I just started in a Nursing program, and WOW am I having some mental issues. I'm the only male in a class of 24, I'm also one of the oldest in the class (42), and my background is in male dominated businesses (trucking and construction). For decades I've been in a situation where showing compassion or care is the equivalent of showing weakness (something you must never do in these fields). And now, as if overnight, I must freely show the care I feel inside. This is very difficult for me and I'm having a tough time with feelings of exposure.
I don't know if I'm going to make it. I feel like an outsider, and I feel as if the women in the class are avoiding me. I have been relegated to last one up in the lab exercises, and none of the women seem to be willing to partner with me. I certainly won't be able to make it through the course alone, yet I'm uncomfortable approaching any of the women to work with me. There's been an exchange of phone #'s and email addresses amongst the women students, but I wasn't included. Are they sending me a signal, or are they just as uncomfortable as me?
I have worked hard through the prerequisite courses, which were populated mostly by women, and never had feelings like this. I maintain a 3.6 GPA (so I'm certainly capable), and have been happily married for 16 years (I'm no pervert). I am a big guy, 6'3" and 205 Lbs, with an athletic build, so I'm aware that my size can be a bit imposing.
So many things seem to be coming together in my mind/heart all at the same time. Masculinity, gender roles, studying, performance anxiety, discrimination, financial burdens, etc.
I wish I could better convey the swirl of emotions, fears, hopes, and anxieties I'm feeling. I'm hoping there are other guys (or women) out there who may be able to relate, and perhaps help me sort through all of this and be successful.
Should I approach the women and explain my feelings, or keep my mouth shut? I was thinking that I would keep my head down, my mouth shut, my ears open, and prove myself by doing really well on the first exam. The only problem is that the exam is not for a while, and there are lab exercises to get through first. Body mechanics and bed positioning was excruciatingly uncomfortable. Bed baths loom on the horizon.
This career change was supposed to be a positive thing for me, but now that I'm at the threshold I just don't know.
man, I can't believe they would not include you. That is messed up. If it was me (everyone is different of course). I would say how I feel to the whole class and let them know that it is pretty crappy of them to act that way.
Please don't give up man. This should just motivate you even more to make it through.
I just finished school, and was also the only male in the class. There were some disadvantages to it, but it also had it's advantages.
I don't know what to tell you as I don't really know anything about you or the program you're in. All I can say is that you shouldn't let 23 women who don't seem to have concern for you make a life altering decision for you.
When you get to working, you won't have this problem. Their will always be gossip and all that junk, but that's everywhere.
Don't give up yet man. IF I CAN DO IT, YOU CAN DO IT!
This has been an interesting week. I thought I would speak with the program counselor about my feelings and the situation as it stands. She expressed her dissatisfaction about the situation, and promised she would help. One of my biggest concerns was that I didn't want to create an adversarial climate. It wouldn't do me any good to be in the program if was going to be nothing but misery. I can't force someone to "be nice." She seemed to understand.
As it turns out, the instructor is new and has virtually no teaching experience. She was not prepared for the challenges of a coed environment. Way back when she went through school, there were no men involved. She was apologetic, and said she would do what she could to encourage fair participation. We agreed that while she can't force the women in the class to interact with me outside of the classroom, she could/would take steps to encourage them to include me whenever possible. As a result, lab partners are now assigned, and I've worked with three different women so far. It's a bit uncomfortable for both me and the women, but I don't think there's any resentment.
I've done my part too. I have arrived at the last minute prior to class starts (my wife's suggestion) and sit right in the middle of the group. Conversations, info checking, etc. either include me or they don't happen at all. I'm just too damn big to ignore. It's a delicate process but I think I must assert myself to break barriers.
I feel that some of the women are simply uncomfortable with me, while others are just plain ignorant. My own comfort level is improving too. I'm not going to focus on the negative and I'm sure in the hell not going to go away. My original post was premature, and written before I'd had a chance to sort out my feelings. I have resolved myself to forge ahead no matter what!
My gut tells me that over time the situation will get better and I'll make a place for myself in the class. Like any other classroom environment, some of us will conect and some of us won't. Hopefully it will happen sooner than later— it can't be forced.
