Boba,
After reading your post, I got the sense that there was more than gender discrimination going on. First, having worked for many years in numerous health care settings, I can assure you that men will always be asked to help lift even if there is equipment and policy in place to discourage that. I think it has more to do with social wiring than laziness and just accept that it is going to happen. I really don't mind.
Now about those lazy coworkers who call you to do something and then go outside to smoke, you do have a few options. If this is a chronic, well established practice of one or two you can speak to them directly if you are good at non-confrontational communication. This is the harder thing to do but has the potential to be more effective for fixing the problem but make sure that your own work habits are impeccable because there will be an attempt at retaliation and you don't want to be guilty of the same or another infraction. The other option is to continue to speak to the charge nurse reporting just the facts without personal attack but be careful to not become a chronic complainer. This is a problem everywhere and sometimes it's easier in the long run to just focus on getting the work done.
I'm not sure you realize this but the other part of your post reveals something very positive about you specifically, that you have the ability to handle very stressful or challenging situations. You write that you are asked to attend to patients who want to talk about deeply personal or controversial things which you do, but it frustrates you that you are always put into that situation. Why do YOU get asked? Whether or not you enjoy the conversations is not as important as the fact that you go to the patients' bedside and talk with them. Institutionalized people are starved for quality interaction. Although superficial chit-chat goes on while their personal needs are being met, many are missing meaningful conversation. Discussion about career work, politics and family is important and is generally "safe" territory for most people, but among the elderly, matters of eternity, God, and "what happens when you die" are foremost on their mind and when the subject comes up, others duck and hide and you get called in. Having someone who is willing to talk about these things is rare. Caring for people at the end of life has the potential to be one of the most stressful occupations. People who do it well are highly empathic, intuitive and secure and because of this, are able to provide the needed support to not only the dying but family as well. This highly specialized profession seems to be a natural fit for you but understand that it isn't for everyone in fact, among all of the health professions, Hospice and EOL care attract very few.
You put your personal convictions aside, identify the needs of another person, and carry out whatever is required. Even when it pushes your buttons, stretches your boundaries or taps into some deep fear or weakness, you do it. These are characteristics of an emotionally evolved, mature, deeply caring person. Consider it a gift you give to the people whose care is entrusted to you and continue being the excellent nursing professional that you seem to be. No doubt there are people you work with who admire you for what you do and consider the possibility that the most critical could really jealous of you. Please don't under-estimate the value of what you offer because it comes easy to you and try not to judge others who for one reason or another, cannot take that "emotionally charged step" you take all the time. Try to be patient and even supportive of your coworkers who struggle with it and maybe consider mentoring. The ones you write about who turf the hard stuff to you or sit around while you pick up the slack will always be there so try to not let them get you down because they're just there for the paycheck and instead, turn your attention to those patients AND coworkers who rely on you. Also, think about personal growth and enrichment like continuing your education because it is a better use of your time and will prevent toxic build up of anger and resentment. I think you have a lot to offer.
Stay in touch,
R