Welcome to all who suffer from an addiction of any kind. Whether it be alcohol, drugs, gambling...you name it. We here at the forum would like to tell you that you are not alone. We are here to help you by listening to your story, and share some of our own.
We are not addiction therapists'...we are just concerned friends. We cannot cure you, but we might be able to steer you in the right direction. You may not even be the one who is addicted...it may be a friend or loved one. Either way, we're here for you.
My name is Tracy and I'm a grateful and recovering alcoholic. I am the Founder and President of the NurseServer Network.
Tell me your story...I'll just bet it isn't too different from my own. I will be posting here often, and listening to all of your stories. If you wish not to post here, that is your business. If you would like to speak with me off line, I encourage you to join our forum and then you can send me a private message that no one else will see.
"No pain is greater than the knowledge that no one cares or understands..."
Glad to come across this post. I am an RN in florida and an addict. Don't know what u want to know about me and what happened to me so i will wait to see how in depth with specifics i can me. But would like to get in on some good discussion with others going thru recovery. let me know...dalma
Hello dalma, so glad to see you in our forum. I hope that your recovery is going well. It feels so good to be in out of the rain, doesn't it?
My own personal story includes dozens of failed attempts at sobriety, over a span of some 15 years or more. It's a wonder I'm still alive...and sane! I have now been clean and sober for 3 years, 5 months and a few days. AA helped to get me there.
I put my family through a lot of heartache. Even now, my wife of some 18 years holds a great deal of resentment towards me, and this, along with some other built up anger, has caused a recent seperation. We are back together, and in counsilling, but the tension remains, and the guilt is sometimes overwhelming.
Through it all, I had some amazing support from other nurses with whom I work, my wonderful children whos' ages are 23, 17, and 14, and also my involvement in the NurseServer Network, www.nurseserver.com , of which I own.
If you have some words of wisdom to share, or know of others who could use some comfort, I encourage you to come back to this forum often...If you use the 'steps' in your recovery process, then we can talk about that.
Thanks for posting...Thanks for listening...God bless you in your recovery.
My wife tells me I'm a different person when drunk, but I never remember...
Tracy,
You're the man! You know we're all here for you buddy! It's a long road ahead but hey man, you've got a Pike Pass! No need to slow down and look back, just keep on movin.
the honesty is incredible in a type of forum on and about things no one really wants to admit. I admire anyone when they admit they have an addiction. I, myself, and hooked on cigarettes .... I have no troubling addiction as yours, but I admire your courage and your step outward to help others. I will pray that your site, as well as this specific forum will do the good that is obviously intended from your heart.
Its so nice to see people speaking openly about their addictions and short commings. I ahve had a subtance problem for a number of years. Nursing has always been my first love and career choice. I manage to stay clean for periods of time even while nursing, After about 2 weeks or so I start to crave the drugs. As long as they are not around me Im fine. I have over a year clean now but I need to make a living. My problem is that I cant find a position that will allow mr to continue my choosen career and not put myself at risk for relapse. Im an LPN in MD....HELP
I surrendered my license Feb '02 for drug addition related incidences. I have been battling addiction since '99. I have gone through my states peer assistance program and relapsed 2 weeks before completing. I have been clean since Feb '02 (with the exception of meds for kidney stones). I have gone to AA and NA meetings off and on but have not had a long continuous attendance of meetings. I miss my nursing career. Nursing has been my childhood dream. My disease has taught me alot about myself. I always considered myself a loving and giving person. But in reality I have found out just how selfish I am. I have worked through alot in the last few years. If it had not been for this disease I do not think I would be the person I am today. Do not get me wrong. I hate this disease. But, I believe it has been a part of my journey through life. I have accepted it and am dealing with it. I would like to know if there is anyone out there that has surrendered a license and the steps to petition for relicensure?
Yes, this disease IS apart of our journey. I now have nearly 4 years sober, and have come full circle to where I truly belong in life.
I am now very much in charge of my life, and my destiny, as are you. Even though I am going through a divorce right now after 18 wonderful years with an even more wonderful woman, I can say that I am please with my life so far and wouldn't change a thing.
I know that in my heart, I will never drink again, and that I have something to offer to mankind, as do you, no matter how small it is.
Keep your chin up, and if I can find out about re-licensure, I'll let you know.
I am not an addict, but my daughter (age 22) is. Drugs and I mean any drug Rx'd, OTC anything! At times I hate my daughter because of all the mess she puts us through. We hae gone through the 28 days + with only a temporary recovery. She has a hard time with the 12 step program. See I am always making excuses for her! I think she will have to hit rock bottom before she does anything.
I am an alcoholic male nurse. I have been in and out of the program for 3 decades. I have been clean and sober for 8 months this time and I believe that this is the direction i've searched for. I honestly believe that without direction no one will succeed in finding recovery. I have been to treatment 4 times and always came out on the "pink cloud". I have worked the steps and yet managed to hold on to some of my "stinkin, thinkin". The opportunities available to me today allow me to let GO!!!! And pursue a real life, free of cravings and the constant turmoil that seemed to be part of my daily life. I'll quit jabbering and post this. I do want to say to any one that I may be able to help, do not hesitate, reach out. the disease kills and shows no favoratism. jim
Our facililty switched from AA to the Health Realization model for addictions treatment. We found that there was a significant population looking for an alternative to AA. Clients are not, however, asked to choose one over the other. During the last 8 years we have accumulated story after story of people gaining a awareness of the innate nature of health and using that insight to transform their lives from within. I have seen suffering replaced by well being time after time.
All of our clients receive a book titled ""The Serenity Principle" by Joseph Bailey. This book provides a wonderful introduction to what I am speaking of. It's not expensive and available through the big book chains. If you you are still struggling with addictive behaviors I encourage you to check it out. Feel free to contact me if you'd like more information. Best to you....
I have checked back here several times and am surprised that there are so few posts. Having worked in numerous hospitals and with so many nurses who suffer from alcoholism and addiction, it amazes me that there aren't daily posts. If it is a matter of being afraid or ashamed of your disease, don't be!!!!!
If any one is interested, I would like to discuss seeking help. I know from experience that this is one of the hardest things to face in life. The idea that there is something out there that I can't just roll right over.
Is this a subject that peeks an interest? jim
I think maybe you hit the nail right on the head... fear and shame.
I too check here daily, (duh... I'm a site owner and forum administrator...), maybe those of us who are not so afraid of facing this affliction should simply start telling a few of our horror stories.
I have thankfully found peace, and am not ashamed of my drinking past. Although it is still 'one day at a time', and lately my daily stressors seem to be an absolute bitch, the peace and mental clarity of sobriety makes me thank God for all that I have been blessed with. So many people are so less fortunate, and that is enough to make a man humble.
I surrendered my license in 1998. Thought it would be a good idea since I knew the Board would revoke it if I didn't . I wiped out the ER Demerol supply and the DEA was called in. I went to prison for 2 years. Best thing that ever happened to me. Spent 2 years alone with myself, scary thought at the time since I hated myself so much. Thirty days of treatment wasn't enough for me. Did it 3 times. I have been clean and sober for 5 1/2 years now. I got my license back Jan 2003. Life has never been so wonderful. The fog has lifted, I am at peace with myself. God is the only thing different in my life. I let him in and he did all the work. I just put one foot in front of the other following his lead. If I, the hopeless of the hopeless, can find hope anyone can. If my experience can help anyone I would love to help. God Bless, Jerrie
I commend you for getting clean and being able to come back to the profession. Did co workers treat you differently when you came back, or didn't they know? I myself am in recovery and also in nursing school. I have 3 more semesters until I'm eligible to take the NCLEX-RN boards. I love nursing school and nursing. Yes it can be stressful, but I still love it and want to be a nurse more than anything, my problem is, I havn't told anyone about my past and don't think I could, for fear that my fellow nursing students and professors would look down upon me or start watching my every move like I'm still on drugs or something. I am so afraid someone will find out who I used to be, which was a very heavily addicted opiate abuser. I have been clean now for over 2 years, but some times I think about what could happen to me if I ever messed up again. I don't have any thoughts or cravings now, nor have I in the last 2 years. I just get scared that if I am constantly handling drugs, opiates in particular, will I start craving them. Am I kidding myself thinking I can be a nurse? I sometimes feel so good about my choices and how well I am doing, and then times like these when I think, what are you trying to do to yourself? Am I setting myself up for failure? Please if you have any advice, I'd love to hear it.
Thanks Michelle
I am up front with my co-workers. Everyone I work with on my floor knows I diverted Demerol and was punished. I can't give narcs until Jan 2004 and the Nurses are supportive and never hesitate to give them for me. I was honest from the day I was hired. I asked to meet with the 3-11 shift and told them what I had done, where I had been and what I was trying to do today. This way they could ask me questions. If someone was going to judge me, they would judge me on the facts. Not rumors. I think if you are working an honest program and God is in the lead,it is a need to know basis. Does anyone need to know about your past right now?
Are you in a 12 step program? Sure can be a safety net. That is where I found the steps to live by and a God to lead me. I wish you well, Jerrie
Don't be so hard on yourself. I am experiencing the same. Do you know of any web sites that list names of nurses in recovery so that they are not employed? Please respond
Wow! Must have been hard. I go up for review in March, been clean for a year. What gets me is other nurses, so unempathetic, cold at times we be. Do you know of web sites where we are blcklisted from work, etc.?
I have had some nurses treat me as if I did something to them personally. I have to understand though. It is like I crossed a moral line. They are intitled to there opinion of me. What I did was wrong and not everyone is going to be accepting of that. I have never heard of a web site with names of nurses on a black list. There is a list of names the Board publishes with nurses that have suspended, revoked or license with stipulations. Jerrie
I am an RN in California. I am a IV drug user and now have almost 30 days clean. This is not my first time getting "clean." Before this relapse, I had over 2 years. My question is there anyone out there that has been through California's diversion program. I am meeting with the BRN for a settlement hearing in Feb. and would like to know if anyone has been through the program successfully.
Thanks
Hello Cheryl ~ I have successfully completed the California Diversion Program, so there IS hope! You mention a settlement hearing, I am not familiar with that. Is there an action pending against your license? I self-referred to the Diversion Program and did not have to attend any "hearings". The Diversion Program has what they call Diversion Evaluation Committee (DEC) meetings that a paricipant attends to discuss their progress in recovery. If you have the opportunity to enter diversion, rather than have action taken against your license, I would do it. It is not easy, but it is better than losing your license. The one complaint that I have about the California Diversion Program is that they do not give you the freedom to choose your own recovery method/program. They mandate 12-step programs, no alternatives. Although many people have found recovery using the 12 steps, it is not for everybody. I think that more nurses would successfully complete their diversion program if they were allowed the self-determination to choose the recovery method that suits them best. Anyway, I wish you the best. Congratulations on your 30 days!
