young guy comes to a doctor. After examination the doctor says:
- So, we will have to cut one of your lungs.
The guy is astonished and tells:
- But doctor, my lungs have always been great, I have never had any problems with them.
- I see it myself. But your liver have no room anymore.
On a busy med-surg floor, the doctor stopped to brief me on a patient’s condition: “This patient is a fellow physician and my favorite golf partner. His injury is serious and I fear he will not be able to play golf again unless you follow my orders exactly.”
The doctor then began listing orders: “You must give an injection in a different location every 20 minutes, followed by a second injection exactly five minutes after the first. He must take two pills at exactly every hour, followed by one pill every 15 minutes for eight hours. He must drink no more and no less than 10 ounces of water every 25 minutes and must void between. Soak his arm in warm water for 15 minutes, then place ice for 10 minutes and repeat over and over for the rest of the day. Give range of motion every 30 minutes. He requires a back rub and foot rub every hour. Feed him something tasty every hour. Be cheerful and do whatever he asks at all times. Chart his condition and vital signs every 20 minutes. You must do these things exactly as I ordered or his injury will not heal properly, and he will not able to play golf well.”
The doctor left and I entered the patient’s room. I was greeted by anxious family members and an equally anxious patient. All quickly asked what the doctor had said about the patient. I stated, “The doctor said that you will live.” Then quickly reviewing the orders, I added, “But you will have to learn a new sport.”
—Jeffrey Bodurka
Three nurses died and went to heaven, where they were met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter.
To the first, he asked, “What did you do on Earth and why should you go to heaven?” “I was a nurse in an inner city hospital,” she replied. “I worked to bring healing and peace to the poor suffering city children.” “Very noble,” said St. Peter. “You may enter.” And in through the gates she went.
To the next, he asked the same question: “So what did you do on Earth?” “I was a nurse at a missionary hospital in Africa,” she replied. “For many years, I worked with a skeleton crew of doctors and nurses who tried to reach out to as many peoples and tribes with a hand of healing and with a message of God’s love.” “How touching,” said St. Peter. “You too may enter.” And in she went.
He then came to the last nurse, to whom he asked, “So, what did you do back on Earth?” After some hesitation, she explained, “I was just a nurse at an HMO.” St. Peter pondered this for a moment, and then said, “Okay, you may enter also.”
“Whew!” said the nurse. “For a moment there, I thought you weren’t going to let me in.”
“Oh, you can come in,” said St. Peter, “but you can only stay for three days….”
—angelfire.com/wa/nursejokes
man goes to his doctor and says, "I don't think my wife's hearing isn't as good as it used to be. What should I do?" The doctor replies, "Try this test to find out for sure.
When your wife is in the kitchen doing dishes, stand fifteen feet behind her and ask her a question, if she doesn't respond keep moving closer asking the question until she hears you."
The man goes home and sees his wife preparing dinner. He stands fifteen feet behind her and says, "What's for dinner, honey?" He gets no response, so he moves to ten feet behind her and asks again. Still no response, so he moves to five feet. still no answer. Finally he stands directly behind her and says, "Honey, what's for dinner?" She replies, "For the fourth time, I SAID CHICKEN!"
A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.
"No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"
"Doctors at a hospital in Brooklyn, New York have gone on strike. Hospital officials say they will find out what the Doctors' demands are as soon as they can get a pharmacist over there to read the picket signs!"
Did you hear about the lady who got her Valium Rx and her birth control pills mixed up? She has 27 children, but she really doesn’t care!
—Contributed by Sherri Dahlerup Butler
