I have the same thoughts especially because I recently slipped. How can I ever forgive myself, after what I put my family through I went and did it again. Then I remind myself that I am a human being and God created us with the ability to make mistakes so we can learn from them. I definately believe God has a reason for everything that happens in our lives and it is ALWAYS for our benefit. Don't think you are being punished because I know someday I will look back on this time in my life and realize I was being blessed with God's grace. Take it one day at a time or even somedays one minute at a time. Keep asking for Help!