Henny
Jerrie, I am glad things are going great for you. I am thinking that I want to try and get my license back. I need to know the steps to take. Any suggestions. I can't find any info on the net. Thanks for any advice. Della
Hi Everyone, I am new to this forum and am delighted to see some recovering folks here. I am an LPN, currently working in Florida. My husband is an LPN also. We met in the rooms and have been married for 15 years. I don't know what I would have done if I hadn't had the support of other nurses early on, and sometimes even now. Thanks for being here. Fran
Tracy, my heart and prayers are with you during this period of change in your life. I have worked beside you, and you are without a doubt one of the finest nurses that I have ever had the pleasure to work with. (I used to work Ortho at Baptist, just down the hall, and you have come to my rescue many times.) Hang in there. Be strong. You have what it takes make it.
I think you made an excellent choice in how to handle your situation.. I beleive when people have all the facts and can begin to understand they are more accepting of you.
You are on the high road to health and well being and should be very proud of your self.
I can't say it enough... I am truly in the company of Giants!
By the way... I've decided to add a section to the main NurseServer site that deals solely with addictions. The link will be located in the left hand menu... I'll announce new developments to all my brothers and sisters here at the forum.
Girl in California needs help!!! I'm not yet an RN but just passed nursing school and almost ready to send in my application to the BRN. I have been in recovery since '97' after being arrested for drug possesion. I went through a diversion program at that time and have been clean and sober ever since. I know this has to be reported to the BRN but am unsure of how much detail they need. I have to write a letter explaining what happened but could really use some help from someone who has done this before.
I have just finished reading all the posts in this thread, and I am so amazed at the level of support I see here! I am a recovering IVDA. Been clean for eight years now. Nursing was a midlife career for me. I was clean when I started nursing school, but I too was afraid to mention it to my classmates. I did tell one very good friend who was wonderfully supportive. I have been an RN now for almost a year. I work in the ED and handle narcs every day, and so far with God at my back, there has been no temptation to use. Some of my trusted colleagues know of my past, and not one of them has questioned my abilities. I have found that I can draw on those experiences that I have lived through when dealing with addicts that come in to the ED in distress and pain.
Hello to all.I am so glad to find others like me... I did not knowof this til today.I am an RN with 6 years clean in August..my liscense was suspended in Az and I am elegible to reapply in Aug 2004..I am scared to death as Az is very punitive,anyone else been through this? I am feeling like I am waiting for the other shoe to drop.If anyone has been through the reinsatement process I would love advice Thanks and God Bless
Tracy
I love it when you say "I'm truly in the company of Giants". I love the forum. I'm also in recovery. Have been clean and sober for two and a half years. My addiction was caught early Praise God. In 2002 my brother died in June and then in September my Dad died of a broken heart (in part from heart disease and my brother dying). I had broken my elbow slipping on glue (from a carpet layer putting new rug down in our hallway at work)just before my brother died. Those pills they gave me sure were nice, because they helped me cope with the deaths I didn't want to face. Needless to say it started affecting my job performance and one day the nurse manager came just before my shift was over and wanted a UA. Guess what? It was dirty.
So began my journey of recovery. Now I am trying to find a job and it has been hard. Please all keep me in your prayers..Where there is a will, there has got to be a WAY............
It is so refreshing to be among fellow addicts. I think this is the only place I have found that hits this issue head on. I'm glad that I have had to face this disease head on. I was confronted at work after my job performance went down, and UA'd. I know of nurse's (some I worked with) who are deep in their disease and don't want to admit it. All though I have had to face issues in my life that helped bring me down the road of addiction, I would not change one iota of my recovery.
It has instilled in me a compassion for other people that I don't think I was capable of before.
My addiction started in 2002 after my brother died in June (car accident), and then my Dad died in September. Possibly of a litteral broken heart (CHF, and my brothers death). I just didn't know how to personnely deal with death. Being a nurse I knew how to tell people the stages of grief but boy when it came to applying it to my self it was as if I had never heard of the stages of grief.
I love reading stories from other addicts it really gives me hope. I once felt like I was alone in my addiction.The guilt was overwhelming and the shame almost too much to bear.It is through people like us that the world will hopefully become more understanding of the disease of addiction and therefore will become more supportive. I have been clean for about a month now and I couldn't feel any better. I once felt like I "needed" pills to survive and now I don't know how I ever survived "with" them. Thank You for being so open and honest it really makes the light at the end of the tunnel so much brighter.
We all must face our demons at some point.... and it can be as painful as pulling teeth! But let me just share something with you.
Over the course of the past year, my life has been quite frankly, a great big bag of CRAP! By the grace of God, and a lot of help from my friends, my Church, and my network of support, I have survived! It can be done.
This disease sucks..I am an addict..newly diagnosed...In REtrospect I can say now that it has always been there simmering under the surface..But this summer personal issues built up and out it came. Diverted Narcotics (oral) from work. I have a lot of pain issues too which didn't help. I am now in recovery.. going through outpatient treatment. Our state has a Nurse Monitoring Program that works with you. It is 5 years long and it is confidential between you and them. any new employer obviously has to know. I lost my job with the organization I had spent 25 years with. I am going to an interview today that I believe will result in a job. I chose IV therapy.. No medication dispensing. No meds at all. And I like it. AS a former ER, ICU, ASU, MS and PACU nurse it seemed the best choice. I am glad this forum is here because it's hard to find people to understand and talk with. It is sooo humiliating. Mortifying. The caretaker can't take care of herself. Any way.. Have any of you had luck trying to find a program other then AA? I didn't care for it. I am going to try NA and see if that is better. There is also a group called "Women for Sobriety" that I am going to check out. Thanks for listening.
I got the job!!!!!!!!!! New boss is great..working with me. Keeping my problem confidential...so cool. No handling of meds..hallelujah...one thing I don't have to worry about. There is life after recovery...scary, but it is still there..
Hi Tracy! Thanks for the welcome. I was wondering if you had any tips on getting a job while in the diversion program. I do not have direct patient care privleges at this time, and I seem to run into a brick wall everytime I apply for a job. It seems when I mention "diversion" I suddenly find that I don't qualify for the position now or it is no longer available, ect. I'm on my way to the county offices after this to apply for food stamps and for anything else I qualify for. If I don't get a job quick, my family will lose this house we're renting and have to go to a homeless shelter. I know the powers that be don't care, as "I did this to myself". Please, Please give me some advice. I'm sinking fast!!!!
Tracy, Thank you for your welcome posting. I am new to this forum. I am RN and I am in recovery for alcoholism and addiction. I am not familiar with how this works(I just registered yesterday.) I am sober, but depressed and don't feel like talking to people that don't understand addiction and the toll it takes on nurses. The state board order is overwhelming and I am angry at myself for getting into this mess. I feel like giving up, but I have already put 19 months into complying. I am unemployed but will be seeking a job in the near future. Just knowing someone else has gone through this will help me, esp. if I can give and get feedback. I am from Oklahoma, and live in Texas. Thanks
God bless you all, and keep your head up. Please remember WHO your higher power IS!!!! You might want to add to your arsenal of programs, the "Celebrate Recovery" program which was started by the same guy who started the "Purpose Driven Life" movement... go to http://www.celebraterecovery.com ,
I had my Texas license revoked march of 2003 for drug diversion. I never admitted anything, but have since started dealing with my addiction. I am now ready to petition for licensure, and would like any info about my chances and what the board is looking for. I also would like to know what a non- licensed ADN does for a living, because washing clothes at the local dry cleaners ain't payin' the bills, and it ain't fun. hahaha. Any info would be greatly appreciated
RNBob wrote:Our facililty switched from AA to the Health Realization model for addictions treatment. We found that there was a significant population looking for an alternative to AA. Clients are not, however, asked to choose one over the other. During the last 8 years we have accumulated story after story of people gaining a awareness of the innate nature of health and using that insight to transform their lives from within. I have seen suffering replaced by well being time after time.
All of our clients receive a book titled ""The Serenity Principle" by Joseph Bailey. This book provides a wonderful introduction to what I am speaking of. It's not expensive and available through the big book chains. If you you are still struggling with addictive behaviors I encourage you to check it out. Feel free to contact me if you'd like more information. Best to you....
I hope all state boards will adopt to the fact that not all addicts (or have been addicted) will get better on just working the steps. It should be by choice. I personally find 12 steps generally helpful but certain things like powerlessness and eternal incurable disease concepts that I choose not to accept.
If a nurse was diverting narcotics and she turned herself into the diversion program voluntarily, and without being accused first, would criminal charges be pressed?
My husband is an RN and recently was discovered diverting medication. He is distraught and depressed beyond words. We live in Florida and i found the website giving information on the Florida IPN program. His meeting with admin was on Friday, where he denied the charges. They requested a drug test which he did not do. He came home instead and fell into a depression that has not lifted much today. Either he or I will be calling the IPN program on Monday. But i dont know what to do or what will happen from here. Does the hospital terminate you if you are in a recovery program. Do they turn you over to the authorities, the St of Fl BON or IPN or both. We are lost and scared and confused about recovery and the process. Any words or wisdom would help so much.
My heart goes out to you and your husband. I remember how lost, ashamed and hopeless I felt for weeks afterward. My experience is with CA, I don't know anything about the FL case. Your question, can charges be filed if in a recovery program? Yes, they can still press charges however the hospital may or may not do that. If charges are pressed, being in a recovery program may alleviate the sentencing, i.e. plea agreement.
Please help your husband get in touch with a therapist or recovery specialist or some professional help as soon as possible.
Forgive me; your question was about employment termination, not charges. Yes, the hospital certainly can and probably will terminate employment. In my case, I confessed when confronted with the allegation so they allowed me to resign rather than be fired. However, they made absolutely no effort to keep me employed there.
At the time I thought that was just the end; really it was only the beginning of a hard trying time. BUT, the rewards have been amazing, I am employed at a wonderful hospital and every day gets better.
The same will happen for your husband if he embraces recovery and really works at it!
We are concerned first about legal prosecution for his diversion and second for his ability to keep his nursing license. It seem s that his employer at this point has an option to turn him over to law enforcement, the Florida Board of Nursing the Intervetion program or a combination of the three. He is calling the intervention program first thing tomorrow morning to get that started. He is willing to be open and honest about his diversion and his pain medication addiction, and to do anything to keep his license. I guess my guestion is other than contacting the Intervetion program, what else should we be doing?
I am glad to hear that your husband plans on self reporting to the state diversion program. Not sure how FL works but in CA hospitals are required to report diversion to the state board of registered nursing. If your husband reports before that happens it may look better for him.
You ask what else you can do? I would recommend getting to a AA or NA meeting. Not only because it may help but because documentation of meeting attendance can prove helpful when his time comes to meet with diversion (he can get meeting cards signed by the meeting secretary).
Remember, diversion programs are VOLUNTARY. For me, it was a life saver, but I do know nurses who chose not to do it.
Also, the state diversion program (should he choose it) may require either intensive outpatient treatment or inpatient treatment. You may want to start looking into what options there are in your community.
