Reply With QuoteYou poor soul. The only advice I can give is to try to enlist the aid of your doctor to help you through this. Know that our prayers and thoughts are with you.
Hi,
I am having a very difficult time and I feel like my mind is going in 1000 different directions. I'm in uncharted territory and I don't know how to deal with whats happening in my life.
Like most of you,I diverted drugs years ago. I surrendered my license for 3 years, was reinstated and placed on probation for 3 years. It was a pretty standard deal, unless of coarse, your me. I'm one of those people that s___t happens to. It's not directly related to drugs,it's been like this my whole life. I'll be working in my garden and my wheelbarrow gets a flat, once I was one of 100 people in my state that had their unemployment check accidently sent to another state, when it was time for me to have my license reinstated the Dept of Health was in serious trouble because some jerk who owned several nursing homes in this state was caught pocketing government money allotted for patients. People were irate because there loved ones were not getting food,no snacks for diabetics,proper supplies etc. At the same time another nursing home became under fire because a nurse ignored a patient who was complaining of chest pain,never evaluated her, three different cna's reported the pt complaints to this nurse but were rebuffed when the nurse said she was faking. Finally one of the cna's called the director at home but it was too late and the patient died. Needless to say, I fell through allot of cracks. The director of the doh was fired,the director of the bon was promoted, deservedly so. I had to learn how to weave my way through things and you manage somehow and move on. I don't know how to handle whats happening to me right now.
In Feb/2008 I had a seizure at work. It was actually my 5th one in the span of a year and a half.I had two at home and one at the library while getting books with my 8 yr old daughter I don't remember anything except waking up to 4-5 fireman standing over me. I did go to the hospital and of course they tested me for drugs and they were all negative. When I had the one at work I was taken off the floor and brought to the directors office. Of course they assumed I was on drugs. I came out of my fog in approx 20 min and they sent me home. Apparently there were two oxycontin unaccounted for but I wasn't worried both of the patients that received the oxycontin were lucid and knew there meds very well. They both confirmed they received their meds. At that point I was much more concerned about my health then anything else. My boss was aware that I had something going on because I had a seizure on 12/31/2007 while at home 7 days prior to the one I had at work,and I called out sick for three days. After the episode at work my Dr took me out of work and sent me to have a neuro workup,cardiac, blood work etc. I'm only 40 years old,not over weight and the only meds I was on was an anti depressant. He was worried as was I.
Someone other than my boss reported me stating that I was fine and all of a sudden I was disheveled,foggy and unresponsive. It turns out I was having rapid blood pressure spikes from increased anxiety. It all came together and started making sense because according to the girls I was working with that day reported that I was having an argument with this one particular manager, who was always on my butt. I don't remember. All I know is the board slapped a summary suspension on me and the AG is determined to turn me into a felon. In the past when I was accused of diverting I denied it at first but deep down I knew I was guilty. I 've never actually been innocent before. I don't know how to wrap my mind around this. I can't handle this. Please don't think I'm crazy when I say this ,but I would rather be guilty. I don't know how to put in words the feelings that I'm having
I did one smart and positive thing. I applied and was accepted into an accelerated para legal program at Boston University. I loved it and did very well but I am still mired down with all this other stuff that must be settled before I can move on. Does this ever end? I need this to end.
Thanks for letting me vent
cat
Re: tired
You poor soul. The only advice I can give is to try to enlist the aid of your doctor to help you through this. Know that our prayers and thoughts are with you.
I agree with cat - Find out what's going on with your health - present your neuro work-up to the court. I assume they did a full work-up (EEg, CT, MRI etc). Hypertensive episodes don't usually cause seizures buy BP is often elevated before, during and after a seizure. Just because the AG charges you doesn't make you guilty - You are still entitled to due process - If you are innocent get a lawyer nad fight don't roll over.Originally Posted by cali510
I will keep you in my prayers
Hppy
Hi,
Thankyou for your support. I just want to clear up a couple of things.I had one grand mal seizure and that was at home the others were more like a TIA.My tests were thourough and all negative,thank God. The only common factor I had before each episode was feeling my pulse bounding in my temples and then,nothing. My meds are working and I haven't had an episode since sept o8. The legal stuff is still being dealt with. I feel like know matter how much evidence there is that clearly supports that drugs were for once,not a factor but people still see what they see. The law exists on a plain that is black or white. Addiction exists on a plain that is all grey. I'm confident that my attorney will get me through this. However, he said worst case, you do six months in the diversion program and there are no charges or permonant record. I would have to admit guilt. I can't say i'm guilty of something I didn't do.It took me forever to admit I was guilty when it was true. Does it ever end?
cat
Of course one of the Promises of AA is that "We shall not forget the past nor wish to close the door on it!" My history is my History - though I believe I would surely be dead if I had kept using _ I also know that I would not be the person I am today without having gone through that experience.
You are blessed to be alive
Peace and Namaste
Hppy
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