I am a graduate of the California Diversion program and I can tell you there is life after the program. The first Question I have is - "What were you intending to do with the discontinued drugs if the patient had given them to you? You speak of dispair something I am intimately familiar with as it was a suicude attempt that brought me to the attention of the Board. I am a garden variety alcoholic(sober over 6 years) But when it all spun out of control I was lost and alone and "checking out" seemed like a viable option.
I don't usually recommend Attorney's for these cases but I think if you can afford one you should talk to a lawyer familiiar with licensing issues. If you did not take the drugs, and you are not an alcoholic/addict (only you know for sure) You may be able to put this behind you without the Diversion hoop jumping.
Don't get me wrong Diversion saved my life and If that's where you need to be go there, But it's a long involved process and you won't be able to do home care while you are in diversion. Unless your employer is willing to work with you and make you something like an intake coordinator.
In Diversion
You will not be able to do direct patient care for at least 6 mos to a year.
Then you will gradually regain privileges dependent on your progress.
You can collect disability in California under a diagnosis of Major Depression - but not addiction so make you your doctor's on board
You will be required to attend AA/NA/EA Daily for 90 days then gradually reduced over two to five years but never less than 3 meetings a week.
You will be required to give random Urine and sometimes hair follicle test ( at your expense) For two to 5 years.
If you are on psychiatric medications you will have to be under the care of a psychiatrist
You will have to stop taking the Xanax completely.
If you issues stem from depression rather than addiction - you may be able to have a modified contract that omits some of this but only a lawyer can negotiate this for you. Don't sign a Board Contract without fully understanding what you are getting into.
Write to me here if you want to talk more you can also send me a PM.
When it's all said and done you will work again and be able to be at peace but only you know where that journey begins for you.
Peace and Namaste
Hppygr8ful