Hang in there!
I dont know if this question can be answered or if only time will tell but here goes.... He was asked about numerous inconsistancies in signing out medication, he was not caught red handed, and at first meeting denied the allegation. In this case do hospitals normaly have the person charged with a crime or simply reported to the Board of Nursing for dicipline and fired from their position?
The hospital may or may not involve the authorities. That just depends on the institution. Some hospitals simply sever ties with the employee and that is the end of it as far as they are concerned. Some hospitals do report to the police.
In my case there were no charges filed. One of my friends from my nurse support group did have charges filed but the DA agreed to dropping them if she successfully completed the diversion program. My group facilitator, also a nurse who successfully completed diversion, did get charged and convicted; she served time on house arrest and has a felony. She just returned to patient care nursing after 7 years.
I wish I could definitely tell you something however at this point there are so many variables; largely on the part of the hospital (whether or not to press charges) and your husband (how he will proceed with his treatment).
You will both be in my thoughts; stick together and try (hard as it is) to be proactive and succumb to depression!
jewels123 wrote:We are concerned first about legal prosecution for his diversion and second for his ability to keep his nursing license. It seem s that his employer at this point has an option to turn him over to law enforcement, the Florida Board of Nursing the Intervetion program or a combination of the three. He is calling the intervention program first thing tomorrow morning to get that started. He is willing to be open and honest about his diversion and his pain medication addiction, and to do anything to keep his license. I guess my guestion is other than contacting the Intervetion program, what else should we be doing?
My experience when it comes to avoiding charges is that your husband should immediately get into a treatment program. The Board of nursing will make him do it anyway so might as well get started. In my case I signed myself into an outpatient program and the board did not require me to do inpatient unless I relapsed - which I have not done (30 months sober now and loving life) The diversion hoop jumping is a pain but being sober is worth it all. Good luck and I'll keep you in my prayers.
finally i am able to post. have been visiting this forum a while and was having problems registering. I too am in FL IPN and have been since completing outpataient tx. 8-06. I was disciplined by the BON and after appearing before them twice was finally reinstated. I was finally back to working in nursing for 2 weeks when my background check came back showing i had a warrant. i turned myself in and am going to court in 3 days. im scared to death. the offer is drug court and adjudication witheld. Alternative time in prison. (Att to obtain by fraud) Im scared to death. How will i ever manage 2 monitoring programs. Will I be able to go back to nursing before I complete drug court. I sometimes feel as if all this was for nothing. The hoops the hurdles the legal fees
Jewels, In my nurse support group which is required weekly by IPN no other nurse except me had been disciplined by the FL BON. Your husband should call IPN immediately. From there he will need to see an addictionologist which will most likely result in intensive outpatient Tx. approx 4 months. He will not be ble to work until tx complete and cleared by IPN. Narc restrictions for 1 year along with a comtract for 5 years. He will need to call for his color Sun - Thurs evening after 7 pm to see if he needs to drop the following day. Usually once monthly. As long as he is in IPN the BON will most likely not discipline his license. Even if they do he will get reinstated as long as he is IPN compliant. In my experience with the other nurses in my group the hospital will not press charges if he enters IPN. I hope everything works out for you both.
Thank you all for the information. It is wonderful to know that we are not alone. My husband contacted IPN yesterday and is in the process of awaiting the paperwork and contract by mail. He attended a meeting with his hospitals Employee Assistance Program this morning and advised them on his IPN participation. If he would have turned himself in prior to being caught diverting they have a policy of "suspending" his position instead of termination with IPN paticipation, but since he was caught first he was terminated today. They listed his termination as failure to submit to a drug test in a drug free working enviornment. They advised the BON would not be contacted due to his IPN Participation and was told that pending sucessful IPN completion that he can reapply 6 months post completion. We are unsure if the hospital will persue any legal action but we are hopeful with the tone of the meeting that they simply severed ties and allowed him to work towards recovery. This is the first I know of many steps and am hopeful for him and our future.
My husband attended his first meeting with an addictions councelor. We have no idea if they meet the criteria of INP but it was a good start to get him out of the house and speak to someone. I am just thankful beyond words of all that i have read on these posts and the words of hope that have kept me sane for the past few days. I have shared this site with my him tonight when we returned, and I hope that he posts his thoughts and shares his story and his path to recovery. I only wish i would have found this site months ago when i suspected. Thank you.
Congratulations to you and your husband on taking that initial step; talking to a professional. For me, the first 6 months to a year of my participation in the diversion program was the worst. However, things did improve for me and they continue to and I have every confidence it will for you too.
One bit of advice; hard as it is try not to let your husband sit at home and isolate. Get him out of bed, go for walks, go with him to AA meetings (does FL require that?). Staying at home, overeating, smoking, not getting dressed...I did all those things and it was the worst.
We are not sure what Florida IPN will include as part of his recovery contract but from the posts that I have read I assume the NA will be part of his requirment.
I have a question for anyone who might have some insight. I will make this as brief a history as possible. My husband was invovled in a motorcycle accident 3 years yesterday. He did not walk for a year. He briefly took pain medication 3 mo post his surgerys but ortho's took him off and he has been on Ultram for the remainder of the time. He has dealt with the pain by limiting much of his activities, over time the chronic pain took over much of his life. This by no way excuses his actions. He saw a pain management Dr for the first time 45 days ago. First they tried cortisone injections but then went to perscribing him Vicodin. One week into taking Vicodin was where his records at the hospial showed the beginnings of diversion. Quickly it escalated in the following 2 weeks.
This monday he has his follow up appointment with his Pain Mgmt Dr. My question is first, is it even possible to be on pain medication and in recovery. Second, I have suggested he tell his pain mgmt Dr. prior to being forced to by IPN. Not telling him would be a conflict of the Dr having all the informamtion to properly treat him.
I'm flying blind here. I know nothing of addiction or pain management or how the two intertwine or if they even should.
dear jewels. yes your husband will have to attend 3 NA/AA meetings per week (honor system) As far as being a member of NA they dont care what or how often he used. If he is taking rx as directed not considered relapse in NA.
The problem may be this. Your husband is allowed to take rx by IPN with valid rx. the prescribing MD must fill out a medication form given by IPN in his packet stating what the rx is & what its for. However, even with a valid rx it is a violation of the nurse proctice act to report to work while impaired. In other words he will not be allowed to take narcs on a regular basis. His urine must come back clean before he is allowed to return to work. Hoped this cleared some stuff up. Even nurses who are not in IPN who are taking pain meds with a valid rx and are reporting to work are violating the nurse practice act and if "caught" for lack of a better word will probably end up in IPN.
Jean1 response sounds a lot like the CA requirement as well. We are not allowed anything that could be mind altering; even Benadryl or Sudafed. However, with a Doctors prescription, people are allowed pain meds, i.e. Vicodin. In addition to sending diversion a copy of the prescription they also need to submit a plan for taking the medicine. Such as, allowing you to hold the medicine and give it as directed. Also, how will any unused medicine be destroyed? That is what they want to see.
I have had friends in diversion have to take Vicodin for pain. One of them they would not allow to return to work until she had two consecutive clean urines; the other person they didn't even test after she disclosed it to them.
Thank you both for the information. I feel like i have angels watching over me. I have also been going to councleing with the same addiction's thearipst that my husband is seeing. Mine is not for addiction, simply for counceling to help me understand and to help my family and him throught this. Thank you again so much.
Trust me...I have been no angel! I do wish I had known about this site when I was diverting and right after I was confronted with it. I can imagine how your husband must feel because I was there this time 3 years ago. I think it is so great that you are being supportive and trying to find out all you can; obviously you love him very much.
Please continue to reach out as you need it. Whatever your religous ovservance, I hope you have a happy Easter weekend.
hi! i have been clean for 3 years. i was using percocet after surgery and i started taking 2 q4, then 4 q2, then etc, up to 25- 30 a day. then it all came to an end where i diverted mso4 and valium, and tried to end my life. i was found in the parking lot at work, in respiratory arrest. i was taken into the er, and resusitated. they drug tested me, then found the vials in my jacket. when i came to, they confronted me, and the police were in the room. they said as long as i didn't leave the property on my own they would not press charges, but they weren't going to keep me there, because i humiliated the hospital. i turned in my license the next day. i was embarressed, scared, guilt ridden, the works. but hen i entered an intensive out-patient treatment program, and i went to AA meetings (NA meetings where i live only had 6 moths sobriety) and i slowly began to learn the 12 steps of recovery.
now, i am not the same person. i am happy, full of life, and have a desire to live life to the fullest. i have no desire to cover my emotions with pills of any kind. shoot, i won't even take a tylenol unless my head is pounding like a hammer. i just have learned that it's ok to "feel" feelings. that it is normal. i worked in a hospital ,a nd gave hundreds of narcs a week, and never had a desire to divert, which i am thankful to God for. now i switched jobs, and i work for a cardiology office, and i love it!! finding a job with restrictions is difficult at times, finding an understanding employer is hard at times. at the hospital, i felt like the people i worked with wanted me to bow down and worship them for allowing me to work there. it was talked about, ridiculed, and every time the narc count was off, fingers pointed to me, and i was drug tested, even if i was not at work that day. but now, i am not treated that way, and i am grateful for that. i have not had one positive drug screen in 3 years, and i have 1 more to go. to all, keep your head held high, for we can all get through this.... the point is "through" this, not dwell "in" this. may God bless you all!
robin
It's been two weeks tomorrow that my husband was caught diverting. As I leaned on this site heavily in the first few days, i wanted to post a follow up on where he is today.
Two weeks ago, we were both scared to death. Two weeks ago, my husband seemed suicidal. Two weeks later the sun still shines every morning and we are finding our way through this. He knows that the path wont be full of open doors but so far there have been many who have shown understanding, empathy and a plan towards his recovery.
His first week was meeting was with councleors who are helping him understand his addiction. He is attending both a private addiction thearipst, and enrolled in an insensive out patient treatment program. The next hurdle was last Monday when he went to speak with his pain management Doctor. He wasnt required yet to tell him about IPN, but knew that being honest up front was the right thing to do. He was scared to death that the Doctor would send him packing and refuse to treat him. Instead he listed with understanding and a together they came up with a treatment plan.
Yesterday was a birthday party and the first time he has been out with friends since this occured. We have great friends but not ones who wont eventually ask him "WTH were you thinking???" It wasnt discussed at the party, as it wasnt the place, but the looks and hugs of encouragement brought him to tears.
We are still waiting to hear from IPN on what his recovery process will be that they all requiring, but are in hopes that the decisions that have been made are the right ones to get started on the right path with or without direction on what will be required.
We dont know what restrictions will be in place on his career in the future but are planning on him being away from healthcare for a while. Two weeks ago I couldnt see a way this would have been an option, but he seems to be finding them day by day. This is such a new process it seems he walks around with blinders on just trying to make the right choice for now. I guess this is the start.
