Thought this was sorta sad..... Nursing home parts senior couple - Canada - Canoe.ca
In nearly 70 years of marriage, Gordon and Jean Vigars have never spent a night apart.
That will change tonight.
They are praying their separation will be temporary.
There has not been a rift. Their love is as strong as ever when they married here 69 years ago after meeting at a dance when he was a furniture salesman and she worked in the library.
They did not see this coming, but it's modern-day society that is splitting them up. The problem is there is just not enough room for both in the nearby seniors' home.
It's a real-life situation that should give us pause as we and our parents age. You may see more of this.
Meanwhile, it was one interesting 95th birthday for Jean yesterday as all of her children were in from various locales across the land to both sing Happy Birthday to mom and to be there for her in her final night in the home --the same one where she was brought from the hospital at birth.
Lots of tears and hugs in the Vigars household these days.
Gord and Jean's life together has been a dream -- four children, eight grandchildren and nine great-grandchildren. Their two-storey brick home is filled with pictures and memories from a successful journey together.
Those raised in this home, or who spent Christmas or other big family days here, say it still has that warm and welcoming smell of home that it always did.
It will never be the same after today. The problem is, because of health and time, it is just not safe for them to be in that home anymore. For months, their children, all in their 60s, have been trying to figure out just what to do -- as their parents expressed their reluctance toward any change.
"I think we are okay," insists Gord.
Next to him, Jean puts her hand on his and chuckles. "He still thinks we can manage this big house but we just can't," says Jean. "I think it is time."
A recent smoke-filled house and a burnt TV dinner in the oven was the turning point. But what happens to a couple married seven decades if there is no room in the system to move into a nursing home together?
Unfortunately, Gord and Jean Vigars are going to find out. It seems they are going to have to find a way to live apart for an unknown amount of time. It's a dilemma and a curve ball for the Vigars family -- and it could be a wake up call for the province as the population lives longer.
"We could have put mom in one nursing home in one town and dad in another one somewhere else," says their eldest son, John, 68, a businessman.
Neither liked that option much. So here's what's happening. Jean will go into the Valleyview Home here today and wait until there is room for her husband to follow.
"I am very concerned," Jean said yesterday. "I don't know if Gord will be able to make it on his own."
It is a problem because even though there are social service agencies that will drop off everything from meals to medication, it does not mean he will open the door. The family is planning to take shifts looking after him.
Gord has made it clear he is not thrilled with any of the changes coming. "I don't want you to go," he told Jean yesterday as his children sobbed.
And Jean doesn't really want to. "But I have trouble seeing now and I can't hear," she said. "I guess it is time."
She grew up in this house, which means when she gets in the car to drive across town to her new residence, it will mark 95 years of memories and also the real end of an era for both her and the street.
John, his brothers Bob and Bill and sister Beth are not looking forward to the emotional scene and just wish there was some other way to deal with this.
It's a falling-between-the- cracks kind of story. "They are both special people," said Bill, a well-known entertainment industry publicist. "Both were active in their community and have done their part."
"I guess in this province we have not yet written the chapter on what to do in this situation," said Bob, a longtime track and cross-country coach and physical education professor at the University of Western Ontario.
"It is a problem because they have never ever been apart before overnight."
Interim Tory leader Bob Runciman, in the middle of voting for a new leader yesterday, said he would talk over this problem with the premier and others. "There must be a way to address it -- perhaps a transitional temporary room inside homes for these kinds of cases."
Meanwhile, over at Valleyview, they were getting Jean's room ready for her and one staffer said although there is no way to know when there will be room for her husband, it could be several months.
Jean says she prays it won't take that long.
"I just hope it happens shortly because he is so forgetful," Jean said. "He tells me he can cook but he can't cook. I am so worried."
There's a lot of things happening in the world of news but, here in St. Thomas, tonight will be the first night in almost seven decades that Gord and Jean Vigars will not be together.
Re: Nursing home parts senior couple
I worked at a facility where a husband and wife did not share a room because they fought and it turned physical. He would travel to her room across the facility in his wheelchair and they would go at it. Personnel had to come and separate the two and make sure that no one else got hurt in the process. It was kind of sad. Employees would laugh about the situation, but I never saw anything funny about it. :crazy1:
True, there are always exceptions to the rule. I am wondering if your couple had some dementia going on?
Re: Nursing home parts senior couple
It was a long time ago. As I remember, the husband had dementia and his wife was just old.
Of course, it could have been the wishes of the wife, too. Given the dementia dx, and seeing how it affected said husband, I am sure she realized that was not the guy she married.
Re: Nursing home parts senior couple
I remember her as being kind of the pitiful victim. In a wheelchair herself, she would get caught by him in the doorway of her room and couldn't maneuver around him to make her escape.
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