Thanks for the supportive posts and fighting words of encouragement. I was unsettled for a bit, but you guys pushed me in the right direction (or at least gave me the boost to sum up the fight in myself). I'll be posting another update in the future.
I was a little distressed reading your post. If you haven't found out already, women do not play nice. Soo, kill them with kindness. One thing that I thought of is that if you are feeling so exposed already, maybe your not representing yourself extrovertly. If you come across as somewhat standoffish because of their attitude or your insecurity w/ having to move into a new role as a man, then the more these women may avoid you ( as scewed up as this is!). I happen to find men in the nursing profession refreshing.
As far as feeling exposed, you can show caring and empathy in many ways. One of the best is through humor if the situation dictates. Also, my husband and I like to think of our patients as this is someones mother,brother,father,sister,grandmother ect. When you think of it in those terms it makes it easier. Treat these people the way you would treat your own family. Often times people just want you to listen, other times they love to hear you talk about you and your family. The difficult situations such as death,dying and ethics everyone male or female have a difficult time dealing with. You will find your way through. Often times I walk away after talking to family's muttering to myself "This sucks."
As far as bed baths go...you get used to it. Here is a story for you. When I was in my first rotation as a student, my patient was an elderly gentleman who was very contractured and couldn't talk related to a stroke. I was giving him a bed bath and I was washing his private area and the man became erect. I then became a mortified 22year old girl. Meanwhile he is lying there smiling at me. I promptly covered him up and excused myself for a minute to walk outside the room because I had no clue what else to do. Overtime this story has made me laugh.
Please give yourself time. Things will get better and worse. Nursing school was the most stressful time of my life. However, I have never regreted it and I hope that you won't either. Have heart. YOU WILL DO GREAT!!!!
Hi All!!
I too have changed careers late in life. I am 42 and received my RN 4 years ago. I have a double whammy going...I am also a paramedic. The "old time" nurses frown on male nurses and hate EMS providers. I have overcome that stigma by being the best I can be at what I do.
Be prepared for the inevitable comments (usually from elders), "are you the doctor?" "No ma'am, I'm the nurse." "Are you gay?" and that deserves the response "My wife and son don't think so!"
By becoming a nurse, it has opened my eyes to what females in a profession dominated by males go through. We can stand on our merits and skills, but still we're "male nurses" not just "nurses".
Keep up the good work. Don't be discouraged by ignorance...that's everywhere. Questioning your feeling now is a good thing...makes you a better nurse later.
Kedesto, I have read your post several times now and thought I may help with a reply, but alas I am a female and an old one to boot. Today I have thrown caution to the wind and desided to throw in my two cents. When I started nursing school, my husband felt very threatened. He left me for awhile. But we have been together for about 15 years since then. He felt like he knew how to handle the situations of our life at that time but if I got a degree I would not need him any more. It turned out after some research that the divorce rate of the women who went back to school after many years was indeed very high. I believe often older women go back to school when they are already thinking of a divorce in the first place. It was a very hard adjustment on my sons and my husband when I went back to school. They may be afraid too, of all the changes already going on. After time several of the girls and a few of the guys were coming over frequently to study together, and my husband was making pop corn and keeping everyone cars going. I think several of us would not be nurses today if my poor insecure husband at the time had thrown in the towel. Hang in there. School as and adult is a very big deal. It will change your lives, It can make your lives much better after you adjust to all the changes. Good luck.. Judyd
I've been a nurse since 1986. I've been a male since birth. I went into nursing after another career and did so when I was 30. I have a bachelor's degree as well as a master's degree but they are in education, not nursing.
You will find nursing as a general rule are quite inbreed and a closed lot. It was amazing to me, and continues to be amazing to me, that somehow since my masters is not in nursing, I am lacking something critical in my education. It is as if only a masters in nursing counts.
Get used to being an outsider for now. But as you get more experience you can find, almost create if you will, your own niche. DO NOT be a nurse for anyone or any other reason then yourself. If you are expecting to get back warm and fuzzies from your co-workers or even patients, you have some wrong reasons and are heading for some great dissappointments. Do what you do for yourself. Nursing is a great job. It provides a lot of flexibility, security and a livable income. It is a lousy career. Drop the "career" kind of expectations and you'll be happier sooner and for longer.