I am so glad you gave us a update! It sounds like you are doing everything you should be doing. I am so glad to hear you and your husband did something with your friends; they will be very important in the months to come.
Try not to get too caught up in "how long this will take". Believe me, that will drive you crazy! It takes as long as it takes but trust me; one year from now you will look back at this and your life will be truly amazing. 3 years ago I was where you are now. Today, I have been back to patient care nursing with no restrictions for one year and, literally today, I interviewed for a six figure income management position at my hospital. They interviewed me knowing I still have 9 months to go in diversion. I don't tell you this to be boastful only to let you know that once a recovery program is truly lived and embraced, nothing is impossible!
We received word today that IPN is requiring him to see one of 3 specialists in either Jacksonville, Gainsville or Tampa. Each of them requires a large fee (not covered by our insurance) for evaluation and even larger fees for treatment. Can they force him to seek a non-insurance covered provider for his treatment? or say he is non conliant w/IPN if we cant afford the treatment. We're keeping out head above water with him having no income, but we can only do so much.
dear jewels, sorry, it has to be an IPN addiction specialist. I went to jax for my evaluation and I also needed an MPI. If i remember correctly the evaluation and MPI test cost approx. $750.00. Not covered. Neither was my assessment for Serenity House or out patient tx. (1700.00). My monthly nurse support group is 50.00 monthly along with UDS at 39.00. Yes, it is very expensisve. I;ve maxed out my credit cards but have managed to stay afloat. At any cost your husband needs treatment. It will be worth every penny and might possibly save his life. I know it did mine. BTW I received a huge check from the IRS due to the large amount of medical I was able to claim. Hang in there. Everything will be alright.
Hi Jean. Thank you for the information. You have no idea how much hearing from someone in the same shoes makes us feel like this isn't such an alone thing. He made his appoinment with the Tampa Doctor for evaluation. We are hoping that they wont make him drive to Tampa every day for his outpateint treatment (if that is what they suggest). Again thank you and everyone for all your guidance.
Hi jewels, As addicts we tend to think we are unique, one of a kind and totally alone. In reality we are in the company of many. My experience is this, I went for my eval in jax. The addiction specialist then sent IPN his recommendations which for me was Intensive outpatient treatment. The treatment is not handled by the evaluator. I dont know where in FL you are but there are many facilities that offer treatment. IPN will give you several options and there will be at least one close to where you live. That I am pretty sure of. So try not to stress about the commute. There wont be much of one. Good luck. Everything will be alright.
I too am a nurse in Florida's IPN. From what I have seen in my Nurse Support Group, it is very much in the best interest of the nurse with chronic pain issues to see an addictionologist. I have several peers that relapsed in IPN, was found to have chronic pain issues (back pain, headaches, etc) and were both treated for these issues and are successful in their recovery.
All have said that they wished they were referred to the addictionologist the first time. The only reason they were not is because they were not forthcoming about their medical problems for fear of IPN giving them a hard time.
Personally, I feel IPN saved my life, and my career. I got myself into this mess, and IPN threw me a lifeline- I'm still holding on to it. I don't regret that phone call I made asking for help. Good luck to you and your husband, and take it one day at a time.
Thank you deeter and everyone for your information and words of encouragement. I've been trying to get my husband to post as he reads this all the time but as of yet, he doesn't seem to be able to put much into words. I hope during his treatment he posts as well as reads.
Its the beginnings of a new week and we have rec'd some good news with direction from your posts. Florida IPN allowed a program that was covered under our insurance for both the evaluation and the outpatient treatment. They advised that if the person conducting the interview was Masters degree trained as well as the therapist and there was an addictionologist on staff that they would allow him to complete this program. All seems to be in order with their requirements so this was a huge financial burden lifted.
Hey all! I'm a alcoholic and have been in AA for 10 weeks. I'm 49 and have been an RN for 11 years. My problem started at 13 years old(drugs and ETOH) . I was dry for 22 years,then started drinking again about 3 years ago. A few months ago I was blacking out 2 or 3 times a week and going into work hung over.
To make a long story short I got into AA and got a Sponsor. I'm working on my 4th step now. I'm in a great group, but do feel a bit isolated at times since we don't have a support group for nurses here(that I know of).I was having a bad week just sort if feeling sorry for myself and thinking that maybe....I might be OK if I just drank once in a while:39: ...you know...STINKIN THINKING
So...tonight we had our speaker meeting. Tonights speaker happened to be an RN who has been sober for 22 years. Talk about getting what you need at the right time! I feels so much better now. I don't know why , but hearing someone who is a nurse sharing her(or his) story helps somehow.
Anyway I decided to find a nursing recovery forum and here I am, thanks.
I'm really grateful to have found this nursing forum site. I've posted a few times but mostly I'm reading about your experiences. I was sober in AA for 21 years before diverting drugs from my job last year(got away from AA and the disease took over). The past couple years I've been in and out of various jobs and finally a complaint was brought against my license for diverting. I'm about to enter my state's Substance Abuse recovery program. At first I resisted this as an option but now realize that it's not only my license at stake here, but it's my life. The way I see it is, the BON has given me a new lease on life. I'm feeling sooo overwhelmed right now as I venture into this 5-year recovery program with the BON. I'll be signing my "contract" with them on 6/15. Will lose my license for one year and then get it back with restrictions. Guess I'm feeling a little scared about it all. Next week I go to a counselor to set up Intensive Outpatient Therapy. My insurance company says they'll pay for the outpatient therapy and individual counseling. As you all are aware I'm sure, there will be the random drug testing, peer support groups, lots of meetings, etc. Sorry to be so wordy here, just trying to get what I'm feeling and experiencing out in the open on this site and at my meetings. I'm just so grateful to be alive today. The amount of narcs I was ingesting and injecting would have killed the "average joe". I was even taking my poor dog's Xanax that was prescribed for him during thunderstorms. It's really scary to think I could end up dead like so many before me because of this disease, if I don't keep recovery my first and primary focus. Thanks for listening/reading...and please keep sharing your experience, strength and hope.
I have a couple of friends that I work with that are in the Indiana State Nursing Assistance Program.
From what they told me, don't get your recovery confused with your BON's monitoring program.
You don't need to be a nurse to recover. What I'm trying to say is create your own strong recovery program for yourself. The BON's monitoring program is just that - a monitoring program - not a recovery program. The recovery is yours - not the state's.
Thanks Tom B for your reply. You're absolutely right, my recovery is my recovery...not the board's. I feel my nursing license and whatever goes along with it is secondary to me staying clean and sober. Have a good day :)
My name is Mel C RN and I am currently in the NCBON Alternative Program. I attend NA meetings regularly and my Sponsor and I are currently working on Step One. In Aug 2004, while caring for a patient having DT's, I sustained a C4-C5 Herniated Disc, in Sept 2004 I received my first perscrition for Vicodin and it was downhill from that point. From 08/2004 to 10/2005 I could not work in the hospital because of lifting restrictions but I did work at a Substance Abuse facility where I live in High Point, NC. Now catch this... I dispensed Methadone to clients during this time but I never entertained the thought of diverting at this time. In Sept 2005 after much Therapy and refusing surgery, I was cleared by the Comp MD to return to work. All was well but the seed had been planted. The Vicodin that had been precribed to me back in 2004 was no more and I took them like eating Skittles, even for the least amount of pain. Somewhere during Feb/March 2006 instead of wasting 2 mg of Dilaudid, I diverted it from the waste to myself. That cycle continued until I received a call from my Nurse Manager while I was on Vacation in NY for Thanksgiving 2006 that I neede to meet with her and the Chief Nursing Officer before I returned to work. At that meeting all the diversion that I had done was presented to me and I was terminated at that time. But before I left the CNO ask me twice, Mel is there something you want to tell me and because of ego and pride I said no. In hindsight, the disease was exposed but would not allow me to get help that was being offered to me at that time. I was in DENIAL to th extreme. This caused my life as I new it to collapse and I started pointing fingers at the JOB and The North Carolina Board Of Nursing. Even while they were helping me to get help with my diseased self I continued to blame others!!! Where I am right now is I get with my sponsor, go to meetings, keep it at what's happening now because that's what I have. I am scheduled to meet with a Addictionoligist and appear in front of the Board of Nursing in July. That's then but just for today i'm ok. I hope everyone is doing good and I plan on hangin' out with you guys for a long time, but the main thing is I'm here with you now.
I'm a prospective student. I've been clean and sober 14 years and was in a rehab 14 years ago. Mostly my drug of choice was alcohol. I work the steps irregualrly and go to meetings sometimes a lot, sometimes not. So, I'm wondering if any knows if state Board's look unkindly on rehab stays. If they ask I intend to answer honestly, of course. Do they ask? If one answers affirmative does it negatively affect one's chances?
I've no drug or alcohol convictions per se, just a couple silly misdemeanors from 18 plus years ago and an unfortunate recent soliciting misdemeanor I'm opting for non-conviction diversion on. That last one is unfortunate because it's embarrassing and was really out of character for me. There's a back story but it's just boring. Anyway, I've been advised by the CA BRN that if I demonstrate exemplary behavior, seek some counseling, get good evals and letters from professors, and write a good explanation then I shouldn't worry about it. But, I worry about it still. And I worry that coupled with the recovery issue it might make me seem not as morally upright as I know myself to be.
Anyone have any thoughts on this? I am not soliciting legal advice, just interested in what experiences people have had or heard about.
Its always nice to find people who have very similiar stories. There truly is something magical about other people really understanding where you have been and are. After 20 years sober and active in AA, I was put on prescription pain meds for a chronic (and slightly) weird problem. In no time at all, my tolerance was once again through the ceiling. After diverting meds from work for a while, life just got deeper and darker. When the police came to talk with me about the missing meds, I was so tired and so sick of hiding and lying.( This was about two months ago now.) I saw this as an opportunity to finally get out of a really vicious circle that I was trapped in.It has been an unbelievable mess since then and will continue to be for some time. Back in recovery, huge family support, and of course- the people in AA in my community have shown tremendous support for me being back. I am an RN, and still have my license(sp). Working with the DOH here in Washington State has been good. They actually are very supportive. Its nice to meet all of you-looking forward to hearing from dlf2007, are stories are virtually identical. Sober today and darn glad to be that way, KEV.
I read your posts daily, but not much has happened on our end since my last update. My husband was caught diverting in March 2007. For the first month we were scared out of our minds. Warrant? Court? BON? Treatment? Addiction? Addictionologist?. All new words for us. This board has kept my sanity. It has helped me through each step by knowing what might be to come and where to go.
My husband is in a 12 week Intensive Outpatient Treatment (9 hours a week / minimum for IPN in FL) with a dual diagnosis of addiction and depression. He has been clean from all pain medication for almost 2 months. Even with a chronic pain issue he has decided to try alternate treatments. Being an RN for so many years, he thought most alternatives to be voodoo science. For those of you that might feel the same, i wanted to let you know how much his mind has changed. He attends pain management one on one yoga classes in addition to accupuncture. Each week he becomes more of the husband i married 21 years ago. He is clear, and happy and sees past the pain, past his diversion. He is committed to treatment and to carving a path that will first and foremost work to never take or divert again, and second to regain his career in a field he loves so much.
