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Thread: In the midst of a nightmare...

  1. #21
    Member SyckRN's Avatar
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    This I say with full confidence. No amount of factual education on the subject of addiction would have prevented my progressive decline into impairment. In fact, I knew a lot about addiction. I had a whole section in my home library on the topic. I built my denials on top of every page. I was thoroughly convinced that none of it applied to me. Denial is the insidious nature of addiction.

    What, then, do we do about nurses like me? How shall we keep the public safe from nurses like me? My suggestion is that, as with other practices that result in errors and patient harm, we talk about it. We communicate. We suspect. We tell. We discourse. We have a duty to raise awareness and learn to recognize and intervene.

    “Why isn’t this happening?” you might ask. Well, part of the answer is this. In many states, diversion programs are offered as an alternative to discipline or revocation of licensure. As an enticement into the longer, more rigorous and comprehensive diversion programs, graduates are guaranteed confidentiality in exchange for their voluntary compliance (except for their worksite monitors and hospital administration, and except in the case of relapse). Perhaps this practice should be reconsidered. Maybe addicted nurses in recovery have an obligation to speak out…be examples of hope…serve as warnings to those at risk

    My February 11th represented only one incidence of my being impaired at work. I was impaired to some degree every day for months. There were signs. One day, a month or two before the day that finally ended my downward spiral, I approached my ED director and asked for a ride home. I told her I was not ok to work. I used the word “impaired.” I provided an explanation… that I had had a change in medications and was having difficulty adjusting. I got the ride. There were never any questions.

    I even took pills in front of people. Was I daring them to ask? Was I hoping to be caught? I really can’t say. It just never happened. I was a great nurse. I worked hard, took the difficult patients, knew my stuff. I had a BSN, was bilingual, and had 10 years of experience. It would not have been easy to call me on my impairment. And no one did until February 11th 2005. My charge nurse saved my life, and potentially the lives of the patients I would have cared for that day. I am so very grateful for his act of courage and kindness…and his words… “Honey, I can’t let you work like this.”
    Steph R. RN, MS

  2. #22
    Member sassysissy's Avatar
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    I am so sorry for what I have done to my life and career. But not any more sympathy for me. I am in the gratefull stage. I realize now I could have killed some one other than myself. I could have caused even more damage. However, I talk openly to my children and beg them never to touch alcohol my drug of choice. I began drinking at a very young age. I never stole or diverted. It took me months to stop trembling. Then I wittnessed my financial situation get worst. I reflected on my financial life and realized how careless I was with money and how many people were allowed to take advantage of me financially. I am not afraid of drugs, I am so afraid of alcohol that I do not want it any where near me.

  3. #23
    Member sassysissy's Avatar
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    Were you not agry at him at first? Did you not blame him for your troubles? I did. I blamed every one. I blamed everyone up until days ago. I had to take responsibility for my state of being. For two years I really could not figure out how this happen and why people did this to me. I really could not figue out how this happened until I finally took responsibility for my fall from grace or fall into grace. I feel so sad for those who continue to suffer. I could just cry because most of my dear loved ones are hurting.

  4. #24
    Member sassysissy's Avatar
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    My nightmare continues. I lost my job, the punk reported me to the board, the board took my initial words and used them to convict me of an unsafe nurse, placed me on probation, no one considered me as areal nurse or sober nurse. I have to pay for urine submissions and price is now 76 dallors a pop. I lost my home to foreclosure. I was evected, had to move to the ghetto. the ghetto bangers shot at my kids while driving. Is this considered a drive by? the punks were walking my kids were driving. NOW when i test i have to raise my shirt, drop my panties show the vajajay and dookie hole to ensure no products are within. I want to wake up from this night mare.

    I got a job as a real nurse again. Aleluja or just amen. spelling.

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