Think about nursing and your RN as a very marketable skill. Market yourself and look for the endless job situations available to you in order to find the job situation that works for YOU. An RN is a lever. Use it to leverage the work place and your job situation to your benefit. Forget about fitting in, being a part, of the group. In general, and I know how it sounds believe me, women in nursing are a closed bunch and you will always be an outsider. And be careful about any critical talk. It is not "heard" as being concerned for your profession.
Get your schooling done. Get some experience. Find your own niche.
If you can't seperate yourself from you job, I can confidently tell you, get out now before you get too much invested into being and RN.
I am currently doing disabled children through a State program and have incredible flexibility, work with families, am out of and will be staying out of hospitals. It is multifacted and I provide a very needy service for families and disabled children. Pay is okay but not cutting edge if you will. But it is a great place for me and I am able to participate in my daughter's lifes, both in high school, have time for my wife, did lunch with her yesterday, and have time for my own life. I don't need to and I don't care what some group of female nurses think of me or my being in "their" world.
I know it seems harsh, but I'm just telling you as it is as I've seen it for over a 15 years now. Women nurses say then want men in nursing but in fact they conduct themselves just the opposite.
The good news is there are soooooo many places/settings to work with an RN you do not need to play their games to "fit in". Give it up. Be yourself and stop trying to earn anyone's friendship and acceptance. If you have to earn it, is it really the kind of acceptance and friendship that meets you needs anyway?
Study, do your best, lay low, hang in there until you can write your own ticket. Otherwise I strongly advise you to bail and look into being a physician assitant.
I can tell that you have what it takes. It is rather obvious from your posts that you are intelligent, well-spoken, caring, responsible, organized, and sensitive. ALL of which are desired qualities in a nurse. Don't bother with the negativity that surrounds you because it will only bring you down. You are doing a wonderful thing and I hope that you don't let it go because of a group of classmates who are too afraid to look outside the box and welcome adversity.
What was it that attracted you to nursing in the first place? Maybe if you can figure out what got you into this, you might just find the reason to keep going, no matter what. I was lucky. My first year in nursing school was great! 25% of my class were males, and our input was welcomed by the instructors and our female colleagues. I'm sorry that you don't have that fortune. Never the less, if you got into nursing because you care about people and want to learn how to care for them as a professional, then you have a reason to stay in nursing. So what do you think? Why did you get into nursing?
Kedosto,
Although a female myself, I felt the need to reply to your posting. I've been a nurse for 27 years...specilize in critical care and have seen just about everything there is to see.
One of the major problems I've always felt was wrong with nursing is that the profession, (you hit the nail on the head), is mostly women...now don't get me wrong...I'm not a lesbian or dyke....I just know people. Men learn to be team players, "play well with others" etc. Females don't generally learn these skills. Please don't give up on the profession. There are so many good things about nursing. But you will have to learn to deal with this. I think that's why most males tend to gravitate toward ER critical care or advanced degrees....giving them the autonomy they need. Personally, I'm hoping the more men we draw to nursing, the better we will become.
Society in general has made "us" (people in general) the way "we" are...Nurses USED to be ONLY women and Dr's were ONLY men, but that's not the case anymore. I am in school for my RN now, after being an LPN over 11 years. I have seen more men going into nursing than ever before, and I'm sure they have a harder time getting thru it (in alot of cases). Unfortunately, cliques can be formed and some people are too involved in their cliques to give anybody else a chance right away. I think one thing that helped in the beginning of the nursing program was the instructor letting the students have a chance at the beginning of class to introduce themselves and give a brief history of family, jobs, etc. This kind of tends to break the ice and might help in your situation. I think if this can be done, opening up and letting your classmates know how awkward you feel/felt in what used to be an "all women's world", this might help the closed minded ones know that you do have feelings even though you might be an alien from a different planet!! JUST KIDDING!!!
Keep pluggin' along and get thru it!! It'll be worth it once your done and out on you're own!!