Thank you again to all those who post. It's stories like these that make us feel not so alone.
Hey Tracy,
Glad I found you guys. My name is Monae; I recently graduated from nursing school (BSN). Unfortunately, I smoked the herbal substance graduation night and thought I would be clean come pre employment drug screening. Unfortunately, 29 days out, I was not and I am not a chronic user. In fact this was 2nd occasion in about 60 days. Prior to that hadn't smoked pot since teen years, I'm 47. Oh I am a recovered alcoholic had 9 years sobriety prior to herbal usage. Of course, I was reported to IPN and have an evaluation this coming Monday with Dr. S. located at 4801 San Marco, Jacksonville, FL. I have no idea what to expect, what's going to happen to me or what info I should volunteer. I may have divulged too much to IPN already. Don't know? I've been LPN for 21 years and my record as a LPN is unblemished. Most of that experience was in the military. Any advice, words of wisdom, suggestions. I've heard so many horror stories about getting employed as a nurse while in the IPN program. I'm a little afraid and annoyed by all the negativity. Good thing I still get to take RN NCLEX 9 Jul. I'm all ears.
Hello! Many of the posts that I have read appear to parallel my experiences/addiction. In June 06, I was working in my dream ICU job. I had been an LPN for 12 years and went back to school so I could work in that setting. After some years of occassionally taking Lortab/DCN , I adanced to Demerol after a stressfull work shift. After a few times of replacing what I was supposed to waste with saline, I began to crave the drug more and more. I am ashamed to say that the smell of an alcohol pad can trigger my desire for demerol. I have never had a problem with addiction in my past. No smoking, only occassional social drinking. Its a terrible feeling. After about 3 months of using when I could get it, I was called to a meeting with my manager, admin, and pharmacy in regards to my frequency of Dem withdrawing from pixis. I denied and with great fear submitted urine. It came back negative, and they cleared me back to work. With great ignorance, 2 months later I was in the same boat. However, when confronted I walked away and quit. I decided to seek employment in a LTC setting to avoid exposure to injectible drugs. Last week, I received a consent order from the Tennessee Board. The state attorney stated to me that they want to revoke my license. I asked about peer assistanse, and she said that if I called them that day, she would modify the order suspending my license until treatment and contract. I made the call, but have not signed the order yet....have until July 27.
I am now very scared. I know my choices. Here in TN, when your license is disciplined they post the details of the investigation on the internet for the public. I do not know if I want to submit to Peer and the board to keep my license, and possibly not ever find a job in nursing again. I know I deserve to lose my license and am very ashamed of my actions. Perhaps I should just go back to school for something else, but I have been a licensed nurse since 19y/o.
JACRN1~ Hello, welcome. I am currently in peer assistance in Tennessee. It's going very well. Yes, I have several restrictions but it's going so much better than I expected. I am also a member of N.A. God and the program have saved my life. I am leaving on vacation very soon so I can't write more right now. If you have any specific questions, feel free to leave me a msg (private msg if you like--just read how to do it.) Keep your chin up......you will feel a weight lifted off your shoulders if you reach out here, ask questions, attend meetings (NA or AA) and other important things. I never thought I'd work again and not only am I working as a nurse, I feel spiritually healthy and grateful to be alive...and clean! Hugs~
Dear JACRN1,
I was caught obtaining fradulent rx's back in December. I ended up spending time in jail and am now going through our state's diversion program in Michigan, which is called HPRP-Health Care Professional Recovery Program. I am new to all this and it is very scary for me. I cant get a job and I am so full of shame it hurts. I too am waiting on their order to sign. I feel as if I want to just give up and forget about nursing. How will I do all the drug screens, meetings, addictionologists, ect? Our family is nearing broke and may lose our newly purchased home. I have no insurance and am scared. But I think it is worth it to give the program a go. I don't see any other choice. When I really feel like giving up, I think back to why I became a nurse in the first place. I think about all the people I helped, made smile, held while they cried or were in pain.... To never do that again would break my heart. Thats why I put up with all this. And because it will most likely save my life. Please if I can help in any way, contact me. It does help to talk to people who ARE there.
Thanks everyone! I have to make up my mind by morning. I have been going back and forth trying to make up my mind if I am going to go with peer or give up my license. I have a lot a fears either way.
I am actually at work right now in a nursing home. I have not used or deverted since last year. I purposely did not go back to work in an acute care setting because I did not want exposure to injectable drugs. I feel terrible being here at work. No matter which way I choose, I will not be working in nursing after early Sept. I think That I will miss part of my job. However, the guilt is overwhelming! I had a patient tell me tonight that she was glad that I am her nurse and she trusted me. I could not help but to feel about a centimeter tall remembering how I have falsely documented and deverted..no stolen drugs for my benefit. Not only is that against the law, our nursing code of ethics, but my personal religious beliefs as well. Both of my parents are nurses and I have no idea how I am going to tell them!
On the other hand, I have thought that perhaps there are other avenues to persue in nursing after recovery, like psychiatric nursing or surgical assistant, but I think that ICU and that CRNA dream is over. I know I should concentrate now on why I deverted and not my job. I'm so confused! I have to make a living for my family....I am the only one that works. My earning potential without my license is so dim
Thanks for welcoming me! I am feeling like I am going to have the evaluation.
After surrendering my nursing license 7 years( and in active recovery for 4 of those years), I have decided to pursue getting it reinstated.
I live in NJ.
Does anyone have information on the NJ BON Process they could share?
Look forward to hearing any stories or advice.
Thanks,
shoregirl
I have a co- worker friend who has been caught diverting drugs. I don't know what to do. He's my friend and I care about what happens to him, but I'm also so angry he did this. I'm scared for him and want to support him but don't know where to begin. Any help would b appreciated.
To mkeep74: The best thing you can do for your friend is encourage him to contact his states diversion program. I think almost all states board of nursing have one. Remember though, the decision to seek recovery is intensely personal. If he doesn't want it; there is nothing you can do to give it to him. If he does want it; there is nothing you could do to keep him from it.
I was cleared for work August 27, 2007 by IPN (Florida's Intervention program for nurses) and have been unemployed in nursing since I was caught diverting in April 2007.
I went to my first interview to a small privately owned hospital last week. The nurse manager asked right from the start why I had left my employer over 4 months ago. I knew I would have to tell, but hoped to get my feet wet a bit before going headfirst. I told her everything. She said "Everyone makes mistakes, everyone is entiteld to a second chance." "Would you be willing to discuss your situation openly with my staff". I agreed. She hired me, pending further approval from hospital administration.
I'm not counting my blessings. Say a prayer i get a call back.
That is so cool, they say in the program H.O.W. Honesty is such a freeing thing. You are very brave and I know they admired you for being straight with them. I am impressed with the nurse manager also. I will keep you in my prayers. I was honest in my first interviews and I will never regret it.
Here is a fact that I learned regarding states with programs since I am doing my masters project on addiction and alcoholism. All states have some sort of program except Iowa. I emailed the president of the Iowa nurses association to make her aware of this as well as the ANA's stance on impaired nurses. The ANA is in support of treating nurses who have the disease like human beings and helping them to get well and go on. Thanks for letting me share.
To ICULynn,
Regarding your addiction to nicotine, you have an even tougher challenge than we alcoholics and addicts do. I have been a smoking cessation facilitator for 6 years and I have never seen people have more problems quitting than do smokers. Experts report that nicotine is right up there with heroin and crack in it's level of addiction. People are having good results with the new drug, Chantix. It competes with the nicotine receptors in the brain and helps with the desire to smoke.
Good luck!
Well, Nrsaddic1, I have to agree that to quit smoking is a difficult prospect, I have been trying to quit for some time now. I am also a recovering alchoholic; Feb 02,2000 is my sobriety date. I have recently decided to try Chantix to help improve my chances in this; my most recent, attempt to quit.
I feel the need to correct your statement about what/how Chantix works.
From my own; recent, experience I found that Chantix only blocks the physical craving for nicotine and I am left fighting the mental obsession all by my lonesome self.
(THE MAGIC BULLET, ISN'T SO MAGIC)
I also have to say this battle is harder to fight than that of quiting drinking.
On a different note:: It is distressing to me how socialy scorned I feel being a smoker, people in general are more accepting of me as a recovering alcoholic than they are of the same me struggling with my nicotine addiction.
Tracy thanks for the welcome!!! Ihave a problem I'd like some help with. I lost a job because i was accussed of soliciting narcotics at work. I wasn't doing that but it was a he said she said deal. I'm not a nurse yet ( in school ) and was wondering if this can come back to haunt to? No charges were brought against me, I wasn't arressted or anything, but this is in my personell file at the hospital. Can this be sent to the state nursing board or anything to prevent me form praticing? Thanks for the input
New to this site. Have suffered disease of addiction (opiates) for 39 years. Treatment x 5. RN license suspended/probated x5; revoked x2. 2nd reinstatement of license 1/07. Blessed with 2 yrs, 9 mos recovery now. Many restrictions, stipulations, on license--unable to find a job. Happy to find this site. longrd4me
Wow, you are a survivor longrd4me! I like this site but lately the postings have been few. I have 'chatted' with some amazing people here so keep checking in. I am not familiar with Texas nursing protocol so I can't really offer any specific advice. In California, it is often easier to practice in non-patient care until you have proved able to return to patient care. When I did non-patient care I had a great job as a blood bank nurse. I don't know if you have considered that but just a suggestion. Good luck and keep your chin up!
I'm not sure which state you are in, but in Texas, if a nurse has surrendered a license, there ARE steps you can take to apply for relicensure. In TX, you must demonstrate (with documentation) 12 consecutive months of sobriety and abstinence in order to reapply. This documentation must include support group attendance, eval by a LCDC or addictionologist (MD), etc. Googe the "Texas board of nursing" for exact details. Also look at your state's BON policy for relicensure. TX BON is the most strict in the country, so our Board will be the "worst case scenario" per say... If accepted for relicensure, expect to be restricted or encumbered for about 3 years - you may be able to participate in a peer assistance program (which is the best route by far). Also, another idea to consider is to contact a nurse attorney (RN, JD) -- they specialize in negotiating with nursing boards regarding these exact issues.
Don't give up. I am in a precarious position myself, and have been considering surrendering my own license due to addiction - despite the fact I have been clean for 3 1/2 years. Know that the Board is NOT your advocate -- they are strictly mandated to protect the public.
Hope this post helps. Chin up -- the Board can not come to your house and swallow you. : )
I am new to this site. I lost my lisence 1yr ago due to addiction and I am now able to apply for reinstatement. Does anyone know the reinstatement process works? Do I need an attny? I've gone through a lot this past year and I am stressing way too much about this!
newme wrote:I am new to this site. I lost my lisence 1yr ago due to addiction and I am now able to apply for reinstatement. Does anyone know the reinstatement process works? Do I need an attny? I've gone through a lot this past year and I am stressing way too much about this!
