Deaths in the work place

[Judyd]

Recently I have had a lot of patients I have been caring for die. It is beginning to get to me. I have had more than I am use to. I also had a recent death in my family. It was an "X" of my sister. I cared for all the family involved but had to deal with personal issues of how I was really glad my sister had divorced him. I did not really like him and had to be there for nieces etc whom I loved dearly. I felt torn and like I had Gall in my mouth. Then returned to work and had two deaths in the next two days. I think I dealt with the deaths and their families well. But It was beginning to get to me with to much too close together. I did go to the bathroom and cry. How do others among us help cope with this side of our job when it just seems to gather up on us like this. Don't know if I expressed myself as well as I could but it was hard enough to write it the first time than go back and revise it. Anyone with helps for times like this??

[All41]

That is sweet to share such an emotional issue. I think that how we respond to and deal with death is very personal which makes us unique. I think it is important to embrace your pain.
When I was in nursing school and giving my first IM injection, I nearly fainted. I went into the bathroom and put my head between my legs and cried. Then I cried because I was afraid I would not be able to make it through school. A very wise nursing instructor (who I never had) shared some thoughts with me. She said it might help to focus on the good things I was doing for this patient. I had to process that over time and it has helped me through some bad times.

[Judyd]

Thanks for the input. I feel somewhat better now. I just had so many so close together and after the one in the family I began to feel picked on or something. I am better now after some days off with family and no more deaths in several days while I was working. It was just heavey on me for a few days. Thanks again...

[Baby_Nurse_To_Be]

I personally have never experience death in the work place yet. I'm a first year student. I have found it difficult with getting too attached to people. I found i get too attached and then when i comes time to leave i always end up crying. i'm very emotional.

[nursekat]

Judyd, I replied to another one of your threads on a similar issue...death is hard to deal with. I worked in pedi onco and can say I saw my fair share of suffering. You're doing the right thing - lean on anybody and everybody you can. Often nurses feel the burden of the world on their shoulders - we are the caregivers, the ones who are supposed to be strong and help others - but don't be afraid to lean back on others.

And don't feel you are "picked" - there is a saying that death happens in threes...

[Kryss88]

I am a labor and delivery nurse. When its good, its great, but when things are bad....it cant get worse. Losing a baby is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. It helps to have someone to talk to. When I was a student, I say my first baby die. It killed me. I didn't cry during clinicals, but I did for 2 days after. My husband told me there was no way I could do what I do now. I have learned something......Do your best. Sometimes, that is not going to be good enough and it is out of your hands. I now am in charge of our PRIDE unit. (dealing with families that have losses). Since I cant fix it, at least I have a way to deal with it. I cry with the families, help them with funeral arrangements, and just listen to them. In return, they help me.

My family is very supportive of me and knows to just give me space after something happens till I am ready to deal with it. I cant stress enough that you need to make a good strong support system for yourself. Friends, co-workers, and family. You need them all.

And yes, it happens in threes....the worst part.

[redrosegal]

I have been an RN for over 30 years now, and have experienced many, many deaths of my patients. They have died in the hospital, in the nursing home, at home in their own bed, in the isolette and even on a catwalk in the factory. Each has been unique and I have been there to experience it. During the years, the way I have felt about these deaths have changed. My first deathing experience occured when I was 16 years old and working in the local nursing home. She was an elderly Italian speaking patient whose family was very attentive. She died after visiting hours with a baby doll in her arms. She loved to rock and sing to that doll. She waited until her family had left, and I was the one to find her. She was still warm and had a smile on her face and the doll in her arms. I was fortunate to have had this type of "first" deathing experience, and I think it has influenced my favoring a Hospice type death over an ICU/CCU or Code type death. I however, never try to influence my patients or their families on what type of deathing experience they would prefer. I do my best to support them in whatever way they choose to pass over. I did spend a year working for Hospice and found that to be one of the most beautiful and awesome and emotional and difficult years of my life and I am grateful to have had the experience. For myself, I do not want to be hooked up to tubes and sustained just for the sake of sustaining unless my family needs some extra time to cope and I am heavily medicated. I would prefer to pass on peacefully as possible with the help of Hospice, and my children know this. It is reasonable to feel loss and feel it intensely. It is reasonable to cry inside and outside at loss. Go ahead and do it, get it out, talk about it, write about it and then let it go so that you can do it again for your patients and their families without giving in to the depression of it. Be healthy about grieving. Read Dr Kubler-Ross's latest autobiography about her personal experiences with loss. Do whatever it takes to become comfortable with death and the possibility of life after death. Research other cultures feeling about death and then come to your own conclusions about the deathing process and how it relates to you and to your interactions with your dying patients. As with the birth of a new life, the passing of life is just as emotional and life altering. I wish you peace.

[TracyR]

Sometimes we as nurses are faced with many stressors in our chosen field, and facing death is indeed one of the most emotionally draining. We must deal with our own emotions as well as those of the patient, family, loved ones, etc.

We try to keep a safe distance emotionally, and try not to get too attached, but that is sometimes just too hard to do. We are human, not machines, and that is what makes us all unique and very special in our own way. If we were to function solely as payed professionals, performing a service to society, then there would be no value whatsoever in what we do, for those who need us most.

I work in an ICU, and face death on a regular basis, and the emotional burden is sometimes overwhelming. When our efforts work and the patient recovers, we cry. When our efforts fail, we cry. Either way, I am comforted to know that I was involved in the process.

Have you ever held the hand of a patient as they took their last breath? It is electric.

It is also said that there is a high incidence of divorce in the nursing/medical field, and that this high rate is often attributed to the fact that nurses get so emotionally burned out that they have little left to give to their family, and breakdown occurs... I can relate, and it is sad.

Through it all, I love my work, I love what I do, and will continue to perform as a nurse. I hope that we all continue to care, comfort, and inspire.

[Judyd]

I have not been on for sometime and was surprised to find so much help here. This is wonderful and I thank you all. I won't stay away so long again. Thanks..

[morticiamom]

As an onco/hospice nurse I have seen much death. I had to leave the field for a while, and do office work after helping a relative through the dying process. But the hardest death was one of my fellow nurses. I reported off to her one am, the next night when I went to work she was one of our patients, admitted for severe headache, CT showed CA, emergency Sx done but just open and close due to CA too extensive. She never regained consciousness, and died that night. I couldn't get my legs to move me onto the elevator to go home next am. What else would happen?