I entered an R.N. program in 1985 after a 15 year career as a carpenter. Six other men started with me and by the third semester I was the only male left. I was determined to perservere and now am in my sixteenth year of an awesome career. Sexism not confined to men. It sounds as if you are feeling, first hand, the basic lack of understanding that exists between men and women in our society, at large. If you are sincere about becoming a nurse remember that the goal is to care for others. Are you going to let anything get in your way? I would encourage you to keep your eyes on the prize and not take what seems like rejection personally. Your fellow students are feeling at least as confused and vulnerable as you. Having survived that experience I learned to operate more self-sufficiently than I ever thought I could. You will need this self-suffiency to withstand the real unfair experiences you will encounter in your working life as a nurse and to maintain the discipline you will need to provide a professional level of care. Women have taught me valuable lessons in feeling and expressing compassion for others and my life is better for it. If you listen carefully you can learn them, too. Good Luck.
Hi-Im trying to make a decision. I worked in medical field
24 years - Front/Back Office & Management...as well as for Hospital Adm Offices. I "dream" to become a technically staff member. I am thinking about becoming a CMA or an LPN. I like the CMA duties (as Ive done them for years in the private office, but am discouraged when I hear the rate of pay being $12/hrly to start (if THAT!?) in New Jersey. Is anyone out there a CMA in New Jersey? And, will a prospective employer consider my background and the fact that I've worked 24 years doing vitals, ekgs, suture assistance, phys therapy, etc...Thank you. Leigh
Hi,
I became an RN in 1988, I learned very quickly that women do not think like men. They are not team oriented and truthfully just a hell of lot more vindictive than men are. The only way to become popular and get ahead is A. Be more successful that your classmates. B. Make friends with one female classmate. If your smart and have one female friend in the class, you will draw them to you. This helps in many ways IE: study groups and new aquaintances (women tend not to make friends)
Good Luck
Alright, I'll give it to you, women do not think like men. I don't think anyone argues that, but I don't think that I've ever been an object of anyone's vindictiveness, and I think I'm pretty popular without being a straight A student. I think that giving people respect earns you respect. Admittedly I initially found the 95% female dynamic to be difficult to begin with. I think that the more friends I've made the more acceptred I've felt. I'm now the only guy in my rotation, and I feel the love. Monday was our last day, and I got about a million hugs, and then we all went out for drinks and appetizers. It was great!
Leigh, I think that your experience would be invaluable to the nursing profession, that you would make a lot more money, and that if you pose your resumee correctly, so as to bring to light your experience, any employer would appreciate what you have to offer. Nursing school can be rough -for females as well as males, but I think it's been 100% worth it. Good luck!
Leigh,
I think you would do better to become an LPN rather than a CMA or CNA because your talents & skills would be put to better use in that manner. If you become a CMA or CNA you will mainly spend your shifts bathing patients and getting vital signs as well as changing beds and other routine tasks.
As an LPN you would be far more able to utilize the skills you have already as well as apply the new training you receive during your education. Once you graduate do what Generation2 suggested and be sure to highlight your experiences in your job application and you may be able to get a position in an ER where your experiences assisting with suturing could come in handy more than on a floor.
Greg & Generation a question for you both- what are your short and long range goals for your nursing career?
I have often found more male nurses planning to leave hands on nursing for administration as quickly as possible than found those wanting to spend a career in patient care so I'm wondering how you two think about the subject? Best wishes to you both btw-
Hey Medi,
I'm not exactly sure to be very honest with you, but you're right, my ultimate goal is not to be a floor nurse in a hospital. I'm not sure what I'll do, but I'm applying to a couple BSN programs for next year, and when I get a little further, I'd like to pursue a master's. I think eventually I'd love to teach, but I'm not saying too many things out loud, for fear that people will hold me to them My dad's been an administrator, actually DON of a major hospital in our area. He's an RN, BSN, MBA. That dude's been through more school than I care to think about. Hope that helps.
-Nathan
You'd have to ask him, I'm nowhere near that! Did I mention his BS in Biology? The guy's a walking encyclopedia. Good man to have on your team for Trivial Pursuit.
Your dad's pretty impressive Nathan, and just think.. he became an RN way back when a straight guy in nursing school was really rare! You have to really give him a lot of credit for that and he inspired you to go into the career too. That's way cool!
Your thoughts about future plans all sound good. One of the best things about nursing is how many opportunities and career paths exist within the field once you're an RN. Did you know you can even get a degree in Healthcare Administration online now?? That's really special because that's a way to pursue that path while not sacrificing work time.