You'll need to get on the TX board of nursing website and go to "discipline." The BON's policy outlines the steps you will need to follow in order to reapply for relicensure. You'll need "documentation" of 12 months of abstinence/sobriety, and the board may ask that you be re-evaluated by an addictionologist. There are many cases where nurses are granted relicensure after surrendering, but typically all of them are probated for anywhere from 1 to 3 years. Did you participate in TPAPN? If not, your best bet would be to seek enrollment in TPAPN if the board gives you resistance. Even if you were in TPAPN before (and got kicked out or something), you may still be eligible for reenrollment. By the way TX just added an "extended evaluation program" designed for nurses who submitted positive drug screens! So, it appears that TNA and the Board are negotiating to reduce discipline of addicted nurses -- finally!
My suggestion is to get the info from the Board, follow the relicensure policy, and reapply. If you encounter problems, you may consider hiring an attorney. And take it from me (from personal experience) -- hire a "nurse attorney" versus a plain atty. You'll need someone experienced in licensure and BON cases such as yours. Google "nurse attorney in Austin" -- there are several who exclusively handle these kinds of issues. Years ago, I paid $ 15,000 to a "big name" atty, and ended up with the same outcome if I would have represented myself. Now, I am hiring a nurse atty (RN, JD) to represent me (for approximately $ 3,000). If nothing else, hopefully this info will give you a place to start. Do the research now, and hopefully your fears will turn into faith. We all make mistakes, but indeed, we should have the opportunity to right our wrongs.
I too suffer from addiction. My first treatment center was in 2001, that lasted 9 months however I was given the choice to report myself or go on my way. I reported myself and I do regret it because I my career as a nurse is ruined, however I can't help but think it has kept me alive. My second attempt at treatment was in 2005, and my clean date is jan/15/05. I reported myself again that I had relapsed and little did I know what would happen next. I did the whole wait a year thing and got my license back but could not find a job. I had like 20+ rejections and finially found a job in a psych hospital. They would only put me in the child 5-12 crazy unit. I hated it and was there for three months. Then I said F it and decided not to work as a nurse anymore and do something else. The problem is that my what I thought was confidential information about the details that I shared about my relapse is now available to any employer doing a background check. I am so sick of not being able to move on with my life. I have never been caught and I have been the one to disclose my info to the board two separate times, but I am still F'd. Once the state sends information to the national provider network, it is all bad. States that I had not worked in for years that I did not even have a license in decided to chime in and california revolked my lic and colorado suspended it. now my info is available via me googleing myself. This is so not ok, but nobody will do anything to change it. So, be very careful what you tell the nursing boards. I would recommend not telling them any details about what drugs, or how you did it, or where unless you are legally required to. The rooms teach us to be honest but in this case honesty leads to and end of a 18 year career as a nurse. Be careful out there. Always consult a professional (lawyer) before you say anything to anyone, because it will follow you forever.
I am so grateful to you for starting this network of support. I have been looking for other nurses who are also in recovery. It helps alot to know someone else knows what you're going through and cares enough to talk to you.
thx again
lp
I am new to this site, and am so happy I found it! I am currently going through the whole process of being investaged by the Illinois Board of nursing for diversion and am so so so stressed of what the outcome will be. I went through a treatment program back last July and have obtained a lawyer but I just dont know how hard the board will come down on me. I am hoping they will give me the care, counseling and treatment program option instead of being put on probation or even worse, suspension. this whole process has been goin on so long now, I cant belive how long this whole process takes. Im just so worried how this will effect my current job as a RN on a med/surg unit and the struggle to find a job after all this mess. Can any one give advice to an overstressed depressed gal?
You are doing everything you can. How were you able to keep working after u were caught for diversion, or do they allow u to keep working during an investigation? Either way it is very good that u went to treatment-not so much for the board but for yourself. How r u doing working on a floor unmonitored where u scored drugs. my concern for u would be how are u able to stay away from the drugs? What will probably happen is this. It varies state to state because god forbid there is any consistency with the boards. Once they find out that xyz happened they usually suspend your license for 3 months. This seems like a long time but you have no idea how lucky u r because in some states like in nc it is up to a year before u can reapply. anyway during that time u must provide them with the documentation that u went to tx and that you have been staying clean. they will not take your word on that, they usually require you to attend aftercare for one year, show your meeting attendance on signed mtg sheets, do random urine testing which u pay for yourself once they give u your conditions, and for some states u have to write a relapse recovery plan and sign various contracts etc..the usual time u r on contract is 3 years. r u going to meetings? do u have a sponsor? r u staying clean? in terms of the lawyer-very good. these things very rarely require u to do any jail time, the hospital usually never wants to press charges due to bad publicity etc. u definately will not be able to work on med surg, unless your boss is really cool and they already know about your situation. you will not be able to pass drugs (narcs) for at least one year-so another nurse would have to give out those meds for you. It is possible to do it, don't get me wrong. But in my experience it is very difficult to work in the same place that i stole drugs from. sometimes the reality it that it is just not as fun to be a nurse unless you feel the same way u did while deverting. it is just the truth. it takes time, but i certainly would not expect an alcoholic to go back and work in the bar. heavy **** i know, i am totally here for u and will help, talk, listen whenever. make sure you are very very careful as to what you say to the bon. trust me often what u think is confidential information may become public in the future. read my first post on this link. hang in there-it will be ok, don't use no matter what. stats show that nurses that participate in the alternative program have a 85% sucess rate of staying clean and not totally abliterating themselves (most importantly) and their careers secondarily. my spelling sucks when i am typing fast so please excuse xoxojl
First of all I am so glad to have found all of you..although we have never met I feel like I have found a place where I belong and it feels good..
I'm looking for information from anyone who has recovered from the benzos-alcohol combination. I have been clean since 1/31/08, but after more than 30 days I still have trembling in my body,numbness and tingling in my hands,feet and face,and difficulty sleeping. my sx. have improved alot since my inpatient stay. I am wondering how long anyone else has continued with the Sx. of withdrawal? I'm not sure if this is withdrawal or just anxiety that I have to learn to deal with. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
lp
Hang on babe, I have been through the same. benzos are etoh in a pill form-as u probably know. Anyway there r 2 substances that can kill u if u don't detox correctly-and those r the 2. That is so very good that u went through in patient. It took me 20 days in a detox center to come off it. i was taking 4-5 mg xanax/day-not proud of that it is what it is-or was i should say-thank god. anyway then i went to a long term tx center and they put me on neurontin and atenolol for the shakiness from coming off that stuff. They both helped alot. Also alot of the "mood stabilizer" drugs work well. Lamictal for example. For sleep I have found that seroquel is great. they also use this for people with anxiety during the day as well. All these drugs are safe. Always tell your dr you are in recovery and bring him that list that the bon gave us-do u have that? If not i can get it to you. Don't give up, it will get better-talk to your dr about safe tx methods. It really works. I remember in detox i was given phenobarb and and I ended up having 2 seizures and literally chewed through 5 shirt sleaves. We r all so f--ked up, sometimes it is funny to really look at all the stuff we did, and really thought nobody else could ever understand. Thank god for nurses in recovery. Don't get me wrong-anyone with clean time that is working the steps is wonderful, but nurses helping nurses is so very valuable. Don't use no matter what. I promise it will get different and eventually much, much better. Live today, you deserve it and u r worthy of a wonderful life. we all r. xoxo jl
Hi there, thanks for responding. It makes me feel better to get this off my chest and get advice from someone who knows what I am going through. First of all the reason I am still working on a med/surg unit is because I am licensed in 2 states. This occurence that just happened when I found out the board is putting me under investagation (and now prosecuting) happed with my Illinois license. I moved out to Wisconsin before I found out about the Illinois thing and got my WI license. I was fired from a job in Illinois for refusing a drug test and suspicious narc documentation. I thought I got away scotch free, until 9 months later I got a notification from a damn inspector from the IL Dept of Prof Regulation. I was/am devasated. I am very happy at the current job I have here in Wisconsin and I dont know what I am going to do, or how long it would take for my Wisconsin license to be affected. I have a lawyer who specializes in cases like this and is sort of helping me through this, for the legal aspect anyway, but I just have a bad feeling about this and am worried sick every single day about what the hell I am going to do with my life-I feel like everything I did to prepare for this nursing career has just gone down the drain. I wasted time, money and lots of stress/effort. I am so so so sick of worrying about this crap and wish it would just get over with already so I can start to move on with my life. But until I know how the board wants to handle this, it is just a waiting game. Its really messing with my head, and makes me want to use again. I have been clean for awhile now, but the way my diseased brain thinks is why stay clean if im just going to have a good for nothing license anyway? Anyway, sorry for rambeling, thx for reading. I just wish I could teleport to like 3 years from now and know where my life will be so I can stop worrying about what will happen to my license.
Desilou~~Coming to this website also helps me remember I'm not alone.
I have a license in 2 states but I didn't have issues in the primary state of my license. I started the "avalanche" of using when I moved to a different state. I believe I've read about this question on this website. It would take a while but you might read through several threads. I wonder if it would help to do a search. What does your attorney say? You stated the worrying makes you want to use. From what I've learned most of the time we used over feelings....feelings of fear/depression/etc. I am "addicted to certainty"....and I would possibly use if I hadn't developed faith that my higher power helps me in adversity. Do you attend 12-step meetings? I've found they are essential to my recovery. I've also met several nurses over the 2 years in the N.A. program. Their insight has been helpful. I have empathy for what you're going through. It was hard for me in the beginning. Looking back, I realize (from what I've been taught in N.A.) that I had to "go through it (with courage and help) to get through it. In the past I simply wanted to numb myself so I didn't have to face reality. It isn't always easy but it's getting MUCH better each day. You WILL make it through this....just don't use and find additional support from some type of 12-step meetings. Remember, sometimes it's darkest before the dawn. I will pray for you. Hugs.
