Being truthful will probably relieve the turmoil your feeling. There's a saying in AA that I heard a long time ago..."you're only as sick as your secrets". If you reach out to your group and be honest, you'll be approached by other people, just like you, who care, who have been there. So reach out and let others help you. Posting here is a good start but the power of your nurse peer support group, AA, whatever, can really help lift the icky feelings and help get you going in the right direction. Good luck to you. I know how hard it is; I've been there...I was going to meetings while using and not letting anyone know because I was so ashamed of myself. So just open yourself up for the help that's out there and you'll be okay