I was getting a degree in Health Services Administration right after I got my BSN but had to stop because I would have had to do an internship semester & couldn't afford to quit my hospital job (or take a 4 month unpaid leave) to do that so I never finished that one. Your options these days are way better than mine were back then! Isn't it great?
Feeling like you don't belong or you're on the outside looking in is painful and awkward at any age. New experiences, like applying a skill for the first time (inserting ng tube, starting an IV, inserting an indwelling urinary catheter) happens throughout one's nursing career. The key to success is to not listen to the inner voices shouting your stupidity. Rather put on a smile of self assurance and do what you've been taught. Everything is awkward until experience sets in and it feels natural. When a patient asks "Have you done this before?" You can banter back "You're my first today!" It may be true but you don't have to share your heart palpitations and sweaty palms. My dad used to say "Its better to remain silent and thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt!" The cool thing for the older (new) nurse is there is the seasoning of life's experiences that brings wisdom and inspires respect.
I have been a nurse since 1974. 30 years next August. I've been a GI lab nurse at a Kaiser Permanente Hospital since 1979. It is so great to get away from bedside nursing where the acuity is so high and you're never accomplishing all you'd like to do with each patient (education, family contact, a good bath with hair wash and complete body rub!). Now I accomplish all that is required of me each shift. Its fun to have a skill unique in nursing. But with all that I enrolled Fall 2001 in my first MSN course with plans to teach ADNs. I'm doing it all on line. All the interaction with class mates/teachers has been on line. And the adjustment has stressed me to the point I became unglued. Forgetful, tearful, anxious. Maybe this is the destiny of everyone who chooses to go to nursing school. The pressure is really great. I remember being in my senior year at age 21 and threatening to switch majors. I figured Psych. was common sense and I could do that a whole lot easier than my nursing curriculum. It is really tough. Now I'm finding out there are THEORIES of nursing (we didn't have that in the '70's!) and RESEARCH UTILIZATION. I'm sorry. I started to try to encourage now I'm sounding like a real whiner. Oh well I believe the stuff of life happens to us for a reason and I plan to be stronger for it.
By the way I happened on this site because it was required of me in the class I'm taking this semester. I'm glad I did. As a future teacher your insights and shared struggles are so meaningful to me. I shed a few tears as I read your "tough time" musings. I wish you well. I know you will empathize with other newcomers in a way not understood by many.
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I just started in a Nursing program, and WOW am I having some mental issues. I feel like an outsider, and I feel as if the women in the class are avoiding me. I have been relegated to last one up in the lab exercises, and none of the women seem to be willing to partner with me. I have worked hard through the prerequisite courses, which were populated mostly by women, and never had feelings like this. I maintain a 3.6 GPA .
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I am just finishing my prereqs now, and I am one of very few males in the nursing program. What is the difference between nursing school, and in doing the prereqs?
I havent experienced any sex discrimination yet, in fact, the female nursing students in all my classes have been very helpful and invited me to join their study groups. I usually get all A's, and although occasionally a female gets a higher grade(higher A) than me, no male has beat me yet. (I do tend to gravitate to be with the A female students.)
Am I going to see a change when I enter in nursing school itself(same school, same students, but different teacher though)? why would my fellow female students treat me differently in nursing school if they welcomed me in the prereq classes?
I just found this site and read this post and I felt compelled to respond.
I am a guy and have been a RN for 11 years. (Whew, I cannot believe that it was that long) At any rate, when I read this post it jogged some memories that I wanted to share. I actually can remember making a conscious decision to change my major to Nursing from Accounting! (Long story)I can vividly remember feeling somewhat like an "outsider" even though there were quite a few guys in my class. I also remember feeling that many of my female colleagues were somewhat "standoffish" and believe me; I was not welcomed with open arms. I completely agree with a previous poster regarding making friends with a more "popular" member of the class and the others will follow. Way back when, I was a fitness buff and I went to gym prior to coming to class. Ironically enough, one of my classmates was an aerobics instructor at my gym. Talk about instant bonding. Long story short, we became closer and as she was such a popular classmate and later became class president, the others followed. Soon, I was the most popular guy in the class. Trust me on this one. Make friends with one of the stronger female personalities--keep your eyes and ears open and you will soon figure out who your female colleagues gravitate to. I know this sounds so high school, but it's true. Further, I have also utilized this tactic as my career has progressed.