We have alot of things in common. Here is a part of a post that i put under a different title yesterday-
You are blessed. I waited for years to hear "well now it is your turn honey, I will take care of everything because u sure have done it for me over the years!" Needless to say I never heard that and my husband and I ended up separating. Which for me was a very good thing. We r friends now but he is a hot holloween mess in his own right. He does not have a drinking problem (according to him of course) because his work was never impared nor did he take pills so he is A ok. I am so glad I know that it is my job to take care of me today and not be a part of all that s-it. I will tell u all the things u have to do for the nsg board gets very costly to say the least. I made a wopping 22,000 last year due to having to file for un-employment and working at bulls--t jobs just to make ends meet. I will tell u this though. I have never been happier. I have bills up the wazoo but I started a new job on monday and it is in the ballpark of what i made in nursing. I decided to give up my license because it was a mess. I self reported back in 2004 and had to wait for 1 year to re-apply for licensure.. But... I was in the alternative program-first self reported back in 2002 in Michigan. All ok, but then when I moved to nc-i had to get my license here and join the alternative program here or they were going to suspend my lic in mich-just because when i left the state, the monitoring co. was mandated to report to the nsg board. ok i get that, they r "protecting the public." So I joined the alternative prog here and participated from oct 2003-Jan 20, 2005. The whole thing was a joke to me. I figured since i reported myself i could do what i like to call buffet style recovery. The only thing on my buffet it was empty. I forged documents and never dropped dirty-but i was using all of 2004. O my god-talk about it coming back with a vengence. Once i put that drink to mouth, it was on. Soon there after i started doing oxys and many other narcs, and my tollerance was so high, i wasn't even getting high, it was just preventing me from getting sick. The only place i had left to go was heroin and i knew if i went there i would never go back. So very long story short, i got my lic back in oct of 06 and looked for a job for 11 months. we are talking tons and tons of interview. nobody would hire me. Anyway in Sep of 07, i went to the board and said i was done. I said thank you, but i no longer want to play this game. Not because i used or anything god no-i have almost 3 1/2 years. But then they suspended my lic-and said it was breech of contract and sent all my info to the national provider data bank place and the info is supposed to be confidential. well it is not and even though i had not practiced in cali or colorado for many years, just because i was once licensed there colorado suspended my licen and california revolked it. I was like -Whaaaaaat!!! I contacted both states and they were like, well we are just basing our decision to do this based on what happened in nc. I told them it was like getting a speeding ticket in nc and then cali and co give me one too, just because i was once a driver in that state. Un fortunately i cannont do anything about this and the info will be in this data base "forever." O by the way it is all public record now since each nob website publicly presents all the disciplinary actions on their web sites. Nice. So now this monday i started a job that is with a company that puts together the educational material for CEUs for md, pa, nurse prac, and nurses. ha ha. I may try and convinced them to do a presentation on addiction. of course i have to fly under the radar because even if someone does a background check on me all this stuff shows up. So much for the nursing board protecting you. Your life is more important then any damn nursing license. Take it from me, i did it the hard way. Don't get me wrong there are many guys and gals out there that have successfully completed "the program." For me I just know i need to move on with my life with out this haunting mess. Just for today, don't use no matter what. There is nothing i can't get through clean. I know that today, and it is better then any drug I ever did. Thanks for listening to this big dump, but it helps for me to get it off my chest and hopefully help another person, especially if that person is a nurse. xoxoxox jl
Hi Guys, After reading all that was just said, I'm scared to death to reapply for my liscence. I'm in TX, went through rehab and have been seeing a LCDC for a year now. If I do get my liscence back am I going to be able to get a job? It sounds like I'm not. While i was in rehab last yr i was served with divorce papers and my children live with him. This is a lot of stress and now i am worrying about reapplying and going befor the board and there is still the possibility that i may never work as a rn again! Does anyone have any input? Thanks
It sounds like you have a case of the "what ifs". My LCDC is always telling me that I should join a carnival act because I am convinced that I can see the future and what is going to happen before it happens. He is right I think I have to look ahead and see what the outcome is going to be to prepare myself for it. Like you are trying to do with your divorce,kids,license. Problem is that my tiny little brain can't handle thinking about anything but today..as soon as I start letting myself get the what ifs my addictive brain turns on and says lets have something to calm us down this is a stressful situation. When I was reading your words I could feel the panic in them. I find that most of the things I pre-worry about are things which I have no control over anyway. Focus on what you do have control over, and what you can do to make your life better for today. I hope you realize that your nursing license is not who you are. I became a nurse so that I could be somebody, but now I realize I have to be somebody to myself first before I can be anything else. Practice telling yourself that you are a good person
Sometimes I have so much trouble thinking past today that I write down a list of what I need to do today..when you see the few simple things on the list it reminds you to slow down.
take care
TPAPN is unfair. Had 4 months left on my 2 year contract. Had positive UDS for morphine. Had MRO done and determined it was poppy seed. TPAPN admits it was not a relapse, but was still a violation of my contract which states No Poppy Seed Muffins, No Nyquil etc because they will cause a pos. UA. So, even with all the reassessments and drug screens and LCDC, Psych, MD and therapists statements saying I did not relapse, I have to start over from scratch!! 2 full years, all the restrictions in place and I HAVE to go back to treatment!!! FOR WHAT?? What can I possibly gain from IOP! 5 weeks of bitterness and resentment. Just 4 months away. Will suck it up and do it again, because I know I am a RECOVERING addict. Clean over two years. This sucks!!!!
Wow, that's interesting. I'm also a participant of TNPAP. Have you thought about seeing an attorney? I can sorta understand that it was a violation of our contract but to return for treatment if it wasn't deemed a relapse? Wow.
I am relieved to have someone to talk to. My addiction has been a constant lurking enemy for over 20 years. While there have been many years of intermittent clean time "it" resurfaces eventually.
The destructiveness of the disease took a long time to appear. For many years I have been able to keep jobs, twice by my own admission into treatment. Then after I had my third child I started a slow downward spiral in my career. Since 2003 I have been fired seven times. Not all of those times were drug related but most of them were. Through it all I have never been accused of drug use/stealing until this last time around.
Ironically I was fired for taking 2 Vicodin tablets and I have not been using for a long time before that. What can I say? I did it.
The pain is magnified by our financial situation. I really needed that job. Now I very likely will loose my home, cannot pay bills (electric is now up to $1,000) and have applied for food stamps. My children (16,13 and 10) will be devasted when we have to move. My biggest fear is that they will come to hate me when they are old enough to understand and this will be a lifelong rememberence. I have thought about suicide but cannot do this to my family. Have already acted selfishly. Instead I cut myself to relieve the stress and pent up feelings. I hide what I cut and do not discuss it.
My x-job reported me to the state and I am in the process of an evaluation for a treatment plan. In the meantime I must work and have sought employment from a store and a packaging co. I could make $9 per hour. This will hardly save my home. How do I explain this to my children and extended family? I feel so low.
All my life I have only wanted to be a nurse. I even have a MSN and have worked as a CNM and CRNP. All this is down the toilet. I AM a loser. Who would hire me? I know nothing about managed care and need to work at night because of childcare issues and also because my 13 yr old son is bipolar and subject to serious mood swings.
People I have worked with in the last 5 years would never believe I had a successful career as a nurse and was respected. They have only seen the slow, forgetful nervous person I have become. Enough... Thank you. I need some friends.
Sincerely, Carol hasbeen
I know exactly how you feel. I too have put my family through emotional and financial hell. My kids 17/12 are still angry at me but I am involving them in my recovery just like I involved them in my disease. We talk about the disease of addiction and read stories from AA literature together. I feel it is important for them to understand that mom is sick with a disease just as if I had cancer or some other debilitating disease that financially drained us, and I also want them to know that they are at increased risk of becoming an addict too. I did attempt suicide and I hope to never hurt my family like that again, they were absolutely devastated. I have been going to AA and I hear stories like ours everyday, and then I hear how they stopped using a day at a time and now a few years later they have full happy lives with good relationships with family members. I am sure your children love you and when they are older rather than being resentful of what you cost them they will realize that mom was very sick but she worked really hard to get better and be a good mom for them. I am always hear for anyone who is struggling and needs to talk..I have a daily update on the just for today thread.
Laurie
Consequences of addiction are sometimes as bad as addiction itself, it seems, to me. I know I did this to myself. My addiction to narcotics spanned 39 years. I've been a RN for 29 years. In those 29 years, I've been fired from almost every nursing job I've had, had my nursing license suspended/probated x5, 2 revocations, and 2 reinstatements. I also completed TPAPN twice, somehow. I never had any real clean time, until 2005. I voluntarily surrendered my license to the Texas Board of Nurses in March, 2005. I went to my 3rd IOP treatment, ( I had already been through 4 inpatient treatments, including a 3mo stint in a Halfway House), and I was just so miserable and scared, and hopeless. I actually went to AA, I didn't like NA, and for the first time, got up the nerve to ask someone to be my sponsor. I initially could not understand the Steps, Still have trouble with them sometimes, but will celebrate 3 years clean and sober on 4-4-08. I was ineligible for TPAPN, and the Board revoked my license in 3/05,(#2). I couldn't find a job, I had creditors bothering me, but I was Lucky that my ex, supported me and my daughter. I told my daughter about my addiction in '05. She was angry, hurt, scared, and lost any trust she had in me. She refused to participate in any recovery therapy, or even attend when I got my year chip. I was an embarrassment to her. It hurt, but I couldn't blame her; her whole image of me had been a lie. But, the most frustrating and idiotic part of all of this the role of government. I had been reported to 2 data banks, and sanctioned by Medicare and Medicaid when my license was revoked. After my license was reinstated, I had to apply for a petition for reinstatement to Medicaire and Medicaid. I had to go through the Inspector General's Office in Washington DC, and my Medicare reinstatement was approved. Then I had go repeat the whole process again through Texas Department of Health and Human Services in Austin. They approved Medicaid reinstatement. It's not like I had been paid any funds by either of those departments, it's just another way to punish healthcare workers by people who have no idea of what addiction is about. One data bank removed my name from it's files. The second one, Healthcare Integrity and Protection Data Bank, informed me that my name would never be removed from their files. There are 6 reports, ( called adverse action reports) in their data bank. All are duplicates. 3 sanction reports, submitted by the State Board, 3 by US Dept. of Health, and 3 by Tx Dept. of Health. Then there are 3 reinstatement (adverse) reports filed by the same agencies. Why it is necessary for all these duplicate reports, I'll never know. Why they only have 1 report form, the adverse report, is another great mystery of the world. I have been going back and forth between these agencies to get clarification, correction and explanation for over a year. This is a Federal agency, HIPDB, that has the data bank. One report states "deceased: unknown". They sure knew I wasn't deceased when it came down to paying taxes. An employee of this HIPDB, informed me that no one has access to these files and reports except Federal Government Agencies. Here, in Dallas, Tx., is an private entity called "Group One". Hospitals and who knows who else uses this Group one for background checks. Somehow, Group One had access to those "protected" records, because one hospital sent me a copy of the background check they did, and they knew about the reports, they knew reasons I was terminated from various jobs,etc. I reported this to HIPDB, who told me they could not do any thing, I needed to speak tothe person who submitted the reports. What does that have to do with their files being accessed by non federal groups? I called the State Board of Nurses, and asked them why they felt it was in the public's best interest to submit reports of revocation and reinstatement of licensure in March of 2008, when my license was reinstated in March of 2007. I got talked to 2 investigators and got 3 different answers. Meanwhile, TPAPN, Board Ordered, and other nurses get blacklisted by Group One, and are discriminated against before they get in the door, since online apps have you agree to background checks or they won't accept your application.
