I am speaking from personal experience here so bear with me. I am one of 5 children. My dad who I loved dearly passed away a couple of years ago from bone cancer. My mom is still alive but has heart disease and does not take very good care of herself. During our childhood my mother did many unspeakably cruel things and during my adulthood she has done many destructive and hurtful things not only to myself but to my sisters, husband and son. When she was recently hospitalized for a cardiac infarction I did not go to visit. When she discharged against medical advice and called me I answered her questions about her condition and medications. I am always polite and in keeping with God's command to honor our parents I will always make sure she has care and a roof over her head, but I will not go the extra mile to make her feel that her behavior is acceptable. I get a lot of grief from two of my siblings over mom - but I don't believe that I am doing anything abusive or wrong.
I don't know who said it but I remember a quote which said something like "Be nice to your kids, they're the one's who will chose your nursing home!"
I don't believe that children owe anything to a parent who was abusive or destructive, but's that's just my humble opinion.
Peace and Namaste
Hppy