Hang in there, you will be fine. Besides, we need more guys in Nursing.
hey, my name is tom I was a carpenter,(high rise form setter), I was injured and subsequently went to nursing schooland graduated in 92. My general opinion in my school was a transition of nursing attitudes. 1. The older female nurses were a bit bitter but not all. The younger nurses were more receptive but not all. I realized that i was not tramping into the turf of a female dominated field yet a field dominated by women and the attitudes women had about prior relationships with males. I find the work emotionally draining but generally easy and time consuming. i felt swords and knifes in my aback from the jealousy others have for men. I find that people in general if not well adjusted will find a way to bring you down if you perform at a higher level than you. Instead of rambling the point in hand is not to be so submissive in school or work, nursing is not a submissive role. Be aggressive with tact you have much to offer at your age( I graduated wheen i was 32 am now 43) and roll with the punches. The most important thing is to go where your needed the most and where you feel the most comfortable. That is what I found to be a diving rod for my career path!
Kedosto,
I agree with mercynurse. Being female also, and in this racket for a few years (like 20) I must say that for the most part I prefer to work with male nurses. Your much less 'catty' then your female counterparts. That said, I know that I'll probably get some flack. I agree with your wife's suggestions, stay in the middle of things!! You've got alot going for you, you are willing to make it to the end. I was one of the 'older' students when I got into nursing, had similar responses. Hang in there and the best of luck, AND, I hope that some day I have the privilage of working with you!
I switched to nursing after working in business in mainly assistive roles (started as a secretary and moved up). Lord have mercy!!! I don't want to live without women, but sometimes I wish I could. (Oh yea...I am one of those gay nurses...I can live without them....hahaha)
Anyway, just be yourself and continue to go for it.
I have to tell you I'm a female in nursing and I've always said we are our own worse enemies! Sometimes women really suck (no pun intended) and I'm one of them
Hi Kedesto,
I've been an RN for almost two years and I love it. Nursing school, however, was the WORST! Just remember: Short term suffering, long term gain. YOU CAN MAKE IT!
Nursing school is so high stress for many students that noone is at their best. Of course there is no good excuse for rude behavior, but try to remember that your classmates are probably just too freaked to remember their manners. They'll get over it. Sounds like you are taking good steps to break the ice.
**As long as you graduate, pass the boards, and don't kill any patients, nothing that happens in school has any long term impact.**
In my class there is this guy who looks so familiar to me and I really wanted to approach him and try to figure out where I knew him from. I was afraid to though because I didn't want him to think I was hitting on him. The "Hey you look familiar line," is so played....LOL! So that has stopped me from saying anything to him the whole semester, not even hi, and I'm a pretty friendly person. Maybe some of the women feel that way or maybe some are married and know thier spouses do not approve of them having males friends, married or not. Who knows?? I do know that if I felt he was left out I would have definately spoek to him. But, he is doing better in the friends department than I am, so I know he'll be alright. Hope it gets better for you.
Oh boy! What am I in for?!? I am a 38 y/o guy who is switching from 14 year career in Information Technology and Business Management to begin a 3 year advanced studies Bachelor of Nursing Program (normally a 4 year program). It's intimidating enough to go back to school at my age without additional stressors like you mention.
I have always wanted to study Nursing but was discouraged earlier on because "men don't become nurses". Well after some recent lifechanges, I've decided to pursue my original career choice. I'm hoping the school I'm attending here in Canada will be a little less intimidating. If not, well if you can't beat em, join em. I'm sure I'll find a way to break the ice.
It is really cool to see all the encouraging remarks here.
My comment (as rude as it is)- who cares what your classmates think? I suppose we all seek support and approval- but if they are not capable of giving it- do what the above comments suggest, and pass- get out into the real world.
That said- getting along with classmates is good practice for getting along with coworkers- cause it will happen at work also. You will never be "sister" or really truely one of the gang, there will always be a small difference. But you can be an outstanding nurse regardless.
