new to site working on getting license back after surrender NEED ADVICE

[ltml82]

Hi! I have just completed year 2 of a 3-year program of monitoring by the Board. Whome3 is right-on when she recommends getting an attorney. I was ready to surrender my license after failing TPAPN twice--first for relapsing, then for missing 2 random drug tests. I thank God that at the last minute I found out about Louis Lechter and contacted his office; 2 days later he accompanied me to my informal hearing before the Board. They accepted my proof of 12 months of sobriety, so my license wasn't suspended. Now, more than 4 years later, I'm happy and successful in a job I love. Many times I felt like giving up, feeling ashamed and powerless. The process is punitive and harsh, with seemingly no compassion or understanding that addiction is an illness, not a crime or a deliberate evil. But the situation is what it is, and if one wants to stay licensed, the best choice is to get a good lawyer, make the best deal possible, and then accept the outcome. It's not easy to meet all the requirements, but it's been worth it. I really think that if I had given up on nursing I would always have felt like a failure. It war REALLY hard to go on interviews and face repeated rejection; I was amazed at how quickly I'd be shown the door once I'd disclosed my restrictions. Persistence and faith paid off, though, as they always do, and I found a job I really enjoy and am great at. I've earned back my confidence, and hope to have opportunities to help others as I've been helped. I'm sure this is way more than anyone wants to know, but it just kind of snowballed :-)

So, anyway, hang in there, hold your head high, get a good attorney, and do what you have to to keep your license. Best of luck to you!

PS: thank-you, Louis. Your support and guidance will not be forgotten!

[cougarnurse]

Congrats, ltml; it's nice to hear that you've done well.

Hope you stop by and continue to support others who are in your shoes.

[NIKALEA]

ITML82,


Thanks for posting. I've got a question, when I talk to my monitor she is so vague on 12 months verifiable sobriety, she says 12 months drug screens and NA meetings. Is that what you had to do? Was there anything else? Is that what you had to submit before being able to enter TPAPN? See, I surrendered my license and I'm working to try and get them reinstated. I started drug screens Jan of '09 but didn't do NA, so I started NA in Oct of '09, I called in Jan of this year to check in and give a report to my monitor to be told that because alcohol wasn't included in my drug screens they weren't gonna accept them. I have started over, and now alcohol is included in my drug screens, which I had to anyway because I started NA so late in the year of '09, so it was ok. I spoke with a lawyer with Louis and he told me since I surrendered there was really nothing they could do, at this point just do what is required, there was nothing to fight because of the surrender. I know that each case is on an individual basis, but I just worry about the 12 month verifiable sobriety and if I'm on the right track or if she will come up with something else when I petition in Jan '11. Your right the feelings of failure rule my life no matter what text I read or what my shrink says and its hard for me to accept that I had an illness when it came to drugs. I chose to take them, and I haven't touched narcs since I received that letter, the party came to an end. I haven't even wanted to take any even when my shrink tries to give them to me for anxiety. I tell my sponsor that this is like that one spanking you got when you were a kid and it was the one that you will never forget, and it makes you think everyday!! I was 26 when I started doing my misdeeds and I'm 33 now, I'm grown and not selfish, and my priorities are in order. I want to show my children and husband so much more. I pray and hope that I will be able to nurse again, but if not I know that God will provide a way for my family and me. I won't give up until the fat lady sings

Thanks again for posting, and good luck on your journey.
Nikalea

[ltml82]

I hadn't been doing the random drug tests from the time I was dropped from TPAPN until my hearing, as I didn't know I was supposed to, and had pretty much decided to just surrender my license. I had been going to meetings, but didn't have a written record. I guess I just presented myself well at the hearing, and had a good recommendation from my LCDC, in addition to the support of Louis. I really don't have any suggestions other than what you're already doing.

As for the feeling of failure, in my case anyway, it got much better with time. In addition to 12-step meetings, I did a lot of work on myself, listening to and reading books on shame, self esteem, and especially on boundaries and limit-setting. I found "Overcoming Anxiety and Depression," a set of CDs and DVDs, to be especially helpful; also "How to Speak Up, Set Limits and Say No" by Maria Arapakis (audio book from CareerTrack). I take an antidepressant which works very well, but no longer use or need meds for anxiety. I'm not a fan of benzos. Turns out that all the years I'd been on them they just masked the problem, and it wasn't until I learned to face my fears and deal with them that I got true relief. Ironically, I seldom feel anxious anymore, now that I don't take anxiolytics. I'm a psych nurse, and I see so many patients who become dependent on meds for relief, rather than learning effective coping skills. And the more benzos they take, the more they need. Don't get me wrong, I think they're appropriate for very SHORT-TERM use, in crisis, but I seldom see them used that way. Anyway, that's my 2 cents, for what its worth! :nurse-soapbox:

I hope you can find something helpful in this post, and hang in there--as Stuart Smalley said "You're good enough, you're smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like you!" (If you've never seen Stuart Saves His Family, you really should.)

:nurse-smiley:

Leslie