Hopefully, you can give an opinion from your own opinion without influence from your nursing profession.
Elder abuse from the spectrum of neglect..
Lately, I've met plenty folks with older parents who have been place in nursing homes or have been hospitalized for a long period of time.
Sadly, the Older parent was not the best. they were Harriet and Oz.
Example, One of my friends father did not pay child support or participate in his child life. Moving forward, he becomes ill. His siblings dump him at the ER and list her as next of kin. The social worker calls her and ask to meet her. She has no idea about him in hospital. Out of sense of duty, she visits him. No bond or compassion.. The hospital tries to make her pay for his stay. She can not afford it. Her father becomes a ward of the state and places him in a nursing home 4hrs away. Again out of duty, she visits him. Until, she see the nursing home cat. It lives in the nursing home. She is afraid of them. my friends ceases all visits to him. If the nursing homes says he is in the hospital, she does not visit him. His siblings do not visit him. He dies alone. Is it neglect?
2nd example
An associate of mine, he was an alcoholic in his earlier days. He has 4 children and has a girlfriend who is like a mom to the kids. Recently, he had a 90 day stay in the hospital. His kids visit only once in his stay. If they did visit, it was to get money. They live with him and are adults. None of the adult kids have jobs. Also grandkids live him. They resent him for alcoholic behavior of yesteryear. The gf lives with him too. But the relationship dissolve year ago! When he was sent home. They were disappointed by his return. he is not mobile. So, he has to wait on home health care to help him. If he needs anything, he has to scream for them to do it.
Is it neglect?
Does an Adult child of unfavorable parent owes them anything?
My belief this is neglect. Yes he done wrong. But, no one deserves mistreatment.
your thoughts!
SmilesNoir wrote:Hopefully, you can give an opinion from your own opinion without influence from your nursing profession.
Elder abuse from the spectrum of neglect..
Lately, I've met plenty folks with older parents who have been place in nursing homes or have been hospitalized for a long period of time.
Sadly, the Older parent was not the best. they were Harriet and Oz.
Example, One of my friends father did not pay child support or participate in his child life. Moving forward, he becomes ill. His siblings dump him at the ER and list her as next of kin. The social worker calls her and ask to meet her. She has no idea about him in hospital. Out of sense of duty, she visits him. No bond or compassion.. The hospital tries to make her pay for his stay. She can not afford it. Her father becomes a ward of the state and places him in a nursing home 4hrs away. Again out of duty, she visits him. Until, she see the nursing home cat. It lives in the nursing home. She is afraid of them. my friends ceases all visits to him. If the nursing homes says he is in the hospital, she does not visit him. His siblings do not visit him. He dies alone. Is it neglect?
2nd example
An associate of mine, he was an alcoholic in his earlier days. He has 4 children and has a girlfriend who is like a mom to the kids. Recently, he had a 90 day stay in the hospital. His kids visit only once in his stay. If they did visit, it was to get money. They live with him and are adults. None of the adult kids have jobs. Also grandkids live him. They resent him for alcoholic behavior of yesteryear. The gf lives with him too. But the relationship dissolve year ago! When he was sent home. They were disappointed by his return. he is not mobile. So, he has to wait on home health care to help him. If he needs anything, he has to scream for them to do it.
Is it neglect?
Does an Adult child of unfavorable parent owes them anything?
My belief this is neglect. Yes he done wrong. But, no one deserves mistreatment.
your thoughts!
I am speaking from personal experience here so bear with me. I am one of 5 children. My dad who I loved dearly passed away a couple of years ago from bone cancer. My mom is still alive but has heart disease and does not take very good care of herself. During our childhood my mother did many unspeakably cruel things and during my adulthood she has done many destructive and hurtful things not only to myself but to my sisters, husband and son. When she was recently hospitalized for a cardiac infarction I did not go to visit. When she discharged against medical advice and called me I answered her questions about her condition and medications. I am always polite and in keeping with God's command to honor our parents I will always make sure she has care and a roof over her head, but I will not go the extra mile to make her feel that her behavior is acceptable. I get a lot of grief from two of my siblings over mom - but I don't believe that I am doing anything abusive or wrong.
I don't know who said it but I remember a quote which said something like "Be nice to your kids, they're the one's who will chose your nursing home!"
I don't believe that children owe anything to a parent who was abusive or destructive, but's that's just my humble opinion.
Peace and Namaste
Hppy
hppygr8ful wrote:I am speaking from personal experience here so bear with me. I am one of 5 children. My dad who I loved dearly passed away a couple of years ago from bone cancer. My mom is still alive but has heart disease and does not take very good care of herself. During our childhood my mother did many unspeakably cruel things and during my adulthood she has done many destructive and hurtful things not only to myself but to my sisters, husband and son. When she was recently hospitalized for a cardiac infarction I did not go to visit. When she discharged against medical advice and called me I answered her questions about her condition and medications. I am always polite and in keeping with God's command to honor our parents I will always make sure she has care and a roof over her head, but I will not go the extra mile to make her feel that her behavior is acceptable. I get a lot of grief from two of my siblings over mom - but I don't believe that I am doing anything abusive or wrong.