It continues to suprise me- Nursing emphasizes accepting the whole person in all realms of practice, but I guess thats reserved for patients- because racism (same trap- stereotyping based on race or gender- whats the difference?) and sexism in nursing mirror that of the rest of the society as a whole!! You'd think the very nature of Nursing would preclude this behavior- but it doesnt.
What helped me was picking 1-2 women that I could talk to- and bounced my feelings off of them. They were almost as suprised as I have been. I really think that a lot of prejudice is pure 100% ignorance- behaviors in my workplaces have not tended to be from meanness or spite (that does happen but rarely) but they just don't get it. They are chagrined when I tell them how what they just said or did makes me feel (parallels racism and sexism towards women). Now I feel free to educate women around me all the time- in a constructive way- to help them have a btter understanding of my experience.
I am a Lvn graduate, male, with a class of three guys and 21 females. You will make it. I noticed the women where very selfish and rely on you being a gentleman in order to get ahead in class. Don't fall for it. I was a trucker too. It isnt hard to learn to be compationate. Just treat your pt's like you would want your mother, children,or wife treated and you will be fine. Let me know how it goes. Ps don't let anyone keep you from having your time with your clinical instructors. Good luck
Hi, I hope you make it.Be aware that some females are just as bitchy to other females and it hurts to be on the outer at times. I also need help, lots of it so I hope you people can help me. I was having an assessment on medications and have to repeat it. The day I went in I thought I had studied hard enough to make sure I could demonstrate my competence. I went to pieces. For example there was a antibiotic that could have been given by a slow push,once made up with 10ml water which would have been far easier. I elected to dilute it further and use a burette, because I'd been practicing with burettes and ivacs etc. It all seemed to go wrong from then.I had a shocking time and wanted to just walk out then and there. I just made errors that I don't normally make on prac. I need to know that I can show the things I can do and know that the assessors consider me confident. Do any of you have any tips that they've used when having competencies tested?. It is a really stressful time and unfortunately you don't dwell on the things you did well just those that went badly. The trouble too, is sometimes you never know how severely the assessors mark you and they seem to have poker faces. Are there any strategies that you may have used to calm you down (I thought I was calm but after the first five minutes knew I was feeling the stress). I have to do this to finish my prac and any help will be a godsend. I know I can do it but can I do it in front of assessors..What methods have you used to get those nerves under control?
Let me weigh in on this one.... and first of all, let me say that I do not make one penny off the following comments. I have spoken with Dr. Judith Briles, and she is one of the leading authorities on the subject of conflict in the healthcare workplace. That being said...
These are the findings of one of Dr Briles surveys...
. Have you ever resigned from an organization or transferred to another department because of abusive behavior?-45 percent said yes.
. Was the behavior bullying, sabotage, harassment, other, or all of the above? The majority said all of the above (48 percent).
. Was the behavior generated from managers/
administrators, co-workers or both? Forty-seven percent said it was from managers/administrators; 17 percent {from co-workers and 31 percent {from both (5 percent didn't answer).
. Would you consider working for the organization again if the abusive parties were terminated? Fifty two percent said yes, and 48 percent said no.
. Of the 48 percent who said no, a variety of reasons were given. The majority (41 percent) reported that the problem was too invasive in the organization; 24 percent felt the problem was poor leadership and management couldn't manage; 22 percent said that it wasn't worth it; and the remainder was split between the erosion of their confidence, tarnishing their reputation and the damage of their credibility.
These responses are incredibly telling. First I reported that the nursing shortage is not a shortage because of lack of personnel-too many nurses choose not to work in nursing.
Second/ if the leadership of an organization would acknowledge that there is conflict and sabotage and bullying within their organization/they could work at resolving it. And third if they choose not to address it, deal with it and put an end to it.
Furthermore...
The ZAP Tip from Dr. Briles is...
The key factor to the nursing shortage is NOT that there aren't enough nurses. The key factor is that there is too much bullying, sabotage, undermining and conflict
in their workplaces. Until management, and nurses themselves, confront the abusive behavior and create a no tolerance zone, the shortage will only continue to increase. It's not the lack of nurses; it's the accepted and tolerated rotten behavior of co-workers, managers, and administrators. The health care toxic workplace must be changed.
