http://www.nursinghumor.com/labor
Q: I'm modest. Once I start to deliver, who will see me in that delicate
position ?
A: Authorized hospital personnel only -- doctors, nurses, orderlies,
photographers, florists, cleaning crews, journalists, etc.
Q: What does it mean when the baby's head is crowning ?
A: It means you feel as thought not only a crown but the entire throne
is trying to make it's way out of you
Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth ?
A: Yes, pregnancy
Q: Does labor cause hemorrhoids ?
A: Labor causes anything you want to blame it for
Q: When should a baby not be circumcised ?
A: When it's a girl.
Q: Where is the best place to store breast milk ?
A: In your breasts
Q: Is there a safe alternative to breast pumps ?
A: Yes, baby lips
Q: What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth ?
A: It means that the baby's mother may want to rethink her plans to
nurse
Q: What is the best time to wean the baby from nursing ?
A: When you see teeth marks
Q: What is the grasp reflex ?
A: The reaction of new father's when he sees new mother's breasts
Q: Can a mother get pregnant while nursing ?
A: Yes, but it's much easier if she removes the baby from her breast and
puts him to sleep first
Q: What happens to disposable diapers after they're thrown away ?
A: They are stored in a silo in the Midwest, in case of global chemical
warfare
Q: Do I have to have a baby shower ?
A: Not if your change the baby's diaper very quickly
Q: What is colic ?
A: A reminder for new parents to use birth control
Q: What are night terrors ?
A: Frightening episodes in which the new mother dreams she's pregnant
again
Q: Will I love my dog less when the baby is born ?
A. No, but your husband will most likely get on your nerves
Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to act normal ?
A: Possibly when the kids are in college
******************************************************
Andrew Lopez, RN
http://www.nursinghumor.com
Q: I'm modest. Once I start to deliver, who will see me in that delicate
position ?
A: Authorized hospital personnel only -- doctors, nurses, orderlies,
photographers, florists, cleaning crews, journalists, etc.
Q: What does it mean when the baby's head is crowning ?
A: It means you feel as thought not only a crown but the entire throne
is trying to make it's way out of you
Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth ?
A: Yes, pregnancy
Q: Does labor cause hemorrhoids ?
A: Labor causes anything you want to blame it for
Q: When should a baby not be circumcised ?
A: When it's a girl.
Q: Where is the best place to store breast milk ?
A: In your breasts
Q: Is there a safe alternative to breast pumps ?
A: Yes, baby lips
Q: What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth ?
A: It means that the baby's mother may want to rethink her plans to
nurse
Q: What is the best time to wean the baby from nursing ?
A: When you see teeth marks
Q: What is the grasp reflex ?
A: The reaction of new father's when he sees new mother's breasts
Q: Can a mother get pregnant while nursing ?
A: Yes, but it's much easier if she removes the baby from her breast and
puts him to sleep first
Q: What happens to disposable diapers after they're thrown away ?
A: They are stored in a silo in the Midwest, in case of global chemical
warfare
Q: Do I have to have a baby shower ?
A: Not if your change the baby's diaper very quickly
Q: What is colic ?
A: A reminder for new parents to use birth control
Q: What are night terrors ?
A: Frightening episodes in which the new mother dreams she's pregnant
again
Q: Will I love my dog less when the baby is born ?
A. No, but your husband will most likely get on your nerves
Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to act normal ?
A: Possibly when the kids are in college
******************************************************
Andrew Lopez, RN
http://www.nursinghumor.com