I don't know who said it but I remember a quote which said something like "Be nice to your kids, they're the one's who will chose your nursing home!"
I don't believe that children owe anything to a parent who was abusive or destructive, but's that's just my humble opinion.
Peace and Namaste
Hppy
Peace and Blessings!
I'm appreciative of your response! Your quote is honest.
I was molested by a relative. When he was hospitalized.. I did visit. Now, I could not go out of my way for him as for care. I was ok with a visit. God handles everything! Everyone has do within their comfort level.
thanks again!
Sometimes it is very difficult to have anything to do with relatives who have done us wrong, especially when we were children.
Children are not obligated to care for their elderly parents. If someone has been a horrible parent, then I can see why their adult children would want nothing to do with them. It's all about karma. A person cannot spend their entire life treating others poorly, abusing others, etc. and then expect that when they are older the victims of their abuse are going to fall all over themselves to care for them.
cali510 wrote:Sometimes it is very difficult to have anything to do with relatives who have done us wrong, especially when we were children.
This is a very true statement.
AmandaWIRN wrote:Children are not obligated to care for their elderly parents. If someone has been a horrible parent, then I can see why their adult children would want nothing to do with them. It's all about karma. A person cannot spend their entire life treating others poorly, abusing others, etc. and then expect that when they are older the victims of their abuse are going to fall all over themselves to care for them.
My parents were good to me. i feel obligated for them to have good care. Hopefully, it will never be LTC. Now a bad parent does not deserve good care.
Is karma by not giving them good care in their final days? Is it neglect,too?
Who is checking on the nursing home and hospital to make sure that they are being treated properly?
Yes we recognized their mistreatment. My thing no one should died alone. Yes, they've done wrong.. God or Whatever superior being you believe in handles the justice side of thing..
thank you Amanda for responding
I guess their is not a 'win win' answer.
SmilesNoir wrote:Yes we recognized their mistreatment. My thing no one should died alone. Yes, they've done wrong.. God or Whatever superior being you believe in handles the justice side of thing..
It is my belief that in life, you reap what you sow. My parents were also very good to me, so I will see to it that they are always well cared for. However, if I had a parent who neglected or abused me my entire life, I would not think twice about cutting off all ties. They spent their life making their bed, now they can lay it it....
Why would adult children want to help care for a parent that was nasty, neglectful or whatever, if there was never a bond, then, a person does not feel obligated. Can't blame them.
Hmm, what a loaded subject.
This is truly a snapshot of humanity. I believe that for the most part, we are treated in the manner that we treat others. The biggest challenge with the greatest potential is to repay evil with kindness and it is most meaningful because it charges our spirit. Life is an experience of highs and lows that we live not separately but together. We experiences each other's behavior and learn by example. Sometimes we teach. On occasion we are fortunate to see the "Scrooge phenomenon" take place when someone turns around. It happen rarely but the effort is always worth making. That said, sometimes it's too hard for an injured person to face the one who committed the injury and this should be honored. We have been conditioned to think that kiss and make up fixes everything and sometimes it's just that easy but other times it isn't. Injuries run deep. Throughout a lifetime, healing can happen but the time has to be right with absolution frequently happening at the graveside, sometimes years later. I feel that there is no obligation to make peace until one is ready. For this moment, what's done is done.
Thanks for posting a very thought provoking topic.
R
Kdog wrote:Why would adult children want to help care for a parent that was nasty, neglectful or whatever, if there was never a bond, then, a person does not feel obligated. Can't blame them.
Understood!
True, Would the Adult child be in the world w/o the neglectful parent?
Would the Adult child (hopefully) be a better person w/o the neglectful parent evils?
I guess lately.. I've seen too much of this situation with friends and family.
One of my classmates works as a CNA in psych nursing home. The patient (at the home) gave her sons at birth. Every male who comes to visit another patient. She asks Are you my son to take me away?
Ricu wrote:Hmm, what a loaded subject.
This is truly a snapshot of humanity. I believe that for the most part, we are treated in the manner that we treat others. The biggest challenge with the greatest potential is to repay evil with kindness and it is most meaningful because it charges our spirit. Life is an experience of highs and lows that we live not separately but together. We experiences each other's behavior and learn by example. Sometimes we teach. On occasion we are fortunate to see the "Scrooge phenomenon" take place when someone turns around. It happen rarely but the effort is always worth making. That said, sometimes it's too hard for an injured person to face the one who committed the injury and this should be honored. We have been conditioned to think that kiss and make up fixes everything and sometimes it's just that easy but other times it isn't. It does not fix everything. Injuries run deep. Throughout a lifetime, healing can happen but the time has to be right with absolution frequently happening at the graveside, sometimes years later. I feel that there is no obligation to make peace until one is ready. For this moment, what's done is done.
Thanks for posting a very thought provoking topic.
R
What I put in blue is very true? Sadly, sometimes it never happens..