When I was in my ADN program in the late 70's, there were 2 men in a large class -- it was tough for them, but they made it. Now that I am a BSN, MSN Nurse Practitioner, I find that many men are in nursing and doing well. I have even heard female nurses complain that the men always get the manager (educator, head nurse, etc) jobs. So persevere and you may find men very welcome in nursing. My male colleagues are great (I am now in my 60's and an NP) -- other options after you finish a BSN, include nurse anesthesia (lots of men), NP (also many men). So keep up the good work.
I'll second Tracy's comments. Judith sent me a copy of all her books and the are fantastic. She's a great person. We met her in OKC at a convention and had dinner and drinks with her and her husband. They are great people and she has a sure grasp on many of the problems facing nurses.
It sounds like some of you a mounting a military operation to gain acceptance. "find the most popular girl and make friends with her, the rest of the class will soon be your friend" Please listen to yourselves, you sound paranoid.
Kedesto
I wish I had been viewing this website 2 years ago, when I started my university access program. I had slightly different fears in that I was and still am socially inexperienced, and find it difficult to speak to and make friends with other males let alone that other unfathomable species "WOMEN" (by the way they come from venus) If I had been looking for at this site it would have reduced my fears and boosted my confidence by hearing I am not alone in my thinking. I am now a second year adult nursing student on a diploma program (I don't know what the equivalant is in america) and I am glad to say my need for knowledge has made me apear more extrovert in uni. I love discutions in class and i'm always asking questions in lectures, in fact some of the students moan and groan (sometimes tell me to shut up) when I do speak but it only makes me more determind to be more vocal (yes sometime I do it to wind up the moaners) I have found bitchyness mostly from the women in the group, but I think thats more to do with the women to men ratio. I don't know what it's like for you over there but in my class of 50 there are 5 men and we inter act fine. I'd say the biggest problem in your situation may be that because you are frightend of interacting with others you may your self apear standoffish, however there are always exeptions to these rules and there may be some who are vendctive, bitchy, resentful of your male presence, and unwilling to interact with your because of your size and sex, but as a previous poster said, who cares what they think it's there problem not yours, plus they like you will have to work with people:
you don't like/
do like/
fancy the pants off/
find physically repulsive, and thats just the patients.
So please remeber you are not alone in your feelings all us guys have felt like that, and I bet so have the girls.
So kedesto If you still read this site I hope your still studying because we can make it, so please post another message and tell us how you are doing.
I'd like to think that when I qualifie in september 2006 you will also be practicing in the U S of A.
PS to those who think women are a different species, you are wrong.
Look in your anatomy and physiology books and you will find that apart from genitaliar and distribution of hormones we are exactlly the same. We do the same things
Shop
Bitch
Gossip
Fart
complain about our weight
We just do it in a slightly different way
I am the only male in my class, too. The way I have overcome the fact that women can be threatened by my gender is 1.) DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY. And 2.) work hard to create your being an asset by always giving 100%.
Back in the day, nursing was quite the little sorority. Upon leaving college with an associate degree, I headed for the big city to launch my career. After knocking around for a year, I started asking myself "Is this it?" So I went back to school. This time to the big time University. I took all the classes that I neglected while I was persuing my nursing degree. While I was there, I joined a national fraternity. Want to know what I found out? Women in groups and Men in groups act exactly the same. The other important thing I found out was that they hated the opposite sex intruding upon their group. What was also interesting is that they did tolerate the "little sisters". Conversely, the sorority sisters did treat their "big brothers" pretty well. A hypothosis was formed. When my two semesters there ended, I went out and found a real (permanent-type) job. I decided to be the big brother type. Whatever the "sisters" asked of me I did gladly and with a big smile. I never favored one clique over the other. I treated all the "sisters" the same. I never gave them a reason to gang up on me. And never, I mean n-e-v-e-r did I try to be a member of the sorority. This is where a lot of guys foul up. Some guys demand to be a member of the sorority. Let me tell you, they don't want you. And if the truth be told, you really don't want to be in that postion. I mean really what guy wants to be a DG or a TriDelt? Well, maybe I few guys that I have met along the way. The most amazing thing happened though. After a couple of years I was just accepted as a member. No fanfare. . .no special ceremony, I was just "one of the girls".