It's McCarthyism, and it's totalitarianism. And it's out and out discrimination. Healthcare personnel are held to standard above the normal---for the safety of the public. What about pilots? Bus drivers? Car drivers? Politicians that can make war? Everyone is responsible for public safety. The government is made up of fools. I have not been able to find work in nursing since my license was returned. I can't get responses from jobs I am qualified for. And I can't get jobs because I'm over qualified, and have a horrible work history. No one takes the time to talk to me, to see who I really am. Resumes are paper, and most are lies, probably. I have many stipulations on my license, monitoring. I'm identified; They should be more wary of those that aren't, yet, and working with them. Anyway, I have vented for the day. There's a job listed in the paper for RNs at the VA Hospital. Since it's a Federal institution, and I'm on Federal data banks, there's a good chance that they don't know it, and won't even find out! Good luck to you guys, we're survivors, and God chose us for a reason.
Would love to get an attorney and fight fight fight, but, and I am sure you have heard this a thousand times, TPAPN is strictly VOLUNTARY. So I can quit, or be dropped at any time for any reason. So, I am still fighting the treatment thing, but am once again on contract for two more years. Still don't have a job either. Oh well. Wonder how many nurses are on food stamps because of TPAPN. Would make a great research thesis huh?
Just keep playing the game.
Hello everyone. Well it's been a year since my husband was caught diverting narcotics. When his world seemed to be spinning out of control, and I was holding on for dear life, this website was a life line for us. He has been through so much this past year and I'm so happy to tell everyone that with all the suffering, depression, uncertainty and fear of the future, one year later seems like a lifetime ago.
I am so proud of the achievements he has made, and how I am now married to the man I married 22 years ago. Being compliant with Florida IPN seemed like insurmountable hurdles in the beginning. One day at a time he found a way to take those steps forward.
One year later he is employed full time at a small local hospital. His participation in IPN and his restriction was not only welcomed but understood with compassion. The support from his peers, support group, counselor, family and friends are heartwarming.
We never thought one year would make so much difference. It has more than we would have ever dreamed.
Wow..it is nice to hear such a positive outcome..tell him I said congratulations and may he have continued success in his recovery. I only have 23 days clean today and I understand totally what an insurmountable feat it seems to achieve a year of sobriety, but stories like that give me hope for my own future..thanks for sharing!
I can so relate to your story it is not even funny. I too am stuck in the black hole of infomation going to the provider data bank that I was told was confidential and only accessible by people with "clearance" or whatever, and i was also denied job, many jobs becuase when they went to do my background check, all this info came up. I even ended up surrendering my license to the nc bon because i could not find anyone who would hire me on contract, and also because it was costing me more money to participate in the program, then it I was able to afford, given that i could not find a job. i even initially reported myself to them-like a fu-king fool, thinking i was doing the right thing and getting help. I have been to 2 treatment centers, to the tune of 50,000 not even including the cost of all the stuff it takes to be reinstated. what a joke, get this, also if i put my name in google, full name the way it reads on my license you get linked to direct access to the information in the data bank. great. i hired people to get it off search engines and they said the people who put it there( whoever the f-ck that is) has the right to post information generated from the government because of their first amendment rights. are you kidding me????? what about my rights. my career is over, and the only reason i found a job after looking for over one year after surrendering my license is that they did not do a background check. I am not even working in nursing, nor am i falsely representing myself as a nurse. i am working in research and ironically putting togehter medical education content for thier CME activities. talk about discrimination, i walk on eggshells everyday that someone on a whim does not decide to google my name, let alone what they can find when they do a background check. I have no criminal record and I have 3 1/2 years clean and sober. sometimes i just want to give up. i hate what this profession does to us. yes i fought, i fought the system for 6 years and gave up. not because i couldn't stay clean, but because i couldnt get a job. this sucks. for addicts the saying should be life sucks and then you live. just wanted to let you know you are not alone. fyi, i also found out that information is never removed from the date base and will always be accessible even after you are dead. how do we even begin to get help for this, legally or politically? can't i ever move on with my life without having to have my past literally be a part of my present and future. so much for annonymity. no such thing for nurses.
I gotta tell you, just reading your postings is making me feel better. I was positive on a UDS this Monday, and haven't yet found out the extent of the damage to my nursing career or my marriage. My husband is also a nurse and we have worked together for the past 13 years...he had no idea, I hid it from him. Actually I told him 8 months ago and told him that I had stopped and did, but only for a short while, then I started back up and was so ashamed I hid it from him. So, here comes this Monday, and I get popped. I am actually grateful in a way...now I know that this is the beginning of a huge transformation. My husband doesn't know if he can stand by me or not..that will just have to come I guess. So, I'm pretty much alone in this struggle....I have already contacted the BON and haven't been able to speak to a live person yet...so, we'll see. Any advice you have would be much appreciated. I am licnsed in a few other states, do you know if I can work under those licenses?
~rhi
rhiRN33, I understand your situation. My husband and I are both RN's, and I too hid my addiction from him from several years before being busted at work. As we were both working at the same facility (and on the same unit), this impacted not just our marriage, but also both of our jobs. Of course, i lost my job, and over the past 5 years, he has managed to transition into a senior leadership position at the corporate level. My guilt and shame was EVERYWHERE -- at home, in the community (one where everyone knows everything about everyone), and at the hospital. We managed to stay married through this tedious process of recovery, but it is a battle I have faced alone. He thinks addiction is not a disease, but just personal failure.
As far as your positive UDS goes, you might want to consider self-reporting to your state's peer-assistance program prior to notifying the BON. This fulfills your professional duty to report under most Nurse Practice Acts. Regarding your multi-state licensure privileges, typically, when you elect to participate in a peer-assistance program (like TPAPN), your multi-state licensure priviliges are taken away during the 2 years of the program. After successful completion of the program, you are then eligible to reapply for multi-state licensure. Another option to consider is contacting a Nurse Atttorney (RN, JD) to explain your situation and obtain legal advice. Most RN JD's will give a free consultation and advise you of your options.
Hang in there. Lord knows we need nurses, and recovering nurses need support from other recovering nurses. Oftentimes, as in my situation, nurses abandon those of us in recovery -- I have chosen NOT to do this. We can help each other, and we should. Best of luck with your husband -- this may be an opportunity for the two of you to learn about addiction together and grow in your marriage.
Recoveringtxrn,
Thanks for your reply and support. As for my husband, he is back now and very supportive, I think he needed a few days to clear his head. Thanks a lot for your advice and support.
I'll be in touch.
rhi
Has anyone ever faced criminal charges in addition to the BON charges?
If so, how did it turn out?
Please share your stories, am very interested.
thanks,
rhi
Hello
I Graduated from my state monitoring program almost 4 years ago. I used to be very active in the recovering community but fell away from the rooms about two years ago on a spiritual journey that took me to other places to stay clean.
Right now I am looking back to my AA/Alanon/ACOA family for ES & H. I went back to my Alanon home group after doing the same thing and expecting different results. Had my first relationship post divorce and picked another nurse/addict who was still drinking thinking it would all be okay. (duh..for me)..
I found out that I am still Codependent and need you all...
Hi TracyR.. new to this site and have come to realize I have been an alcoholic for 2 years.. I have too many horror stories to even begin to count..I am married with 2 girls and have put them through way way too much... I have only been a nurse for 1 year however I have tried on my own to stop and now realize I just can't..I admitted myself to a hospital this past week for detox, but did not feel I was getting the help I needed and left AMA yesterday after 2 days..not good I know..I am going to my first AA meeting today..the thing I am most concerned with of course is my license..I do not use any drugs of any kind just alcohol...please help!!
rhiRN333 wrote:Has anyone ever faced criminal charges in addition to the BON charges?
If so, how did it turn out?
Please share your stories, am very interested.
thanks,
rhi
i had felony charges for prescription forgery. i did 70 days in jail, a year of house arrest and it took 5 years before i had my license back without any restrictions. jail probably saved my life because i was taking 80 10mg lortab a day, PLUS shooting all the ms, demerol and fentynal i could get. it was a VERY dark time and i really wanted to die at the time--and was so sick withdrawling in jail, i thought i would die. but god must have had a purpose for me because i'm still here!:33:
fergij wrote:Hi TracyR.. new to this site and have come to realize I have been an alcoholic for 2 years.. I have too many horror stories to even begin to count..I am married with 2 girls and have put them through way way too much... I have only been a nurse for 1 year however I have tried on my own to stop and now realize I just can't..I admitted myself to a hospital this past week for detox, but did not feel I was getting the help I needed and left AMA yesterday after 2 days..not good I know..I am going to my first AA meeting today..the thing I am most concerned with of course is my license..I do not use any drugs of any kind just alcohol...please help!!
hi fergie--why did you leave ama?? you know that was not the best idea!:( i really hope you can do this with aa! it does work!! if the BON doesn't know--i wouldn't worry about it. i would think with the hippa laws, your info would be safe. if you think they can find out some way, i would recommend going to them first. it looks way better to them if you make the first step. addiction is a life/death --if you need to go back to tx to save your life--GO!! you are more important than any career!
:banana:I need to admit openly that I am an alcoholic. I was sober for over five years when I found out my husband was having an affair. I told a co-worker(male) about my story and he capitalized on my weakness. He preyed on me. We had an afair and I forgot life as it was. We went out for lunch and I had a Drink without even thinking. I began drinking again and one drink lead to another. I witnessed my life begining to crumble but by then I was out of control. I tried to end the afair and couldn't. I tried to end the marriage and couldn't, could not do much while being drunk. I guess they noticed the change at work. I began to get write ups almost weekly. I stayed out of work more often. Long story short I was terminated and reported to the BON, I told them I was not a diverter. I do drink. They must have seen through my story because I am now on probation and need to test randomly. I am greatfull some thing had to give before my health failed or I killed someone.:notworthy:
Thank you for being here, I am so lost. Im an addict, thats not hard for me to admit, its remembering what i have done and who I hurt to get my drug. This is all new, I got caught, only but for the grace of God I did get caught. Im not mad Im relieved. I started celebrate recovery last night and plan on attending NA meetings. I do not have the desire to use right now, I know that can return at any time. My flesh is weak, I can only do the next right thing and take it min. my min. Any suggestions on what I can do to keep my license. I know my recovery comes first at all cost. Im willing to do anything, Im in the investigation stage right now.
If they have not taken them by now they won't. they will give you an option of surrender, or play by their rules. the best thing for you to do is to read your board's disciplinay actions taken against other nurses in your state and others.
Hi, I got caught as well. I chose voluntary surrender. I turned myself in as soon as it happened. I went to IOP rehab for 3 months, went to AA-90 meetings in 90 days and am currently in aftercare. I have had a good experience with the NSBN- my compliance advisor through the BON has been great-very helpful and caring. I have not been working as a nurse for 8 months but will be returning hopefully in June.will be on probation for 5 years but will have no ding on my record. Saving your license can be done, it is a drawn out process with LOTS of paperwork and meetings, counseling ect., but I am definately the better for it.
Tracey
